Take Away Guns, And Someone’s Just Gonna Invent, Manufacture, & Use A High-Powered Knife Launcher

[kpete]

You remove guns from the equation, and knife-launching massacres will just replace the shootings. There’s no two ways around it.

As long as there are criminals in the world who set their minds to causing bloodshed, they’re going to find a way to do it. And if you take away the nearest tool for the job, all they’ll do is think of, draw up, manufacture, test, redesign, retest, practice until they obtain a degree of proficiency, and employ a new means to take innocent lives. That’s just common sense, plain and simple.

The simple, tragic fact is that some people will die at the hands of the angry, the hateful, and the mentally unstable. And that won’t change whether the deaths are caused by bullets or by knives flying through the air at 1,500 miles per hour.

All that cracking down on gun ownership would accomplish is violating the constitutional rights of millions of Americans, while doing absolutely nothing to stop some sick, twisted person from murdering dozens with a rapid-fire dagger blaster six months from now, or in a year, or next week, or however long it takes them to devise such a device as well as a method of quickly and efficiently reloading dozens upon dozens of knives into the weapon’s launching chamber and then carrying out their horrific plans.

And don’t say we could just prevent that by banning knife launchers. A criminal could easily kill just as many people with a fully automatic baseball bat flinger.



More from THE ONION:
http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/you-take-away-guns-and-someones-just-gonna-invent--51477

[GGJohn]

1. The Onion always has great satire,

however, in this case, that's exactly what would happen, ban firearms and someone would invent something along those lines.

[DetlefK]

4. Aaand then that gets banned, too.

[GGJohn]

5. And tnen someone else invents something else.

It's always been a case of if someone invents a better mouse trap, someone else invents a better mouse.

[DetlefK]

9. There is only so much that is technically feasible.

It is outlawed if the device
- delivers a projectile heaver than Z and faster than X or
- with a higher cadence than Y or
- contains a targeting aid like rear- and front-sight or can be equipped with one

With the right parameters, this could be used to outlaw slingshots and bow&arrow, while allowing nail-guns with a low cadence.



Formula 1 is such a game, where the engineers permanently try to come up with something that makes their car faster without breaking a rule.
But in the case of private gun-substitute-inventors we are not talking about a crack-team of engineers with unlimited budget who do nothing else all day long.

[Schema Thing]

7. No, you're being silly.

[GGJohn]

10. Respectfully,

why am I being silly?

[LannyDeVaney]

8. America is truly great ...

The citizens of every other country in the world with strict gun laws are apparently too stupid to invent a knife launcher.

USA

[Kotya]

12. They don't need knife launchers.

Guns are still available to anyone who wants one.

[jeff47]

13. Great. Point to the devices that are used in all the countries that ban firearms. (nt)

[ileus]

2. That would be a crossbow...

silly onion...

[GGJohn]

3. You're right.

I must be a little slow this morning, long night last night.

[kpete]

6. I would prefer the

fully automatic baseball bat flinger.

[Paladin]

11. Barely satire; way too close to the usual, creepy, pro-gun dialogue.....

But thanks to The Onion, nonetheless.....