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(100,023 posts) Wed Dec 9, 2015, 12:09 PM Dec 2015

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3: The Biz Vs. The Nuge Edition

Last edited Wed Dec 9, 2015, 07:32 PM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #3: The Biz Vs. The Nuge Edition

Ed. Note: In the wake of last week's terror attack in San Bernardino, the profanity will be flying this week, so fair warning for you NSFW'ers.

Welcome back to the new and improved Top 10 Conservative Idiots! To recap last week, this week is the issue where I said I would tear the NRA a new asshole, but the NY Daily News pretty much did it for me ( Ed Note: Hey, I'm not complaining!). There's now been 3 mass shootings in 3 weeks, and there's no answers. No one in the United States government is even going to address that this has become an epidemic, except for President Obama, who did an awesome job with his pre Sunday night football address. And now that it's hit foreign shores with the attack at the Bataclan, it's even worse. And there has been a lot of lunacy this week after the FBI revealed that San Bernardino is indeed a terror attack, with ties to ISIS. There is so much conservative lunacy coming fast and fierce, that I had to name this edition after a Beastie Boys song, because my original title of “Go Fuck Yourselves With A Rusty Spoon, NRA” would get this list blocked from a lot of content filters.

So with that in mind, the National Rifle Association (1,2) takes up both of the top spots this week with some truly epic lunacy – and some help from Congress. Not to mention gun nuts had their best Black Friday ever (should we start calling it “Red Friday”?). Wayne La Pierre (3) gets torn a new asshole by the New York Daily News. NRA board member Ted Nugent (4) knows how to crank at least one thing past 11: the bat shit crazy (Ed note: expect lots of Spinal Tap references in future Idiots lists!). Erick Erickson (5) goes out of his way to prove the point that the NY Times was making about gun control. Jerry Falwell Jr. (6) thinks that all Liberty University students should arm themselves or go home. Bryan Fischer (7) blames the Colorado shootings on – wait for it – legalized pot! In non gun related news, Ben Carson (8) hates trans people, not to mention he doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. The Pentagon (9) once again favors greed, death and destruction over peace. And finally rounding out the list this week, our favorite unpaid professional hall monitor George Zimmerman (10) is back, and the reason this time is completely unrelated to him committing murder and getting away with it. And to top it off, we once again have a bonus idiot for your enjoyment. Enjoy! And as always don't forget the key!

[font size="8"]The National Rifle Association[/font]

So 3 mass shootings in 3 weeks. 3 major terror attacks in 3 weeks. If you thought that the last three weeks have been absolutely terrifying with the revelations about the San Bernardino terror attacks having ties to ISIS, it's about to get much, much scarier. And the one group that just about everyone seems to be pointing their fingers at is only making the situations worse. And that's the National Rifle Association. Thanks to the NRA's obstruction, Congress didn't even wait a fucking day to make sure death and destruction once again reigns supreme.

The Senate on Thursday voted down two gun control proposals put forward by Democrats in response to this week’s deadly shooting in San Bernardino, Calif., in a series of votes that highlighted the intractable party divide over how to respond to gun violence.

The Senate rejected a measure from Sen. Joe Manchin (D-W.Va.) to expand background checks for guns purchased online and at gun shows on a 48 to 50 vote and an amendment from Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif.) to prevent individuals on the terror watch list from purchasing firearms on a 45 to 54 vote. The amendments were offered to an Obamacare repeal package currently being debated in the Senate and they needed 60 votes to be adopted.

Feinstein’s amendment was identical to legislation she previously filed on the same topic, while the expansion of background checks for gun purchases mirrored language championed by Sens. Manchin and Pat Toomey (R-Pa.) in 2013, following the mass shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School three years ago this month.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/powerpost/wp/2015/12/03/senate-democrats-to-force-gun-control-votes-in-the-wake-of-the-san-bernardino-shooting/?hpid=hp_regional-hp-cards_no-name%3Ahomepage%2Fcard

There you have it. The Senate republicans officially voted to allow people who are already on terror watch list to purchase fucking guns. Oh and let's not forget that the GOP voted to defund Planned Parenthood and repeal Obamacare. Again. Meanwhile some surprisingly good news was released about Obamacare and how many patients it's saved per year..There's only one proper response to this type of insanity:

So to recap - Planned Parenthood, bad. Obamacare, bad. Guns in the hands of people on the FBI's terrorist watch list - good. I will repeat my original title of this week's issue - go fuck yourself with a rusty spoon, NRA!

[font size="8"]The National Rifle Association[/font]

One picture that came out last week explains American gun nut logic in a nutshell:

That was posted after a man shot his friend at a Phoenix gun show, shortly after buying a gun. You can't make this shit up sometimes folks. And that brings us to yet another frightening statistic. Black Friday - the closest thing that America has to Spain's "Running Of The Bulls" event. Although unlike the Running Of The Bulls, on Black Friday, you're actually far more likely to get trampled trying to buy a $400 TV for $199. And while you don't want your Black Friday purchases monitored by the FBI, this was absolutely staggering, and it seems nothing will be done either:

The FBI conducted a record number of background checks driven by firearms sales for the month of November, indicating that gun sales were at an all time high for the seventh month in a row.

The Bureau processed 2,243,030 checks through the National Instant Criminal Background Check System in November, an increase of 236,111 checks over the previous record set in 2012. Background checks have continually set monthly records since May.

The numbers were fueled in part by record sales performed on Black Friday. The FBI did 175,754 checks no that day alone, the Trace reports.

http://freebeacon.com/issues/gun-sales-set-another-monthly-record/

Yes – gun stores across the country saw record sales the likes of which have never been seen before in American history. And along with that - surging numbers of background checks. Thanks NRA!!!

[font size="8"]Wayne La Pierre[/font]

So the NRA's king supreme has had a rough month, and is going to have a rough year ahead. Thank the NY Daily News for this one, which I will leave here without comment:

On second thought, I will leave a comment. But not mine - that from the late great George Carlin, who trashed Wayne La Pierre and gun nuts on his 2001 album "Complaints and Grievances". It was true then, it is true even more to this day:

[font size="8"]Ted Nugent[/font]

InfoWars - the program for people who don't think Rush Limbaugh has enough batshit crazy conspiracy theories. This week they had guest Ted Nugent. Ted Nugent – professional Obama hater and flag waver, friend of the Sean Hannity program, and unofficial adult diaper spokesman resurfaced last week in the wake of the San Bernardino terror attacks to fling his feces blaming who else? Obama and the “evil leftists” for allowing these types of terror attacks to happen.

Nugent said he simply gives a voice to those who know the truth “about this criminal empire in the government of the United States of America” and “this freedom-hating, America-hating punk president.”

“They now recognize the curse, the self-inflicted curse that is Barack Obama and the liberal Democrats who hate freedom, who hate the Constitution, who hate the Bill of Rights,” he said. “They don’t believe in self-defense, they don’t believe in independence, they don’t believe in being the best that you can be, they are intentionally on a runaway freight train to weaken America and to reward the bloodsuckers while they punish the producers.”

Jones managed to use even more colorful terms to portray America’s current political climate: “The Democrat leadership and their constituents now, more and more, literally hate America and have a death score to settle and want to mount our head on the wall like a trophy when this country and our forbearers gave these spoiled ass bitches everything they’ve got.”

Nugent lamented that military service members feel conflicted because they know “that their commander-in-chief is the enemy,” and began pleading with listeners that “if we don’t vote Republican in 2016, we will become Barack Obama’s dream and that is a suburb of Indonesia where individuality, independence and freedom is gone like a Dodo bird.”
http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/ted-nugent-says-he-would-make-great-president-would-have-launched-jewish-rebellion-against-h

The day Ted “Poopy Pants” Nugent is the spokesperson for the military that he abandoned when they needed him in Vietnam is a very sad day for America. Ted Nugent says he would make a great president. Ted fucking Nugent. This guy:

I got my physical notice 30 days prior to. Well, on that day I ceased cleansing my body. No more brushing my teeth, no more washing my hair, no baths, no soap, no water. Thirty days of debris build. I stopped shavin' and I was 18, had a little scraggly beard, really looked like a hippie. I had long hair, and it started gettin' kinky, matted up. Then two weeks before, I stopped eating any food with nutritional value. I just had chips, Pepsi, beer-stuff I never touched-buttered poop, little jars of Polish sausages, and I'd drink the syrup, I was this side of death, Then a week before, I stopped going to the bathroom. I did it in my pants. poop, piss the whole shot. My pants got crusted up.
http://gawker.com/5983634/patriotic-american-ted-nugent-shit-his-pants-to-avoid-the-draft

But then again the republicans have Ben Carson running.

[font size="8"]Erick Erickson[/font]

Three mass shootings in three weeks. Gun news is inescapable right now. The New York Times even posted this front-page Op Ed about the “gun control epidemic” in America. When you're a frustrated gun lover, and your favorite toy is being attacked everywhere, what's a frustrated ammosexual to do? Well if you're occasional Fox pundit Erick Erickson, you shoot the fucking front page of the New York Times.

Erick Erickson is a hyperbolic, homophobic, hate-filled Fox News contributor who, through his extremist rantings and role as editor-in-chief of the far right wing site RedState, has managed to be named "arguably the most powerful conservative in America today."

Of course, that label, bestowed upon him from a far-too-generous Atlantic writer, does, however, demonstrate just how extreme the GOP has become.
Erickson himself today offered the perfect example.

As 2015 quickly draws to a close, it's become sadly clear that there have been more mass shootings in America than there have been days in the year. Wednesday the nation mourned as 14 people were shot to death by now what appears to be an act of terrorism in the name of ISIS/ISIL.

In response, the New York Daily News on Thursday and Friday ran provocative page one covers denouncing lawmakers' lack of action on gun control and labeling the head of the NRA a terrorist.

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/davidbadash/_screw_the_ny_times_fox_news_contributor_literally_shoots_up_call_for_end_to_gun_epidemic

Congratulations, Erick Erickson! You successfully proved the point that the New York Times was trying to make!

[font size="8"]Jerry Falwell Jr.[/font]

In case you missed Jerry Falwell's greatest hits like "Tinky Winky is gay" and "There is no separation of church and state" (do your best Jedi mind trick here), and "radical feminists just need a man in the house", Jerry Falwell Jr. is alive and well, and filling the bat shit crazy void that his dad left behind. In a recent address to students at Liberty University, where he is still the president, he basically thinks that all students had better be the “good guy with a gun” in the event a deranged guy with a gun should attack a Liberty University classroom:

5 p.m. Saturday update: While Friday’s convocation may have ended, the applause and criticism that came after Liberty University President Jerry Falwell Jr. urged students to get permits to carry concealed weapons has not.

The Washington Post, CNN, NBC, Esquire, Politico and several other news sources from around the country have picked up the story this weekend after Falwell’s remarks starting trending.

In a 2½-minute address before dismissing the students, Falwell urged students to take advantage of the university’s free class for concealed-carry permits as a way to counter attacks similar to the bloodshed in San Bernardino, California, on Wednesday.

“Let’s teach them a lesson if they ever show up here,” Falwell told the students.

http://www.newsadvance.com/news/local/liberty-convocation-remarks-draw-applause-and-criticism/article_beb5db52-8efb-55fe-8320-7a69710c6dff.html

Congratulations, Jerry – by advocating that all students take advantage of concealed carry programs on campus, you're not only playing into the NRA's fear and paranoia game, you're also creating a campus where everyone can get shot at just about any time. Bravo! And in case you missed it, Hillary Clinton denounced these comments made by Falwell as aiding ISIS.

[font size="8"]Bryan Fischer[/font]

Speaking of things that Jesus would probably find ridiculous - Bryan Fischer – executive for lunatic fringe right wing religious lobbying group the American Family Association, AM hate radio host and the frequent answer to the question “Why isn't Jesus coming back?”. Because he most likely heard the American Family Association's hate radio programs and said "fuck it, I'm not coming back! Dad, these people just don't get me!". So this week Fischer on his radio program he addressed why the shooting at the Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado Springs happened. It also appears he has not heard any new slang terms for drug use since the 1940's. Here, he had this to say:

On his radio program today, the American Family Association's Bryan Fischer floated his own theory as to why Robert Lewis Dear killed three people and injured nine more during a shooting at a Planned Parenthood facility in Colorado last week: Maybe he was "just tanked up on pot."

Insisting that there is no reliable evidence as to what motivated Dear to carry out the attack, Fischer suggested that perhaps the legality of marijuana in the state played a role because "we do know that since he moved to Colorado, was a pot-smoking nutcase."

Fischer said that "we have seen one story after another" of people "getting doped up or tanked up or high on pot and going off a doing brutal things," especially after ingesting marijuana edibles. So obviously "there is no question that the kind of pot that is available in Colorado today can drive you into psychotic episodes," he stated.

"I'm going to be interested to see what he had in his system," Fischer said, "and if maybe this was a guy that was just tanked up on pot."

http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/fischer-planned-parenthood-shooter-may-have-been-tanked-pot#sthash.xi4cFO1y.dpuf

No, Mr. Fischer. The Colorado shooter was not “tanked up on pot”. He was tanked up on fear, religious wing nuttery, and lots and lots of misinformation and fearmongering coming from republican presidential candidates, notably Carly Fiorina (see Idiots #1 ). And by the way, who uses the phrase “tanked up” anymore? Did Fischer get into a kerfluffle at the speakeasy with his “va va voom” girlfriend? So many questions! And yes let's blame the shootings on legalized pot. These people.

[font size="8"]Ben Carson[/font]

Enough gun talk this week. Ben Carson's campaign is shaping up to be one of the biggest train wrecks in American history. You don't want to stare, but you can't look away. Ben Carson has had completely insane theories on just about everything from the Egyptian Pyramids being grain silos to the dollar bill. He's your crazy redneck uncle with an added dose of tin foil hat conspiracy theories and thinks that the Nicholas Cage movie "National Treasure" had some truth to it.

Not to mention he doesn't know the Middle East terrorist group Hamas from a class of Middle Eastern cuisine. Oh and let's not forget what he said about what he recently said about trans people serving in the military.

Republican presidential hopeful Ben Carson spoke at the Republican Jewish Coalition forum yesterday and raised a few eyebrows with his bizarre delivery, effectively reading a history of Israel for reasons no one could explain. He also kept pronouncing “Hamas” as “hummus,” making it seem as if Carson had very serious concerns about the influence of ground chickpeas in the Middle East.

But for my money, the really notable part about Carson’s strange appearance was his thoughts on, of all things, the $1 bill. ABC News reported:
Addressing the Republican Jewish Coalition today, Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson told a story about how the Star of David came to be on the U.S. dollar bill.

Only one problem: There’s no Star of David on the dollar bill.

Apparently, Carson believes that if you look at the back of a dollar bill – on the right, just above the eagle – you’ll see stars in a shape resembling the Star of David. The presidential hopeful told his audience yesterday about a wealthy Jewish merchant, Haym Salomon, who is believed to have helped finance George Washington’s army during the Revolutionary War.

http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/ben-carson-adds-the-1-bill-his-list-the-wall-theories

No Dr. Carson. You see - hummus is good. Especially that of the spicy red pepper and garlic varieties. Hamas isn't. Huge difference. Ben Carson doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. He thinks the pyramids are filled with grain, and now this. And he's qualified to be president how, exactly?

[font size="8"]The Pentagon[/font]

The Pentagon - the answer to the biggest question in life, which is "why can't we have nice things"? Answer - it's because the Pentagon overinflates budgets, and then goes and blows the shit out of everything. I can't remember where I heard this quote but it went something like "America is the only country in the entire world that has rockets and bombs in their national anthem". And that rings true. As George Carlin said we are a war like people. We love war, and we can't get enough of it. Apparently the Pentagon and military contractors can't get enough of it either, as their $150 million Afghanistani vacation dictates:

The Special Inspector General for Afghanistan Reconstruction (SIGAR) is asking why a small Department of Defense task force charged with developing the Afghan economy spent nearly $150 million on private villas, security guards and luxury meals while operating in the country between 2010 and 2014.

In a letter to Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter made public Thursday, SIGAR chief John Sopko wrote that members of the Defense Department’s Task Force for Business and Stability Operations (TFBSO) could have used accommodations available on local military bases and other U.S. government facilities, adding that it was “unclear what benefit the U.S. received as the result of TFBSO’s decision.”

From 2009 until it was disbanded this year, TFBSO was entrusted with rebuilding post-war Afghanistan’s business infrastructure, receiving roughly $766 million from Congress to do so.

Amazingly, former TFBSO employees told SIGAR investigators that the $150 million spent on accommodations in Afghanistan — fully 20 percent of the task force’s total budget — supported “no more than 5 to 10” employees.

https://theintercept.com/2015/12/03/pentagon-task-force-spent-nearly-150m-on-villas-and-3-star-meals-in-afghanistan/

They spent like kings and lived like kings. Hey Republicans, you want to know why your tax dollars are so high? Look no further! Elsewhere in other Pentagon news this happened:

At a Credit Suisse conference in West Palm Beach this week, representatives from major defense contractors spoke to their investors about how well business was going in these times of global war. Representatives from top firms like Raytheon, Oshkosh, and Lockheed Martin were in attendance, in somewhat of a celebration of the escalating conflict in the middle east and Africa.

Lockheed Martin Executive Vice President Bruce Tanner gave a speech openly praising the “indirect” benefits that defense contractors would see as a result of the war in Syria. A portion of his speech was captured on audio by someone inside and shared widely on the internet hours after the conference.

In the audio that was captured, Tanner discussed the many recent troubles in the Middle East, with an escalation of conflict in Syria and Turkey. He pointed out how these conflicts would lead to increased sales for their company.

Tanner said that the increased conflict would cause “an intangible lift because of the dynamics of that environment and our products in theater.”

http://www.rawstory.com/2015/12/us-defense-contractors-caught-celebrating-the-financial-benefits-of-isis-and-war-in-the-middle-east/

There you have it. That's defense contractors bragging about how the never ending war in Iraq, Afghanistan and Syria is going to mean never ending profits for them. We officially live in the Matrix.

[font size="8"]George Zimmerman[/font]

George Zimmerman – the only conservative idiot in this room who's a bigger walking, talking pile of human excrement not named Ted Nugent. This is his first, and hopefully the last time we will ever see this guy on the Top 10 list, and it's not for him murdering unarmed black teenagers. No, George Zimmerman instead got his Twitter account suspended by violating Florida's revenge porn laws. Yes, Florida has actually done something right there. And how did Zimmerman violate Florida's revenge porn laws? By tweeting naked pics of his ex girlfriend. Yes, someone dated George Zimmerman. I'll let you wrap your head around that one.

George Zimmerman’s Twitter account was suspended Thursday after his social media rants turned into what looked like revenge porn.

The Florida man acquitted in the fatal 2012 shooting of black teen Trayvon Martin posted nude pictures and contact information of a woman he called “Heather” who he claimed had stolen from him and cheated on him with “a dirty Muslim.”

Zimmerman, who lists his hometown as Casselberry in the Orlando area, lives in a state that is one of 26 with laws against revenge porn, according to the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative.

“This is Heather,” the first of two tweets about her read. “She cheated on me with a dirty Muslim.” He added a phone number and told his 15,500 followers, “She’ll sleep with anyone.”

Minutes later, he continued, “Did I go to far? I won't even mention that she stole a gun and cash from me.”
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/george-zimmerman-twitter-account-suspended-article-1.2454338

George Zimmerman went too far by still existing on this planet and refusing to go away from the spotlight. Hey George, here's the world's tiniest violin playing just for you:

[font size="8"]Bonus Idiot: Michele Fiore[/font]

And finally this week, like I said we have an additional idiot (don't worry, I won't spare you the pain of an all Trump issue this Wednesday, Saturday the gloves come off!

) this week because there was so much lunacy regarding the San Bernardino terror attacks. From the "you're not helping" file comes Michele Fiore (R - NRA Payroll), between her and Erick Erickson, it's incredibly difficult to distinguish who is making the more powerful statement for the pro gun control argument than the New York Times opinion piece about the subject. I will delve more into this woman's insane gun nuttery in Saturday's edition.

For Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore's (R) 2015 family Christmas card, which she posted on Facebook on Monday, her family was each outfitted with a gun. If it wasn't immediately obvious, Fiore is a staunch defender of Second Amendment rights.

"It's up to Americans to protect America. We're just your ordinary American family. -With love & liberty, Michele," her message read.

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/michele-fiore-gun-christmas-card

We wish you a merry Christmas and Happy New Year, now praise the lord and pass the ammo!

Hey Michele Fiore:

See you next week!

Ed Note: I know last week I said I was going to try Fridays for TTCI, but there's so much lunacy coming so fast that it's almost impossible to keep up! So until the end of the year I'm splitting the TTCI into a Wed. edition and a Saturday edition. Then after New Year's expect the lists to be posted each week at noon on Fridays (PST). And then expect for next week a special Light Side / Dark Side edition to coincide with Star Wars: The Force Awakens! And also because conservative idiocy doesn't take a holiday, neither do we here at TTCI! There will be Christmas and New Year's editions so stay tuned!