In the early 90's, I worked with a woman from Oklahoma. Nicest person

[closeupready]

you'd ever meet. Wasn't the hardest job ever, and so we'd have lots of time to chitchat and converse about lots of nothing.

I recall a conversation we had once, I think within the context of a discussion of feminism (Hillary had only recently become First Lady), and perhaps it's a conversation most people have had - since I'm gay, I presume not to be a good judge of such matters, but she once said to me (paraphrasing), 'when I pass by construction sites and the men wolf-whistle, I enjoy it. It validates me.' Yet here on DU, a Martian could be forgiven for thinking women do NOT enjoy it.

So my intent here is twofold:

1) Women here, what are your thoughts about wolf-whistling? Is it sexual harassment? Or is it flattery? and

2) If you object to it, can you understand why some men find it unpleasant to be the subject of female ogling? I mean, to reiterate, I'm gay, and I find it very unpleasant to be the object of passionate flirtation when it comes from a female. Many gay men enjoy that, but I really find it just as evidently offensive as it is to many women in our society who just want to get from Point A to Point B without feeling like they have to prepare to perform on stage.

Thanks in advance.

[monmouth4]

1. I'm 75. If I should get a wolf-whistle I will put the man in my Will..n/t

[Human101948]

2. I just whistled at you...

let me know where to pick up the dough.

[closeupready]

3. Really?! Wow, that's interesting. You must be Republican...

[monmouth4]

4. Why do you say that?

[closeupready]

9. Note my inclusion of sarcasm type, but more seriously, I guess

the idea that genders have a fixed place in society, and not to get uppity and mind your post, these are textbook conservative ideas; thus, the idea that "all men are attracted to all women and all women are attracted to all men" would likely be a Republican social platform.

Anyway, I wasn't being serious, and I'll delete the post if you wish.

Peace.

[monmouth4]

13. Oh, not at all. I was just curious. I should have just said I would be grateful but one shouldn't

read too much into that, as I said,.. I am 75...LOL. Believe me, we women of a certain age would be most grateful

[beveeheart]

31. 72 here, I know what you mean. lol

[Oneironaut]

5. Lol

[KentuckyWoman]

6. haha I'm with you.

I am well outside of what society thinks is pretty. If anyone ever cat called me I'd assume they weren't right in the head but I'd still be darn flattered.

Now, if I was actually pretty and it happened all the time I'd feel like I was being verbally accosted after awhile.

[MosheFeingold]

25. I'll whistle

But you're a bit young for me.

I did walk 4 miles today. Of course, I meant to walk 2, but I made a wrong turn.

[monmouth4]

30. Bwahahahahaaaa, at least you made it back. Good on ya..n/t

[Brickbat]

7. People are complicated.

1. Since many people feel it's harassing (or at the very least, annoying), it makes sense to not wolf-whistle or catcall.

2. Of course some men find it unpleasant to be ogled. Some don't. As I say, people are complicated.

[WillowTree]

8. #1 I think most men who engage in wolf whistling.......

.......mean it to be admiring/complementary. (Yeah, I know. Many if not most on DU don't agree and ascribe nefarious intent to such behavior. I don't and don't feel any need to defend my POV.) Regardless, unless it gets crude or tactile, I have way too many actually important things to concern myself with to give it a second thought.

And not meant to be in any way unkind whatsoever, but try to grow a somewhat thicker skin and not be so easily offended. Really, no one's life will be made more comfortable for it than your own.

[closeupready]

11. Okay, so let's take the 'thicker skin' argument and do this:

I affirm that THAT strategy in response can be a useful one; but that it is not the only acceptable response.

I remember once on a trip abroad, on a train, I was in a cabin with a beautiful man, my age, who spoke no English, but I thought he was just a delight to be with. At one stop, a female model (ethnic, not blonde) from Switzerland entered and took a seat. She proceeded to make obvious moves on me. I kept a poker face the whole time. Later, the guy and I shared a hostel room, and he criticized me sharply for having neglected to flirt with her in return.

A microscopic example of how patriarchal culture places demands on each gender to perform their given roles, whether they want to do it or not.

[WillowTree]

16. Well, that's a different situation.

No one should be required to "flirt in return" if they aren't so inclined. Whoever said that was just foolish.

I would think that initially it would be polite to smile and maybe say "Thank you" and then turn away, to signal that that's where you would prefer to leave it. But once it became persistent or aggressive, I'd just calmly and politely ask them to stop. If they don't then you'd need to become more persistent yourself and just say something to the effect of "Thank you. That was flattering initially (even if it didn't feel that way on the receiving end.........at the very least let them think you're giving them the benefit of the doubt), but I'm really not interested. Please leave me alone."

If that doesn't do it, you may need to get nasty, but in the majority of cases, that's not necessary.

Hang in there.

[eShirl]

10. 1) it's embarrassing, which I dislike. 2) totally get it. (n/t)

[closeupready]

12. A thousand thank you's!!

I really appreciate it.

[SheilaT]

14. I rarely got wolf-whistles in my youth.

And the rare times it happened I felt very uncomfortable. It never felt like a compliment, but simply some jerk men seeing me purely as an object.

If you want to compliment me and make me feel good, talk to me. Let's engage about topics we both find interesting: a book we've both read, a trip one of us has made to someplace interesting, what we think about certain topics in anthropology. You get the idea.

[Punkingal]

17. I always just thought it was cute to get whistles....

Other gestures and comments not so much.

[The River]

18. The so-called "wolf whistle"

is actually a Navy signal. A Boatswain Whistle (or a Bugle)
is used to set conditions or take a certain action. The "wolf whistle" actually means
"turn to, commence ship's work".

[Xyzse]

19. I don't know...

However, I, on occasion would compliment a lady heavily if they are wearing glasses.

I find it terribly sexy.

[11 Bravo]

20. In my mind there's a huge difference between a wolf whistle and ...

"Hey baby, wanna fuck?" However, I have read things at DU which tend to conflate the two actions.
Having said that, I'm a 64 year old male, so not only have I been acculturated, I also have a limited perspective.

[Karia]

21. I've always found it annoying & irritating

But now that I have a teenage daughter I perceive it as menacing. My daughter was only 8 when she started getting sexualized attention from anonymous adult men on the street and it got much worse when she reached puberty. It is horrible to tell female children that they are objects, less than human.

[closeupready]

23. Wow. Speechless - did she really?

At such a young age. Some people have absolutely zero shame.

[Karia]

34. Zero shame is right

When you are driving by a school, or girls in school uniforms, you MUST know they are underage. You cannot pretend that they "look 25" to you.

[KittyWampus]

22. What does each DU'er believe the whistle is actually communicating?

For whom is this communication intended?

What does the whistler actually intend w/ their form of communication?

…………………………………………………...

I expect some will say the whistle when given towards a strange woman is simply a guy communicating his appreciation of that woman's physical body.

But what does the guy whistling actually expect as a result of that communication?

As an actual form of communication between two people, it seems really inept and immature.

Frankly, I think it's guys doing it for their own benefit or as a means of communicating with other guys they are with.

I don't think the communication is intended for the strange woman at all.

[closeupready]

24. It's puzzling, what each man thinks their harassment demonstrates -

Chivalry? Um no. Virility? Even castratos can wolf-whistle, so again, no. It obviously is behavior that reaps rewards somehow, because it's persistent, and widespread.

Even more puzzling, did you see those photographs of the alleged park-rapists? Under such circumstances, why would someone smirk, as at least one of them seemed to be doing? What kind of background does such an individual come from? How can someone, in that moment, find ANYTHING amusing? I mean, unless you aren't in your right mind.

[Whiskeytide]

26. That's spot on ....

... wolf whistling works so well in attracting a member of the opposite sex, right?


It's almost always for the locker room-like high fives and a "good one, Dave" from the other guys around them at the time. Some of it is belittling to the woman - meaning there is an element of intimidation and a power grab in the mix - but most of the time it's a "watch this, guys" moment.

[Jim Beard]

27. As with any other communication with the opposite sex'es

it is all in how it is done. I think you can lightly whistle at a woman and if it gets her attention the guy should give a nice smile and wave.

From my own experience as a young man, some of the prettiest women in a bar could turn me down and make me feel like I had gone to heaven rather than telling me to go screw myself. I guess it depends on how I approached her too.

[MosheFeingold]

28. In seriousness

I think wolf whistles in my day (and mind you I am closing in on a century) were more widespread because more people walked and also more in the nature of good-natured flirting. All part of the complex dating ritual of humans.

In the 30s we would whistle and the girl would generally be someone we knew/kind of knew from the neighborhood, and would walk over and talk smack back.

As people objected (for various reasons) and people started moving about more in cars, only the creepy guys (cf. guys from neighborhood/school to whom a girl might normally be interested in and was not afraid of) whistled and it became much more of a creepy thing

So, long way of saying, I think it has degenerated from what used to be normal flirting to creepy.

[malaise]

29. I can take a compliment

as long as it's not rude or offensive.

I get a lot less these days in my 60s, but when I man says nice legs, I say thank you.
Damn I walk 20K a week

[Squinch]

32. My experience when I walked city streets regularly was that men didn't wolf whistle. Instead they

made hissing noises as I walked by and said things like mommymommy fuck me. Or told me they wanted to give me something while grabbing their dicks.

Stuff like that.

It's not OK.

Having had experiences like that on most days while I lived in the city, I would probably not feel that a wolf whistle was any more of a compliment than the comments I was used to.

[Jim Beard]

33. No, thats isn't good

I thgink maybe I was thinking of a different however some men have always been jerks.

[ladyVet]

35. My opinion:

1) Women here, what are your thoughts about wolf-whistling? Is it sexual harassment? Or is it flattery?

I think many men who do this consider it flattery, but there are some who do it for harassment.

Personally, I don't appreciate it. When I was a tiny little thing (pretty, though I didn't think so), men flocked around me. It was embarrassing and a little threatening, to be honest.

Now, I'm old and fat, and elderly men hit on me. Still feel the same way about it, though I can sort of laugh at it now because I'm more experienced in the world.

2) If you object to it, can you understand why some men find it unpleasant to be the subject of female ogling?

I don't ogle men, gay or otherwise. I give them the same respect I desire. That's not to say that I don't see and appreciate an attractive man, but I tend to keep my response internal as I believe only liking someone for their looks is crass and insulting.