General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsLi'l Donald
Mrs. Abernathy called the roomful of eleven-year-olds to order and told them to open their math books to page thirty-one. Her eyes scanned the class and came to rest on a stocky boy beneath a dome of golden hair, who was making grotesque faces at a girl in leg braces.
Donald! What is the square root of a hundred and forty-four?
The boy turned his attention to the teacher with sleepy-eyed indifference.
Im sorry, what did you say?
What is the square root of a hundred and forty-four?
Do I know the square root of a hundred and forty-four? Is that what youre asking me? Of course I do. Its absurd that you would even ask me that.
Please tell the class what it is.
You want ME to tell the class? Excuse mearent you supposed to be the teacher? I think we can all agree that, if anyone around here is going to tell the class the square root of a hundred and forty-four, you should be the one to do it. If you even know the square root of a hundred and forty-fourwhich, frankly, I have my doubts.
This last phrase was delivered to three boys sitting across the aisle from the blond boy. They giggled.
Donald, go the blackboard.
The boy registered astonishment. Im supposed to go to the blackboard?
If you do not, you will get an F.
I dont think so.
Do you know the answer, Donald?
Do I know the answer? Lady, I am super-smart. My I.Q. is, like, many multiples of the square root of a hundred and forty-four. Beyond anything you have seen in this grammar school, believe me.
Then you can tell us the square root of a hundred and forty-four.
Listen, I know the square root of a hundred and forty-four. I have known it for YEARS.
What is it?
I dont do hypotheticals.
The square root of a hundred and forty-four is not hypothetical.
Oh, really? Says who? You? Has anybody here ever seen a square root? No? I didnt think so. People, its your parents, the taxpayers, who are paying this womans salary. Money that could be going to you, personally, for Three Musketeers bars is lining the pocket of this person so that she can stand here asking me to do her job for her. May I be honest? It sickens me.
Donald, would you like to go to the principals office?
Let me tell you something: the principal and I get along great. He respects me, the principal. We see eye to eye on many, many subjects. I wouldnt mind sitting down with the principal and discussing a few issues pertaining to how this class is being run. I think the principal would be very interested in what I would have to tell him.
Are you threatening me, Donald?
Threatening you? Whoa! Where did that come from? Donald turned to the boys across the aisle and said, out of the side of his mouth, Must be somebodys time of the month.
Donald, what is the square root of a hundred and forty-four?
You keep asking the same question! Weve been over this and over this. Im starting to wonder if theres something else going on here. Im wondering if perhaps someone is not properly accredited as a math teacher. Its just a question.
Sit down, Donald. I am giving you an F.
The boy did not sit. He turned to speak to the students seated behind him.
Look, I have demonstrated many, many times that I am a super math brain. I knew the square root of a hundred and forty-four before anybody was even talking about the square root of a hundred and forty-four.
What is it? the teacher asked.
Dont worry, Mrs. Abernathy. When you hear my answer, you are going to love it so much. You are going to be very, very happy.
Good. What is your answer?
To what?
The square root of a hundred and forty-four.
I am so sick of these gotcha questions.
http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/lil-donald
Liberal_in_LA
(44,397 posts)onecaliberal
(32,829 posts)madamesilverspurs
(15,800 posts)see the link to The New Yorker at end of post.
onecaliberal
(32,829 posts)3catwoman3
(23,973 posts)...perfectly.