For women only. Sorry. About abused women who have to leave in the middle of the night

[question everything]

Soma (never heard of them) is collecting used (but clean) bras for women who run away from home with only their shirt on their back.

https://www.soma.com/store/page.jsp?id=56709275&icid=HP_group4_box2

Now through Feb. 3rd.

Please kick..

[Kath1]

1. I never heard of them, either.

I'd be happy to participate and donate.

Domestic violence is an ugly reality of American life. 1 in 4 are victims? I think that is a very conservative estimate.

[Recursion]

5. They're a lingerie maker

That sounds more cynical than I mean it to be: they recognized a problem in their wheelhouse and are working on it. Awesome for them.

[Wilms]

2. Well, I'm a guy.

The least I can do is K&R.

[justhanginon]

3. Same here. K%R

[Mosby]

4. you can call your local DV shelter

And they will have a list of stuff they need on a regular basis and items they are currently low on.

Usually the most needed items are for the kids and infants, stuff like diapers, formula and hygiene products.

They also regularly need bedding and towels, but find out what size sheets they use, usually twin.

Please note many shelters do not like to give their residents hotel size stuff, donate those to homeless shelters.

[KentuckyWoman]

6. Nursing and mastectomy bras are especially appreciated also bigger sizes.

Soma actually collects gently used bras all year long. Some Soma stores take them but many will give you a card with the address to mail it in.

Also contact your local Red Cross if you would prefer to help women locally. They can direct you on where to take bras for recycling.

[Maru Kitteh]

7. I left mine while he was on the toilet

I had already rented a cheap, nasty apartment 3 weeks before, slowly moved a few things things over there - half a bottle of shampoo, some dish soap, clothes and supplies for the baby. He wasn't the most observant guy.

I waited until he was "due." When I saw him disappear into the bathroom with a copy of Guitar Player magazine, I knew I had at least a 20 minute window. It took less than five minutes to throw the rest of mine and the baby's clothes into the suitcase and get her out to the car. I went back in, grabbed the last of the diapers and interrupted his happy time to give him the news. I knew that once he got started, the only thing that could move that man off the toilet was a raging house fire ushered in by an army of spiders. Besides, even if he did jump up after me, he would still have his pants and, uh, biological debris to deal with. That would buy me plenty of time to make it to the waiting car.

"You have beaten me for the last time; because you have touched me for the last time. You will never touch my body again. I will have a lawyer call you as soon as I am able to find one. Hopefully tomorrow."

He started crying and hinted about suicide. I told him get some help - what you do or don't do isn't my responsibility - and I left.

BEST DECISION EVER. My life is awesome now. 25 years with a kind man who does the right thing, and has been a remarkable husband and father. My baby is now in her final semester of university and more importantly, she got to grow up in safety and security, witnessing a strongly bonded pair of parents that operated on a model of shared decision-making, respect and responsibility.

Thanks for the link. I would be happy to give, and I'm happy to kick.

[spooky3]

8. + a million to you

[MissDeeds]

9. I am so very glad you and your daughter made it out

Your experience should serve to inspire others who are suffering in abusive relationships. Thanks for sharing this with us.

[Maru Kitteh]

21. Thank you!

It was terrifying. I had no job and about $500 to my name; but I could not let my daughter grow up believing his behavior was expected or acceptable.

[smirkymonkey]

10. So happy for you!

Thank god you got away from that situation. I wish you all the best!

[pnwmom]

15. I'm so glad that worked out for you but YIKES!

I would have suggested a woman leave a note instead of confronting her abuser directly -- in the bathroom or anywhere.

[Maru Kitteh]

22. You are right.

A note would have been much safer. I just had to see him hear it and I guess more importantly; I needed him to see me say it directly to him so that he would truly understand - it was OVER. I've never been big on saying things I don't mean and he knew that.

But yes. A note would be safer.

[peacefreak]

16. ((((Hugs)))) to you

My story was a little different. I had been to battered women's group for about a year before I left. Rented an apt., stored things where I worked. The morning I left I sat on the couch, said "see you later" when he left for work. My friends came shortly after
We got everything out before he came home from work. I knew I only had one shot because he told me to make sure I took everything I wanted because he was going to change the locks if I left. When I drove by the next day the locksmith was in the driveway
Best decision I ever made!

[question everything]

19. What an inspiring story

So glad you got the courage, and loyal friends to help you get out.

The worse thing, I've heard, is when women are made to believe that they "deserve" it. That if they leave, no one would help them.

[question everything]

18. How courageous you were, and still are

Thank you for sharing.

[Maru Kitteh]

23. Thank you so much for posting this worthwhile

"something we can do to help."

Domestic violence touches quite literally all of us. If a person cannot think of someone close in their life that has been beaten by a partner it's because that someone was too ashamed or afraid to disclose their pain.

[shanti]

20. glad you made it out safely

[Skittles]

27. wow

you kicked ass, Maru Kitteh

[Beacool]

33. I'm so glad that you walked away.

It must have been very scary, but it was the best decision for you and your child. It's nice to know that you are doing well now.

[Spitfire of ATJ]

11. It's a trick. They're making double barreled slingshots.

[TxDemChem]

12. That's good to know.

We have at least 1 Soma in my area (Dallas).

[SoapBox]

13. Bump up from a guy.

A good cause.

[Bubzer]

14. Resources for anyone going through domestic abuse

Help for Abused and Battered Women
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-and-battered-women.htm

Help for Abused Men
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm

20 Standout Groups Stopping Domestic Violence (hit the escape key if you get an ad)
http://greatist.com/happiness/stop-domestic-violence-organizations

[Heidi]

24. Kick!

[Algernon Moncrieff]

25. Guy here

First -- bravo (or perhaps brava is more appropriate) Soma.

Second - I visit many women's shelters in my professional life. If you have one in your area, they can almost always use:

- gently used women's clothing
- gently used kids clothing
- travel size toiletries (soap, shampoo, etc.)
- some (not all) seek gift cards for specific items, such as gasoline
- all could use a few extra bucks you might have to spare

Some shelters will see women for a few nights, and then they will leave to stay with friends, family, etc. Others will have women remain in-shelter (often with kids) for 2-6 months, and then get moved to transitional housing as a stepping stone to independence.

[question everything]

28. Thank you. Many toothbrushes

We use an electric toothbrush at home, but the dental hygienists always send us away with sample toothbrushes. So on occasions I collect all of them, still in their original packages and deliver to a shelter close by.

[steve2470]

26. k&r nt

[TexasMommaWithAHat]

29. I am still haunted by a neighbor who was abused

Terribly abused, but she would not leave her husband. She was cut off from her entire family, and rarely visited with us.

The scariest story I've ever heard from another woman is when this neighbor told me that her husband had taken her out to a deserted field, put his hands around her neck, and told her that he could kill her right there and that no one would ever find her, but I didn't have to hear that to know she was abused, since I saw the bruises when she would come out to the bus stop with her two young children. Another neighbor and I tried and tried to help her, but she was never strong enough to leave.

Sadly, we watched as she, her husband, and two kids drove away in a trucked loaded up to move to California. We didn't even know they were leaving until the day they started packing up the truck.

We cried; we did not know if she would ever even make it out of the state alive. I often wished that I had called CPS for the children, but she denied that he abused the children, and we never saw any bruises on them. Being older and wiser, now, I would call!

We never heard from her again.

Anyone reading this: no matter how much you dislike your daughter's partner, please try to maintain a relationship with her. This woman's parents did not approve of her choice of husband (duh - I'm sure they could see how controlling he was), and she pulled away from them until she was completely estranged. Of course, he encouraged this. When things did start going very badly, she was too proud to seek her family's help, and too emotionally battered to think clearly.

For battered women everywhere, and their beautiful children who lose their innocence much too early.

[question everything]

30. How sad

We are trained to "mind our own business." And there are stories about someone trying to get involved and get hurt himself. But, yes, calling an agency is a good idea.

[smirkymonkey]

31. Why are so many men like this? Why can't they just walk away?

I just don't understand the need to abuse another person. It's so evil.

[Beacool]

32. Sad story.

I worked for a large law firm years ago. One of the secretaries was being abused by her husband. It was evident, even though she tried to cover her bruises. People were concerned about her and stepped in, the firm offered her legal help. She finally got the courage to leave the lousy bastard. I didn't know her very well, so I don't know how things worked out in the long term. I hope that she's doing well.