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(100,060 posts) Sun Mar 13, 2016, 03:09 PM Mar 2016

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #19: Endorsed By Donald Drumpf Edition

Last edited Mon Mar 14, 2016, 01:52 AM - Edit history (1)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #19: Endorsed By Donald Drumpf Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! So last week we ended with the number 10 spot being about basketball – and it ended with a colossal fuck up of epic proportions surrounding the University of Louisville’s shockingly stupid recruiting violations that got them self-banned from NCAA tournament participation. I honestly can’t fathom the stupidity it takes to voluntarily ban yourselves from participating in the biggest basketball tournament of the year. The only thing I can think of is that they did it to prevent the NCAA from imposing further sanctions on the school’s basketball program. Especially if you have a fairly decent team this year. But you don’t declare yourselves champions after banning yourself from the tournament! It doesn’t work that way! You can’t be Kanye West and give yourself album of the year without it being released or having anybody heard it, and that’s completely a true analogy by the way! Enough ranting. We have a lot of conservative idiocy to get to this week. And I do mean a lot. But first Stephen Colbert discusses Donald Drumpf’s meat. Er, his line of steaks:

So to start with – the top slot goes to Donald Drumpf’s Ego (1) because he is still denying he doesn’t know who David Duke is, among other things he doesn’t know. At number 2 is Donald Drumpf (2) and we’re going to discuss his never ending love of product endorsements, and they are all spectacular failures. At number 3 is Ted Cruz (3) who among other fails appointed Jeb!’s brother Neil as his economic advisor (ha!), and is playing the persecution card. Taking the fourth seed is a Top 10 update - we're going to take a look at how the Wounded Warrior Project (4) blew several hundreds of millions and bilked investors and donors. At number 5, is a slew of religious and anti-LGBT nutjobs (5) which includes a Fox pundit denouncing the Coexist bumper stickers, a Stockton church cancelling its’ Easter ceremony, and an African Christian who literally fed his ass to the lions. At number 6 we’re going to take a look at a Texas School Board candidate named Mary Lou Bruner (6). Holy crap there is some serious crazy here. At number 7,we’re going to take another page from John Oliver and ask “How is this still a thing?”. And that’s preacher con artist Jim Bakker’s show – how is he still on the air? In the number 8 spot, while on the subject of crazy preachers, the Catholic League’s (8) insanely homophobic and sole member Bill Donahue is actively campaigning against the new Dan Savage produced ABC comedy “The Real O’Neals”, because it features – wait for it – a gay character! The horror! And as we’ve learned from the past, Dan Savage is a guy who you never want to fuck with. At number 9, Marco Rubio (9) can’t even draw a crowd in his home state of Florida. Finally – normally I save the crazy extra hard for the 10th spot for each edition but there really wasn’t anything too crazy this week. So instead I’m going to take a page from George Carlin’s 1992 special “Back In Town” and just talk about some random conservative idiots’ bullshit and do an exercise in free floating and completely random idiocy (10). Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf’s Ego[/font]

First off, I have to give props to this third grader who has written a scathing letter to Donald Drumpf:

http://wfla.com/2016/03/09/nc-third-grader-writes-letter-to-donald-Drumpf-you-have-been-very-rude/?preview_id=118537

So last week, we went into great detail about Donald Drumpf’s campaign getting unwavering support from America’s white supremacists. But this week – Donald Drumpf is claiming that he’s not recalling any support for or from David Duke. But before we get into this week’s top entry, let us first talk about some past history between Donald Drumpf and David Duke:

Asked if he would publicly reject the support of former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard David Duke, Republican presidential front-runner Donald Drumpf said, “I just don’t know anything about him.” That’s nonsense:
• Duke ran for governor of Louisiana in 1991 as a Republican, and Drumpf said at the time that President George H.W. Bush was right “to come out against” Duke’s campaign. Duke lost but he won a majority of the white vote — which Drumpf found troubling. “I hate seeing what it represents,” Drumpf said, referring to what he called the “anger vote.”
• In 2000, Drumpf considered running for the Reform Party presidential nomination but did not run because he said he did not want to be associated with Pat Buchanan, who had left the Republican Party to seek the Reform Party nomination, and David Duke, who supported Buchanan. Drumpf at the time called Duke “a bigot, a racist, a problem.”
http://www.factcheck.org/2016/03/Drumpfs-david-duke-amnesia/

Yes that’s correct – in 1991 and 2000 – a span of 9 years mind you, Donald Drumpf rejected the idea of running a third party because of the fact that David Duke, one of America’s most notorious white supremacists – was connected to them. He even went so far as to call Duke a “racist, bigot, problem”. And when Donald Drumpf says that you’re a racist, bigot, and a problem, you sir, are a racist, bigot and a problem. But here’s where Donald Drumpf insults Islam:

http://www.inquisitr.com/2874172/donald-Drumpf-insults-islamic-religion-islam-hates-us/
Donald Drumpf did not bother to draw any distinction between the Islamic religion and Islamic terrorists during a recent interview, where he bluntly claimed that, “Islam hates us.”
During an interview with Anderson Cooper on CNN, Drumpf was asked whether or not he believed the Islamic religion was “at war with the West.”
“I think Islam hates us,” the former reality TV star and current GOP presidential frontrunner responded.
“We have to get to the bottom of it,” Drumpf added. “There is an unbelievable hatred of us — anybody.”

Yeah well… they’re all stupid losers. See under my watch there will only be winners. No stupid losers will get in. They want 72 virgins? They can have them when they’re not on American soil. I Donald Drumpf will make sure there are only winners with giant penises living in America. Thank you very much. But with that out of the way, last week I noted that Ivana Drumpf, Drumpf’s ex wife said this:

According to a 1990 Vanity Fair interview, Ivana Drumpf once told her lawyer Michael Kennedy that her husband, real-estate mogul Donald Drumpf, now a leading Republican presidential candidate, kept a book of Hitler's speeches near his bed.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/donald-Drumpf-used-to-keep-a-book-of-hitlers-speeches-by-his-bed-according-to-his-ex-wife-a6765391.html

Wow. Just…….. wow. The guy who keeps a book of speeches that Hitler wrote by his bedside and is essentially running on a platform of “what would Adolf do?” is calling David Duke a racist. That is about as ignorant as it gets. But here’s where Donald Drumpf is in full denial mode about David Duke’s unwavering support of his campaign:

"Well, just so you understand, I don't know anything about David Duke. okay? I don't know anything about what you're even talking about with white supremacy or white supremacists. So, I don't know.
"I don't know, did he endorse me or what's going on, because, you know, I know nothing about David Duke. I know nothing about white supremacists. And so you're asking me a question that I'm supposed to be talking about people that I know nothing about. …
"I don't know any -- honestly, I don't know David Duke. I don't believe I have ever met him. I'm pretty sure I didn't meet him. And I just don't know anything about him."
http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2016/mar/02/donald-Drumpf/Drumpfs-absurd-claim-he-knows-nothing-about-former-/

Yup – he’s doing the good conservative deed of denying those things that he didn’t know he actually did. Which is um, yeah what every conservative does when what they do backfires and turns into a shit storm! But remember this pic of Drumpf supporters doing a Nazi salute at a rally in Florida last week?
http://a3.img.talkingpointsmemo.com/image/upload/c_fill,fl_keep_iptc,g_faces,h_365,w_652/j08rewlz1dgbpqkdpjln.jpg
Well…………………. Guess what???

"Well, I think it’s ridiculous. We’re having such a great time. Yesterday, I had 20,000 people in Mississippi. I had tremendous crowds in Michigan. And sometimes we’ll do it for fun, and they’ll start screaming at me, ‘Do the swear-in! Do the swear-in!’ They’re having such a great time," Drumpf said in response. "Honestly, until this phone call, I didn’t know it was a problem."
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/donald-Drumpf-pledge-problem

But he’s now perfectly OK with violence erupting at his rallies, and is almost actively encouraging this kind of nonsense:

Drumpf remarks came the day after John McGraw, 78, was criminally charged for allegedly sucker-punching a black protester at a Drumpf rally in North Carolina Wednesday evening.

Asked if he's "playing a character" when he says things like "I want to punch a protester in the face," Drumpf responded there have been "some violent people" protesting his rallies.

"These are people that punch. People that are violent people," Drumpf said. "The particular one where I said 'I'd like to bang him,' that was a very vicious – a guy who was swinging, very loud, and then started swinging at the audience."

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/Drumpf-carson-endorsement-violence-rallies?utm_content=buffer9ac1b&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

Yup! So to recap – he doesn’t know about David Duke or his support coming from America’s white supremacists. But he’s perfectly OK with protestors throwing punches! In fact he’s actually encouraging this kind of thing! Bravo! Well done Drumpf! What else is he in denial about?

When Donald Drumpf isn’t bragging about the size of his d*ck, threatening his enemies, spouting horrific racist remarks, attacking easy targets Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio, or screaming angrily that prominent religious figures disagree with his bigotry, he falls back on one of his favorite hobbies: enjoying the show as his racist, violent supporters beat people up in his name. It’s almost impossible to watch the three-ring circus that is a Drumpf rally without seeing his uneducated fans beat someone up for expressing an opinion.
Drumpf’s supporters’ favorite targets are rather unsurprising given his massive support among white supremacists. Recently, The Donald ordered police to remove about 30 peaceful African-American students from one of his rallies just for being there while black. But, of course, things could have been much worse for them. Normally, if an African-American speaks out against Drumpf at one of his events, he or she is met with violence.
www.addictinginfo.org/2016/03/04/Drumpf-promises-to-defend-racist-fans-that-attack-protesters-video/

By the way, I have to give a shout out to this article which has a modernized Drumpf-esque Gettysburg Address. The whole thing is worth reading when you have time. So with that in mind, I don't like to keep talking about Donald Drumpf, quite frankly I'm getting fucking sick of it to the point where I'm thinking of imposing a moritorium on all things Drumpf for a while, but as CBS president Les Moonves put it – Donald Drumpf is not just good for business, he's damn good for business, so they leave me no choice, damn it!

Ed. Note: Don't worry – next week we will dive head first into Drumpf's spectacular collapse in Chicago and the violence breaking out at Drumpf rallies. Stay tuned!

[font size="8"]Donald Drumpf[/font]

OMFG. That’s Donald Drumpf endorsing his own line of steaks for sale at the Sharper Image. Who goes there for meat? “Yes, I’ll take a massage chair, some electric toothbrushes and 8 pounds of steak for a backyard barbecue!”. I don’t ever remember seeing a butcher case at the Sharper Image in my local mall and that place hasn’t existed for 10 years now!

So for this entry we’re going to talk about something that we haven’t really touched on in the Top 10 yet. Specifically Donald Drumpf’s insanely long list of failed product endorsements. I think I figured out which fictional character is most representative of Donald Drumpf. Want to know who it is?

HEY HEY!!!! It’s Krusty the Klown! On the Simpsons – Krusty has had a long, long ridiculously long line of product endorsements with his name on them, and they’ve all been spectacular failures such as animal sculpting kits, pregnancy tests, legal forms, electric toothbrushes, eye washes, Kamp Krusty, and of course a Klown Kollege (think about the initials for a minute

), and my personal favorite – atomic particle accelerators. Donald Drumpf on the other hand has his own line of steaks, airlines, casinos, magazines, vodka, men’s fashion wear, and of course Drumpf University where he teaches aspiring MBAs to be billionaires just like him! Oh wait – the university folded and its’ students are suing him for millions.

Drumpf University was formed in late 2004 and originally focused on web-based seminars and CD-ROMs. In May 2005 the New York Education Department notified Drumpf U that it was operating without a license and its use of the term “university” violated state law. The program, run directly out of the Drumpf Organization offices, pledged to move its headquarters out of New York, according to the New York AG’s complaint.
But it didn’t, according to the AG. It stayed and, in fact, used the Drumpf Organization’s “40 Wall Street” address in many of its promotional materials—apparently to underscore to students that they were now playing in the big leagues, Schneiderman and the plaintiffs contend. (Only five years later, in May 2010—after receiving a cease-and-desist letter from AG Schneiderman’s office—did the program finally change its name to Drumpf Entrepreneur Initiative. A few months after that, it ceased operations.)
In 2007 Drumpf University began doing live seminars. It gave them in California, Florida, New York, Illinois, Texas, and many other states. Some people have described the seminars as a “sales funnel,” for reasons that will soon become apparent.
In promotional videos, ads, and individualized invitations, members of the public were urged to attend free 90-minute introductory “previews” of the program’s course on doing real-estate deals. These were infomercials where the instructors urged participants to buy a three-day seminar, which cost $1,495, according to the complaint.

http://fortune.com/2016/03/08/Drumpf-university-financial-elder-abuse-charges/

But there’s more to the Drumpf University scandal and it may be just going beyond a simple report card where everyone got perfect scores regardless of how they did on tests:

Donald Drumpf has been under fire lately from critics who claim that everything he touches turns to, well, failure and that the only real gold in his life comes from the metallic Sharpies he uses to write letters about how great he is to his detractors in the press. He has been fighting against these allegations dutifully, showcasing business ventures in an attempt to prove how successful they were. (That didn’t work well.) Still, his efforts to re-legitimize Drumpf Steaks and Drumpf Water pale in comparison to how hard he’s been fighting back against those who disparage his failed seminars, Drumpf University.
Drumpf recently called out some displeased former students by name in an ad. He then pulled out report cards filled out by students. All of the cards gave his seminars incredible ratings. On the website he set up to prove that his courses were legit, many more report cards are available.
http://www.mediaite.com/online/those-perfect-Drumpf-university-report-cards-were-the-result-of-coercion/

Oh my god does this get better and better. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. So the entire university was essentially an advertisement to get you to buy an insanely expensive DVD program that cost $1500. Talk about screwing the poor! But at a jaw dropping speech the other day, Drumpf talked a lot about some of his business ventures that he has owned that have been “great successes”. Oh wait – they’re no longer being produced:

Donald Drumpf's Mini Tuesday victory press conference turned into something of a live infomercial last night when the GOP presidential candidate took the opportunity to pitch a number of his business ventures.
Wines were on display, as were water bottles and piles of raw steaks, with Drumpf claiming they were all examples of his "successful companies."
But that isn't necessarily the case. The majority of the products the real estate mogul highlighted are no longer being produced, aren't affiliated with him or were never available for sale publicly. Here's a look at some of the ventures Drumpf touted Tuesday -- and where they stand now:
Drumpf Steaks: "Sold Out" (And Those May Not Have Been His Steaks)
Drumpf Magazine: No Longer in Print
Drumpf Water: Only Available on His Properties
Drumpf Winery: Fully Operational
Drumpf Vodka: Now Only Available on eBay
Drumpf Airlines: No Longer in the Air
Drumpf University: Fighting Multiple Lawsuits
http://abcnews.go.com/Politics/majority-products-Drumpf-boasted-night-anymore/story?id=37524507

Wait – go back. So you’re saying, ABC, that Drumpf Steaks may not have actually been steaks from a company that Drumpf owns?

ABC News spoke to Doug Bush, the sales manager for the West Palm Beach-based company, who confirmed that while he does sell steaks to “a number of Mr. Drumpf’s clubs in South Florida,” their company was “not affiliated” with Drumpf Steaks. When asked why Drumpf would be pointing to Bush Brothers steaks as examples of Drumpf Steaks, Bush said “I don’t know anything about that.”
When they were sold, Drumpf Steaks could be found at The Sharper Image. The consumer electronics company, which went bankrupt in 2008 and was re-launched in 2010, started selling Drumpf Steaks in 2007.

While on the subject of products that have Donald Drumpf's name on them, don't forget to order your very own set of Donald Drumpf poop bags to show your “support” of Drumpf's campaign and to clean up after your dog's shit! But there is one other product worth mentioning – especially in the greater Chicago area. I love this city and their extremely crass sense of humor. So a popular Chicago area eatery called “The Weiner’s Circle” is selling 3” hot dogs that they are calling “Donald Drumpf Footlongs” because of the joke that he made about his penis last week and they’re doing this in preparation for Der Drumpfenfuror’s visit next week:

LINCOLN PARK — Famed hot dog stand The Wiener's Circle will welcome Donald Drumpf to Chicago this weekend by selling 3-inch long hot dogs, its owners announced Thursday.
All day Friday, Saturday and Sunday, the stand, 2622 N. Clark St., will offer the microdogs in three bundles. Customers can buy a "Drumpf footlong," (one dog) a "Drumpf package" (two dogs) or a "Drumpf Super PAC" (four dogs with fries and a drink).
Drumpf will hold a campaign rally Friday at the UIC Pavillion, 526 S. Racine Ave. Plans are already being drawn for a massive protest across the street.
https://www.dnainfo.com/chicago/20160310/lincoln-park/wieners-circle-sells-Drumpf-footlong3-inch-hot-dogsthis-weekend

Well done!

[font size="8"]Ted Cruz[/font]

So if the Cleveland RNC does indeed result in a brokered convention we could be in an interesting ride leading up to November, especially if the worst case scenario that the Cleveland Police are planning for:

CLEVELAND, Ohio -- Cleveland is seeking to buy 2,000 sets of riot gear, including riot-control suits and collapsible batons, as part of the city's latest move to spend a $50 million federal security grant for July's Republican National Convention.
The city this week posted to its contracting website a notice seeking bidders to provide the gear. City documents refer to the "Elite Defender" riot-control suit manufactured by HWI Gear and a 26-inch baton manufactured by Monadnock, plus 2,000 bags to carry them.
http://www.cleveland.com/rnc-2016/index.ssf/2016/03/cleveland_seeking_to_buy_riot.html

Yes they are seeking to buy riot gear if Donald Drumpf doesn’t emerge as the nominee, so Ted Cruz had better get comfortable if he’s seeking the GOP nomination. But he certainly isn’t easing America’s fears about a liberal Supreme Court if Obama gets his way with a justice pick while in his last 10 months in office, which, is their constitutional duty by the way. This week Teddy said this:

http://www.patheos.com/blogs/friendlyatheist/2016/03/08/ted-cruz-one-more-liberal-supreme-court-justice-will-lead-to-the-imprisonment-of-christians/
Explaining his case for himself, Cruz issued a dire warning about what might happen without a Cruz presidency. Naturally, it involves Christian persecution, because the gubment’s going to throw Christians in prison if Cruz isn’t there to save ‘Merika from a liberal justice sitting on the Supreme Court. (And, before you ask, no, Donald Drumpf can’t save us. He’s disqualified for using the ‘c’ word: compromise)....

We are one liberal justice away from the Supreme Court ordering Ten Commandments monuments torn down all over this country. We are one liberal justice away from the Supreme Court erasing the Second Amendment from the Bill of Rights.

We are one liberal justice away from the Supreme Court ordering veteran’s memorials torn down if they have any religious symbols — torn down all over this country.

And we are one liberal justice away from the Supreme Court making us subject to the World Court and the United Nations and international law and giving away US sovereignty.

Uh……….. no Teddy they won’t. Ted goes so far out of his way to prove that he’s the more godly candidate than the next, doesn’t he? I mean right? Yes veteran’s memorial symbols will be torn down if we get a liberal Supreme Court. Shut up!!!! Do you not know that the consitutiion guarantees two things regarding religion: (1) no religious test shall be required for public office, and (2) Congress shall make no law establishing a national religion. But then facts escape die hard Christian fundies like Teddy. But then he has a surprise addition to his staff – Neil Bush! Yes the third Bush brother!

The younger brother of former President George W. Bush and failed presidential candidate Jeb Bush has joined Ted Cruz's national finance team. Neil Bush and his wife Maria were announced as the newest members of Cruz's backing team in a Tuesday press release from the Texan senator's campaign. Jeb Bush, meanwhile, has remained quiet about endorsing any candidates for the March 15 primary in Florida. "We are seeing incredible momentum around our campaign," Cruz said in the statement, which boasted of former Jeb, Rand Paul, and Rick Perry supporters joining his team.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/cheats/2016/03/08/jeb-s-brother-joins-cruz-s-team.html

Wow what a pedigree of failed business owners and presidential candidates! I mean Rand Paul – who wouldn’t want that endorsement? Oh wait, nobody! By the way, having Neil Bush on your economic team after a long string of business venture fails is like having Krusty The Klown in charge of your merchandise.

[font size="8"]The Wounded Warrior Project[/font]

It’s time for a Top 10 Conservative Idiots update! Yay!! Remember a few weeks ago when I talked about the Wounded Warrior Project? Well they’re back in the news and guess what? Something good has happened – the CEO and COO got fired! Yay!!!!!!!!!!

In an update to a CBS News investigation of the country's largest veterans charity, Wounded Warrior Project, the board has fired the Chief Executive Officer and the Chief Operating Officer.

The CBS News investigation raised questions about how the charity spends the millions of dollars it receives in donations each year.

Wounded Warrior Project's CEO, Steven Nardizzi, and COO, Al Giordano, were fired after criticisms from more than 40 employees about how it spends its more than $800 million raised in donations in the past four years.

The allegations include lavish spending by the charity at staff retreats, and other costs, at the expense of programs for veterans.

Read more: http://www.cbsnews.com/news/wounded-warrior-project-ceo-and-coo-fired/

So what did the Wounded Warrior Project spend their money on? In the last 4 years they have raised more than $800 million. But if you take into account what they spent on actual wounded warriors, it is way less than the 1% required by the IRS charity deduction guidelines and they actually spent it on nonsense:

Shocking new details on lavish spending by the veterans charity that led to the CEO and COO’s firing after years of controversy.

The Wounded Warrior Project’s board of directors fired the charity’s chief executive officer and chief operating officer Thursday following years of scandal and suspect management.

The massive charity spent lavishly on snacks, company retreats, and more, whistleblowers told The Daily Beast. The charity had a quarter-million-dollar annual budget for candy and soda, and spent untold sums on staff field trips and elaborately produced music videos promoting executives.

The Wounded Warrior Project raised more than $340 million in 2014, making it one of the largest veterans’ charities in America. Its ubiquitous television commercials and product placement made it a household name, leading many Americans to donate to the group, thinking the vast majority of their contributions would go toward helping veterans.

Instead, less than 60 percent of the charity’s funds went directly to veterans’ programs (top-rated charities routinely spend more than 90 percent on programming). Meanwhile, CEO Steven Nardizzi collected an annual salary of more than $470,000.

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2016/03/11/wounded-warrior-project-spent-250-000-on-candy-and-even-more-on-gimmicks.html

Yes!!! Candy and music videos promoting executives! Because that’s what a charity that’s supposed to do some good in the world and actually help those in need does! But seriously how does one spend $250,000 on candy? Did they go to that restaurant in New York City where they serve $1,000 sundaes covered with a sheet of gold? In fact the Wounded Warrior Project actually got downgraded by a nonprofit for its’ “support” (term used loosely) of veterans:

Veterans-Charity Watchdog Downgrades Wounded Warrior Project
A nonprofit that evaluates veterans' and military-related charities has removed the controversial Wounded Warrior Project from its roster of accredited organizations, The San Diego Union-Tribune reports.
Officials at the Patriots Initiative, headquartered in San Diego, said Florida-based Wounded Warrior failed to satisfy many of their criteria for donor engagement and success.
https://philanthropy.com/article/Veterans-Charity-Watchdog/235546

[font size="8"]Religious / Anti LGBT Nuts[/font]

So Easter is almost upon us, and what brings out Easter better than pointing out the Christians’ favorite enemy – teh gehays!! Oh noz!! So we’re combining a couple of entries into another TTCI mega entry!! To start with - oh my fair LGBT brothers and sisters, I ask you this – why do you continue to patronize Fox News? Is it to get a dialogue going between the left and the right? Well the self loathers on Fox News won’t have any of that. Or is it simply that the LGBT people that Fox News gets for their correspondent pieces just so batshit crazy and partisan that they simply don’t give a shit? Behind door #1 – I give you Fox News “gay correspondent” Gus Benson:

http://instinctmagazine.com/post/out-fox-news-contributor-says-gay-people-should-be-more-tolerant-discrimination
Out gay Fox News contributor Guy Benson recently said that “so-called open-minded” supporters of same-sex marriage need to be more tolerant of anti-gay activists.

Towleroad reports that while speaking at the 2016 Conservative Political Action Conference (CPAC), Benson said that gay rights activists “are hounding heretics ruthlessly from their midst to the point that if you’re a Democrat, if you’re a liberal and you might hold traditional views on marriage, you probably don’t want to talk about it very much for fear of the wrath and judgment of your fellow so-called open-minded leftists.”

Benson adds that although he is in favor of same-sex marriage, he disagrees with the “mandatory celebration” of the SCOTUS ruling, and believes that anti-gay businesses shouldn't be expected to provide their services for gay weddings.

Benson went on to say that the "coexist" bumper stickers “that they love on the left” are “a little morality billboard on your fender to demonstrate what a wonderfully good person you are for fellow motorists. (However) what coexistence really looks like in America today is disagreeing with someone on marriage and not trying to sue their business out of existence because they disagree.”

Wait – whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat? How can you hate the Coexist bumper sticker? I thought that brought peace and unity through all major religions in bumper sticker form!

It's essentially the anti-NOTW:

And now behind door #2 – we go to Stockton, California where a church rather than allow everyone to pray at its’ Easter service – teh gays included – simply cancelled its’ forthcoming Easter ceremony:

http://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/johnwright/gay_church_s_participation_leads_to_cancellation_of_citywide_easter_service_in_stockton_california
Earlier this year, Easter Sunrise Service organizer and Stockton Police Chaplain Jim Reid (photo, front right) invited the Rev. Terri Miller, who leads Valley Ministries church, to attend the 17th annual event.

But Reid retracted Miller's invitation after learning that Valley Ministries is a predominantly LGBT church. In an email to Miller from his city account, Reid explained that "we are diametrically different in our view of scripture when it comes to homosexuality.”

Reid's email led to him being placed on leave by the Stockton Police Department, then fired. The head of the Stockton Leadership Foundation, which organizes the service, re-invited Miller, and she planned to attend with her wife.

When did “do unto others” become “discriminate against everybody”? I have read lots and lots of the Bible. I don’t remember Jesus discriminating against anybody for the most part. But here’s where one Christian takes things way too far, and well, gets his own ass handed to him, literally. We go to the African nation of Ghana to close out this entry:

Alec Ndiwane was filled with the Holy Spirit when he decided to “challenge” lions at the Kruger National Park.

The Zion Christian Church Prophet was at the park with his fellow church members when, according to GhanaWeb, he went into a trance and began speaking in tongues. The group approached the pride of lions while they munched happily on an antelope, but that’s when Ndiwane ran toward the lions.

Out To Africa lists humans as the major predator to lions, so it’s no surprise that the lions took on the challenge. Once he realized what was happening, Ndiwane made an about-face and immediately ran away. Unfortunately, lions are fast and fierce animals and when one of the lions snapped her paws on him, Ndiwane sustained injuries to his buttocks.
http://www.rawstory.com/2016/03/christian-prophet-loses-his-buttocks-to-a-hungry-lion-while-trying-to-prove-god-would-save-him/comments/

Why am I reminded of Futurama when Bender makes a deal with the devil where the Robot Devil steals his ass plate, and then Bender is like “Bite my shiny metal…….. oh no!!!!”?

[font size="8"]Mary Lou Bruner[/font]

The Texas School Board – rewriting every aspect of American history dating back to prehistoric times since 1981! Well, you have to be a certain kind of crazy to join the Texas school board, because they will make decisions that will affect how American history is taught throughout the entire state of Texas. Well there’s Texas school board crazy, and then there’s Mary Lou Bruner, who has come under fire for some unbelievable comments made toward the Obama administration.

AUSTIN, TX -- Another Texas political figure is making national headlines, but not necessarily for all the right reasons.
Mary Lou Bruner is poised to be the next member of the Texas State Board of Education, having fallen just short of the 50 percent needed to secure the seat this past Tuesday.
Bruner will compete with chiropractor Keven Ellis, who got 31 percent of the vote, in a May runoff. Bruner, the GOP candidate, is expected to win over over Democratic opponent in the general election, as the Houston Chronicle reported.
That prospect has raised quite a few eyebrows, in Austin and beyond. The 68-year-old retired teacher from Smith County has distinguished herself with some, let’s say interesting, views and theories on everything from climate change to President Obama.
http://patch.com/us/across-america/s/fn041/obama-was-gay-prostitute-dems-killed-jfk-climate-change-a-hoax-leading-texas-education-candidate

So let’s take a look at some of her greatest hits, shall we?

• On climate change: “Climate change has nothing to do with weather or climate,” she wrote last June: “It is all about system change from capitalism (free enterprise) to Socialism-Communism. The Climate Change HOAX was Karl Marx’s idea.”

Really? The Communist Manifesto was published in 1848. How could Karl Marx possibly have predicted overpopulation and global warming back even 62 years before the first production automobile premiered?

• Last November, she weighed in on the assassination of President John F. Kennedy, by saying “Many people believe the Democrat Party had JFK killed because the socialists and Communists in the party did not want a conservative president.”

Is it me or do republicans look unbelievably dumb when they refer to us as the “democrat party” instead of the “DEMOCRATIC party”? If that’s an attempt to insult us by spelling the party name wrong, well, they fail. And JFK was conservative? What planet is she living on? It certainly isn’t Earth.

• On more topical issues, she also has some -- let’s again say interesting -- theories. As recently as October, she wrote in a post that President Barack Obama once worked as a gay prostitute: “Obama has a soft spot for homosexuals because of the years he spent as a male prostitute in his twenties,” she wrote. “That is how he paid for his drugs.”

This one is so batshit crazy that I literally have no response. When was Obama a gay male prostitute who paid for hardcore drugs? I don’t remember that anywhere in his biography!

And by the way, yes there is video of her spouting some anti-Islamic sentiment before the Texas School Board in question:

[font size="8"]Jim Bakker[/font]

Once again it’s time to ask:

This week it’s the Jim Bakker Show. You might remember Jim Bakker as a televangelist crook who got busted in the 80’s for swindling the elderly. But he’s back in the news this week for some batshit crazy things that have been happening on his show. Jim Bakker is one of those guys who it strikes me as never wanting to make an honest living. If you remember Frank Zappa’s scathing editorial on fundamentalist Christians and televangelists known as “Broadway The Hard Way”, there really isn’t much of a line drawn between televangelist and petty theft. Well combine petty theft with selling junk products to people who are insanely paranoid about the end of the world, and you have this. Roll tape!

Last week on “The Jim Bakker Show,” televangelist Jim Bakker said that World War III is imminent — so imminent that “the Third World War could begin this month.”
And that is why, according to Bakker, you should immediately start buying his ministry’s buckets of survival food.
“We don’t know when all these things will happen, but I’ll tell you what, if that is the third one and it does begin this month, there won’t be any food left in the warehouses to ship out because one event and everybody goes and orders,” he said.
But before you buy a year’s worth of buckets of fettucine alfredo and macaroni and cheese, make sure you stock up on clean water and lower your expectations.
- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/jim-bakker-buy-my-survival-food-because-world-war-iii-coming-soon#sthash.eq9qV4wu.IQj3LQoh.dpuf

Well, if we elect Donald Drumpf and he declares war on Mexico for not paying for his absurd Great Wall, and China and Russia declare war on us, then World War III will be here sooner than you think, Jim. So maybe he’s not too far off. Not to mention on Jim Bakker’s show this also happened this week:

Last week on “The Jim Bakker Show,” televangelist Rick Joyner explained what he sees as the real reason why Bernie Sanders has become popular, particularly among young voters: the Communist Party has taken over the nation’s schools. Joyner said that the Communists have “taken over the media and taken over education,” and made sure that students are “taught socialism in our schools since they were young” while “we let them steal our history and take our history out of it.” Sanders, Joyner said, is the candidate they’ve “been waiting for.”

- See more at: http://www.rightwingwatch.org/content/rick-joyner-bernie-sanders-popular-because-communist-party-runs-schools#sthash.ELMdHiEk.dpuf

Yeah because being a democrat automatically equals communist! Shut up! Seriously in an age when the top 1% of 1% have three times more money than all of the rest of the world combined, it’s definitely time to change some shit, don’t you think?

Well there’s one guy who could have the potential to ignite World War III and that man’s name is Donald Drumpf. I mentioned this a couple of weeks ago and feel it deserves another mention – it turns out China and Russia may be cheering for a president Donald Drumpf because, World War III, yo!

Global threats mount, and on top of the heap a jester gesticulates, roars and guffaws. The United States – no, the world – is in thrall to the Donald Drumpf reality show, on many days commanding more TV time and newsprint than the rest of the candidates for the presidency combined. The would-be leader of the free world has not spent a day, not an hour, on public service The Celebrity Apprentice statesman has not served a political apprenticeship of any kind.
They love him for it. Cleansed by wealth and fame, he has not been besmirched by active politics.
It’s still unlikely, but no longer inconceivable, that he will be president. Nate Silver of Fivethirtyeight, the man who generally calls it right on how elections go, is still skeptical that he will win the nomination, but much less so. He writes that “things are lining up better for Drumpf than I would have imagined… it’s not his continued presence in the race that surprises me so much as the lack of a concerted effort to stop him.” The trouble is, the people who would stop him are the Republican establishment. Politicianssss… hiss!
http://blogs.reuters.com/great-debate/2016/02/25/why-russia-and-china-may-cheer-for-a-president-donald-Drumpf/

You know what? If it’s going to be the end of the world - fuck it. Give me a bottle of Jack and some ice… and this song:

But seriously – The Jim Bakker Show:

[font size="8"]Bill Donahue[/font]

So we can all agree that the “Catholic League” is essentially just one really angry and insanely homophobic guy with a fax machine right? Well Bill Donahue has recently attracted a lot of unwanted media attention over his comments on Pope Francis (Ed Note: I know it’s Newsmax but I couldn’t find anything else. So sue me! ) . But now he’s starting another feud and it’s a guy who (1) you do not want to screw with, and (2) does not take shit from anybody over his sexual orientation. I’m of course talking about Dan Savage who’s the executive producer of the new ABC comedy “The Real O’Neals”. Because it features – wait for it – a gay character! The horror!

You know how crazy, crackpot, Bible-thumping conservatives love to jump down the throat of a network about a show that has yet to premiere because of its perceived attacks on their cherished morals and values that they only use to apply to themselves and not to the world at large? Well, it's happening again: the Catholic League is facing off against Disney/ABC over its new LGBT-themed sitcom The Real O'Neals, which premieres this week.

The show, based in part on executive producer Dan Savage's life, follows a Catholic Irish-American family with a gay son, played by newcomer Noah Galvin. But Savage's track record—this is the man that gave us the gift of the Santorum, after all—didn't sit well with the Catholic League, so they came out swinging.

And how did the Catholic League launch its strike on the as-yet aired show? Why, with the time-tested, always successful and completely still relevant medium of print. The Catholic League took out a full-page ad in The New York Times denouncing The Real O'Neals, Dan Savage and his "maniacal hatred of Catholicism."

Well, they tried to take out a full-age ad, but it was "turned down" by The Times because the "obscenities" that they quoted from Savage were "deemed too incendiary" for readers—"even with the use of asteriks in place of letters." That italicized emphasis is all theirs. Though the only thing the NYT deprived us of was the chance to fill in the blanks, à la Wheel of Fortune. One guess what's missing from "************* Power-Hungry, Self-Aggrandized Bigot."

The Catholic League argues, with no trace of irony or...sanity, that Dan Savage producing a show about a Catholic Irish-American family is akin to former KKK leader and Donald Drumpf bestie David Duke producing a show about African-Americans. Actually, it's worse, because Savage is a potty mouth, while Duke is just a raging white supremacist. So he gets a pass because his hatred is family friendly.

http://www.out.com/popnography/2016/2/29/catholic-league-tries-shame-abc-canceling-real-oneals-nyt-ad

Ah, family friendly hatred! Exactly what networks like ABC try to promote! But when I heard the news about how “The Real O’Neals” did in the ratings how does that fare with the Catholic One Man Army’s protest? Well…

In advance of its regular-timeslot premiere next Tuesday, ABC’s new family comedy “The Real O’Neals” generated solid sampling with its two special preview episodes on Wednesday, a night won by CBS as “Survivor” shot up without “American Idol” competition.
According to preliminary national estimates from Nielsen, ABC opened the night with a special 8 p.m. episode of “The Goldbergs” (2.0 rating/7 share in adults 18-49, 7.0 million viewers overall) and the first of two “Real O’Neal” episodes (1.8/6 in 18-49, 6.3 million viewers overall), with the shows combining for the same average of last week when both “The Middle” and “Goldbergs” delivered a 1.9 in their regular timeslots; they placed second to “Survivor” in most categories. “Goldbergs,” featuring a tribute to “Dirty Dancing,” was up 18% (0.2) week to week in 18-34 (1.3 vs. 1.1) and drew its largest overall audience since mid-November.
http://variety.com/2016/tv/news/ratings-solid-sampling-abc-the-real-oneals-foxs-rosewood-stumbles-in-return-1201721721/

Boom! Drop the mic! Suck it Donahue! Oh where’s Nelson when you need him?

[font size="8"]Marco Rubio[/font]

We need the Sad Hulk music for this one again, can we get that please?

It looks like another one might be biting the dust soon. I’m of course talking about Marco Rubio’s campaign. Which is hanging on by a thread. He was… maybe the most sane candidate running for the GOP this year (?). But now it looks like he might be running on fumes. Let’s compare two rallies. Here’s one from Bernie Sanders and the size of the crowds that he’s attracting. Reminds me of when Obama was first running – the differences between him and John McCain. Bernie’s rallys are overflowing out into the streets, even 100,000+ seat venues like the Los Angeles Coliseum can’t hold everyone wanting to hear Bernie. Here’s what that looks like:

And here’s Marco Rubio’s:

Yup. He’s playing to a nearly empty stadium.

Sen. Marco Rubio (R-FL) drew a “disappointing” crowd for an event in his home state Wednesday night just days before a critical primary in the state, CNN reported.
CNN’s Jason Carroll, who was on the ground in Hialeah, Florida, called the crowd “much, much smaller” than at Rubio’s past events and said the “couple hundred” supporters gathered were “not even filling the end zone” of the high school football stadium.
“This is Marco Rubio's home turf,” Carroll reminded viewers.
http://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/cnn-rubio-florida-empty-stadium

[font size="8"]Free Floating Idiocy[/font]

So this was a week where normally I save the craziest, most fucked up thing I can find for the 10th spot on this list each week. But there really wasn’t anything. The Louisville scandal is one of the craziest things ever and we went into great detail about that. I love talking about it because it’s one of the most batshit crazy things I’ve ever heard. It’s like Kanye West giving himself album of the year without anyone having actually heard it. So where does one go from there? You can’t really. I tried to also find humor in the Hulk Hogan – Gawker sex tape trial, but that was more depressing than crazy (though Gawker is fucking evil in this case). But we may talk about that in a future edition because it may have some serious implications on free speech if it goes all the way to SCOTUS and we may go into great detail on that in a future edition. So for the 10th spot, there’s a famous George Carlin bit in his 1992 special “Back In Town” where he couldn’t find an ending so he just talked about random bullshit for 25 minutes. We won’t go into that length but for the last entry we will free form and just talk about random idiots. And like the George Carlin bit, I won’t post the full stories, just a few snippets so I can get as many in as possible. The idea of this is that these are stories where there's not enough to make it a full entry, but enough that it deserves a mention. Or as George Carlin would say, a lot of really fucking stupid people. Here’s the bit in question:

First up is a Twitter fail regarding Hillary Clinton's stance on health care and Bernie Sanders:

Next Donald Drumpf Jr. gets his ass handed to him by jazz funk king John Legend and retweets a white supremacist:

Wait a minute – the guy who calls himself “Redneck Hillbilly” is saying that the great John Legend lacks education? Fail.

After that we head to SXSW (South By Southwest) where an online harassment seminar is getting death threats, which only proves the point that the point made by the organizers of the seminar, which aims to stop online bullying:

Extra security guarded the door at the day-long online harassment summit that began Saturday at Austin’s SXSW tech festival.
It’s for a good reason: threats of violence often accompany those who speak about the online hate mob Gamergate and its impact on women and minorities in the video game community. Those threats led the SXSW organizer Hugh Forrest, citing “threats of on-site violence”, to plan to shut down this Gamergate discussion session. After public outcry, organizers relaunched it as a full-day program.
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2016/mar/12/sxsw-gamergate-harassment-summit-bullying-panel

While on the subject of extreme racism, remember that guy who named his kid Adolf Hitler? Well he's back for getting arrested for – wait for it – assault!

HOLLAND TWP. — Local police are reporting the arrest of Heath Campbell in Shippensburg, Pa., on Thursday ... Campbell and his family drew national media attention in December 2008 when they tried to have a cake inscribed with "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler," for their son, named Adolf Hitler Campbell. The store refused.
http://www.nj.com/hunterdon/index.ssf/2016/03/nj_nazi_dad_heath_campbell_arrested_say_police.html

Next - Joe’s Crab Shack is under fire for a racist image that appeared in a Minneapolis franchise – you know, that discount Red Lobster where shrimp and crab are served in the same buckets your $8 bottles of Corona and Budweiser are also served in:

Allen said she could not believe the image was used so casually.
"Seeing a picture of two black men being lynched was the last thing that I expected to see at what was supposed to be a family-friendly restaurant," Allen said.
Nekima Levy-Pounds, President of the Minneapolis NAACP, said the incident "demonstrates that racism is still alive and well in this country."
http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2016/03/11/joes-crab-shack-lynching-photo-texas-hanging-table-decor/81633822/

Yeah I want a nice lynching served with my bucket of jumbo double battered deep fried shrimp thank you very much! See, racism is dead isn’t it? Next up – a KKK rally is being planned at Stone Mountain, Georgia:

School officials near Atlanta are trying to reassure parents their students will be safe at prom, since the big dance is planned at the same park and on the same day as a planned a "pro-white" rally and possible counter-protest. http://abcnews.go.com/US/wireStory/prom-pro-white-rally-set-day-stone-mountain-37575666

Of course if you saw last week’s edition you know exactly how a KKK rally anywhere in the country, no matter what the size, is going to end. But this picture of a similar event literally showcases everything wrong with America in one image:

Next – Michigan, where hammer wielding wannabe patriots attacked the Arab American News office – once again proving racism isn’t dead

Two men allegedly tried to smash their way into the offices of the Arab American News in Dearborn, Michigan, early this morning, according to a post on the media outlet's website.
At least 11 workers were in the office, working on this week's issue, when "multiple bangs were heard coming from the back of the building," the post says.
http://abcnews.go.com/US/arab-american-news-office-wards-off-hammer-wielding/story?id=37572032

What next? Donald Drumpf wants to go to war with Mexico:

‘…On MSNBC on Wednesday, journalist Bob Woodward asked Drumpf, “Would you be willing to go to war to make sure we get the money to pay for this wall?”
“Trust me, Bob, when I rejuvenate our military, Mexico’s not going to be playing with us with war, that I can tell you. Mexico isn’t playing with us with war,” Drumpf responded Wednesday....
http://theintellectualist.co/Drumpf-implies-that-war-between-the-u-s-and-mexico-is-possible-over-their-refusal-to-pay-for-his-wall/

What’s he rejuvenating exactly? We have the strongest and most expensive army in the free world – or at least it will still be free if we don’t elect Drumpf in November.

What next? Here’s a Yahoo columnist challenging the Duck Dynasty clan to vote Hillary in November:

http://news.yahoo.com/duck-dynasty-clan-vote-hillary-000000007.html
But there’s another side to the story. Hunting folk are also dedicated conservationists and defenders of public land, which puts them in direct opposition to their Republican brethren. The reality is you can’t hunt without public land to track or animals to stalk — and it’s the Dems who have the better record on conservation and environmental issues. Hunters are told it’s either red or blue. Guns or land.
But what if America’s camo-shaded gunslingers, already standing on fissured political ground, took a full-on leap into the ideological abyss? Willie Robertson and the rest of the Duck Dynasty family, I dare you: Vote for Hillary.

Yes guns are good. Vote………….. Hillary? Considering that bizarre ad they did for Ted Cruz a while back I don’t think you’ll be able to persuade them. Hell I don’t think even Jules Winnfield could:

While on the subject of guns and insane land owners, let’s talk about the Bundy Bunch – who are refusing to recognize FBI authority in Nevada:

LAS VEGAS (AP) — Jailed Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy refused Thursday to acknowledge federal authority and declined to enter a plea to federal charges that he led an armed standoff against a round-up of cattle two years ago.
After several minutes of confusion about whether Bundy had a lawyer, U.S. Magistrate Judge Carl Hoffman entered a not guilty plea on Bundy's behalf and scheduled a detention hearing March 17.
http://www.chron.com/news/texas/article/Cliven-Bundy-court-appearance-to-draw-6881276.php

I figured it out – Cliven Bundy is this early character on South Park:

Finally – we will end with Chuck Norris withdrawing his support for Ted Cruz’s campaign:

Looks like Keep the Promise PAC can’t keep its promise of a Chuck Norris appearance at a rally for Texas Republican Sen. Ted Cruz this weekend.
According to the pro-Cruz PAC, Norris, 75, was to attend a rally along with the GOP presidential hopeful, radio host Glenn Beck and Lt. Gen. Jerry Boykin at an “American rally” in Concord, North Carolina. However, as rumors of a Norris endorsement of Cruz swirled, the “Walker, Texas Ranger” star apparently backed out of the event. ...
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2016/03/10/chuck-norris-no-longer-will-campaign-with-ted-cruz/

Or…………… did Ted Cruz’s support withdraw itself from Chuck Norris?

Phew!!! And that is how you do some free floating idiocy my friends! Drop the mic!