The infinite value of empathy
Some times we all do things that... well, really don’t make much sense. We say things that, when look back on them, we wonder how we could have possibly thought, let alone said anything so stupid. Part of the human condition I think... is to say things in anger, frustration, or out of fear - things that not only do we not mean, but that, later in life, we will look back on with bewilderment.
I have my own list of such things I have said and come to regret. Were it not for the kindness, tolerance, forgiveness and compassion of others, I suspect I would have neither friends nor family remaining to me. I suspect it’s entirely possible that none of us would.
Fortunately, forgiveness, I think, is also a part of the human condition. We all tolerate things from the people that we love, that, at times, seem bizarre, stupid, cruel, or hurtful in the extreme. I think it is only someone that you do love that can hurt you or genuinely infuriate you to the point where you really lose your cool.
I am not a religious man, so when it comes to forgiveness, the questions I usually ask myself are more philosophical/theoretical ones. “If I was in this person’s shoe’s, might I have acted in the same way, or said similar things?” If I think about the experience of the other person, actually try to consider myself as being in their shoes - then the answer is almost always, “Well, yeah.”
I usually don’t find forgiveness hard to come by, not when I look at things with both reason and empathy. Sadly, what I find is often lacking in today’s society is that very empathy that is so incredibly necessary for our happiness, our growth as human beings... our ability to understand each other and work together.
Empathy, in particular, is often seen as a sign of weakness. Some of the greatest intellectuals I have known (and I have known a few...) have looked at empathy and emotion itself with contempt. It is often thought that, by being emotional we are being vulnerable, or, by permitting our emotions free reign in our lives, we are acting foolishly, irrationally, stupidly. That, perhaps, by the mere act of being “emotional”, we are being weak and stupid.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Indeed, these great intellectuals do themselves - and all they know a disservice. For intellect by itself is a tool, not a means and an end within itself. It cannot lead, it can only serve. Brilliant and cruel people throughout history have demonstrated over and over again - that intellect by itself, is no great virtue. On the contrary, it is only when intellect is combined with great passion and compassion - and empathy, that we accomplish the greatest achievements of our human race.
It is the strength of our emotions made manifest that results in the greatest things we know. Beautiful music - songs that tug at our heart strings. Poetry, writing, all of our favorite movies. All of our grandest inventions, cures, vaccinations, technologies, speeches, civil rights and other accomplishments and great victories - have come as the result of our passion and even compassion for others. Indeed, the simple continuation of our race, is directed not by intellect, but by passion.
As an agnostic (or perhaps the proper word is “gnostic” in my case), I do not know if there is such a being as God, but many people believe that we were created in the image of a grand being of infinite love, mercy, forgiveness... compassion. If this is true, then having been created in the image of such a being should, if anything, encourage us to act with love, kindness - and compassion, for all living things.
Yet, even if this is not so, even if there is no higher power or greater mystery - I nonetheless believe that it is still better for us all to behave in such a way. Kindness and generosity tend to attract more of the same - the same way that anger and cruelty do. We all have a choice in how we want to live, how we want the world to see us or remember us. How we wish to effect the lives of those around us.
It can be hard to let things go. Particularly anger that we feel is righteous, hatred that we feel is well directed and deserved. Nonetheless, it is my belief that every time we let go of such feelings, we rise above the apes we are said to have evolved from, we rise above the mere physical form we possess and into something greater. Beings of deeper wisdom, kindness... courage - and enlightenment.
It takes a great deal of courage to acknowledge our own humanity and vulnerability and feel empathy for others. Yet, there is nothing more grand, more wonderful, or more noble... about being human.
Each time we do something kind for someone else, forgive another’s cruelty, or share what we have with those who are in need... we demonstrate that empathy, that courage, that wonderful nobility of the human being. As hard as it is... it is an infinitely worthy struggle - and why I strive with all of my strength to keep my temper, to be kind - and to let go of old (and some not so old) grudges.
I’m one of the least perfect people I know. So if I can do some of these things with success, some times, so can anyone else. Every stupid and cruel thing I have done in my life that I have come to deeply regret - was done out of anger. Every time I let it go, I rise above my greatest enemy (myself) and find that I never really needed it to begin with.
Never underestimate the value of empathy... nor that of forgiveness. We human beings can’t make it without it - and only with them can we become super human. Not that I am super human... but, you know, I think we all can aspire to be.
Just my ten cents.
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