The 100 greatest descriptions of Donald Trump’s hair ever written

[L. Coyote]

I'm absolutely confident DU'ers can outdo this list within the hour.

The 100 greatest descriptions of Donald Trump’s hair ever written

... describing the headstuff of the leading Republican presidential candidate has been elevated to an art form. Is is swirled or swooped? Animal or vegetable? (Mineral?) Burnt sienna or orange Creamsicle? Last week Gawker published an extensive investigation asserting that the whole concoction might actually be a $60,000 weave.

Here, in the most comprehensive and highly scientific endeavor of its kind, culled from 30 years of news articles, we present the top 100 unique descriptors of the Trump mane, written by journalists or pontificators who secretly fancy themselves poets.

......... A corn husk doll cursed by a witch ... An actual, live woodchuck ... The grotesque, exhibitionist, peacocky mutation that adorns his skull ....

That unnatural combination of glue, weave, implants, dye, and ego gone wrong is actually a clone of an alien life form, one his off-world masters demanded so they could pat him on the head whenever he says something especially absurd. They came here to rule the world, and he is their puppet.[center]

[NV Whino]

1. I always thought this visual said it all.

[NV Whino]

2. Are are my favorites, though.

19. A hue best described as ‘Cigarette-stained teeth blond’

31. An unfortunate situation

56. A pumpkin having a nervous breakdown

58. Decomposing pumpkin pie inhabited by vicious albino squirrels

91. A creation consisting of two different parts, like an Ikea shelf


My attempt: A constantly changing kaleidoscope of iridescent filaments.

[blue neen]

3. OMG!

Priceless!