Biden Lines Up Sweet Summer Gig Installing Above-Ground Swimming Pools
WASHINGTON—Saying he would “make a killing while catching rays,” Vice President Joe Biden confirmed Friday he had lined up a “totally sweet” summer gig installing above-ground pools around the D.C. metro area. “It’s gonna kick ass—three whole months of workin’ on my tan, crankin’ tunes on my boombox, and bird-doggin’ bored housewives,” said Biden, adding that his buddy Thomas “Lil’ Loco” Perez hooked him up with the plum job in which “you can totally get away with smoking up while on the clock.” “I don’t know dick about pools, but make no mistake, Uncle Joe can figure out that shit. They’ve got me in charge of my own crew, so I don’t really have to do jack. Plus, I can haul around all the pool junk in this rusty-ass, loud-as-fuck pickup truck I borrowed. It’s gonna be a bitchin’ summer.” Biden told reporters that he pulled a few strings to get paid under the table until he cleared up “some tax bullshit,” explaining that any wages on the books would be garnished by “those IRS fuckers.
http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-lines-sweet-summer-gig-installing-above-grou-53112
I am going to miss The Onion's Biden articles.
= new reply since forum marked as read
Shirtless Biden Washes Trans Am In White House Driveway
WASHINGTON—Taking advantage of the warm spring weather Monday, Vice President Joe Biden parked his 1981 Trans Am in the White House driveway, removed his undershirt, and spent a leisurely afternoon washing the muscle car and drinking beer.
"This baby just needs a little scrub down," said Biden, addressing a tour group as he tucked the sweat-covered top into the belt loop of his cutoff jean shorts. "Gotta get her looking good so I can impress the chicks when I'm cruising down Pennsylvania [Avenue]."
White House aides said that Biden pulled into the driveway shortly before noon, the chorus of Night Ranger's "
You Can Still) Rock In America" blaring from his car's stereo. According to witnesses, Biden spent several minutes maneuvering the Trans Am into the perfect spot, and was observed drumming his fingers on the steering wheel until the song came to a close.
The shirtless 66-year-old then entered the executive residence and greeted employees with a round of high fives and a variety of nicknames.
EDIT
http://www.theonion.com/article/shirtless-biden-washes-trans-am-in-white-house-dri-2718
It's hysterical. 
But first, the photo that accompanied the OP above.
Vice President Biden Verified account
@VP
Q for @reddit AMA with my @TheOnion pal: A Trans-Am? Ever look under the hood of a Corvette? #imavetteguy –VP
https://twitter.com/VP/status/292361945170989056/photo/1