Trump’s Bid to Become Born-Again Fails as Jesus Turns Down Friend Request —tells Borowitz

[Mira]

Photograph by Noam Galai / WireImage / Getty
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—The billionaire Donald J. Trump’s bid to become a born-again Christian failed over the weekend after Jesus Christ turned down his friend request, campaign officials have acknowledged.
Jesus, who has not generally been active on Facebook, made a rare appearance on the social network on Monday to announce his decision to ignore the presumptive Republican nominee’s request for a personal relationship with him.

In a brief post, Jesus offered the following explanation: “Just everything.”

The turndown from Jesus Christ, the inspiration behind one of the world’s most prominent religions, caps what has been a tough month for the Trump campaign.

Privately, campaign staffers fretted that the candidate would pen a disparaging tweet about Jesus, which might alienate evangelical voters in key battleground states.

But, at a rally in Pennsylvania, Trump made no reference to Jesus, and instead touted endorsements he had received from Gary Busey, Jean-Claude Van Damme, and Joe (the Plumber) Wurzelbacher.



www.borowitzreport.com

[iandhr]

1. Borowitz is awesome

[Wounded Bear]

2. K & R ......that's funny!

Hilarious, actually!

[sulphurdunn]

3. Jesus is just jealous

because he knows Trump is the son his dad should have had.

[raven mad]

4. Ahem.............

[uponit7771]

5. +1