BREAKING NEWS: Clinton "devastated" after learning Trump "wasn't impressed" by her at debate

[Tommy_Carcetti]

Following Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump's claim that he "wasn't impressed" after his Democratic opponent Hillary Clinton walked in front of him at the Second Presidential Debate, Ms. Clinton responded that she was "shocked and absolutely devastated" that Mr. Trump didn't take a more prurient interest in her.

"I mean, I was the First Lady for eight years where I took on key policy issues relating to my husband's presidency," Clinton told reporters. "I served as New York's senator for six years and President Obama's Secretary of State for another four."

"One might think that those are the type of accomplishments any woman in my position might want to aspire to," Clinton said. "But really, all of that pales in comparison to what type of lewd and lascivious thoughts one might arouse in the straw-topped combed over head of a four-time bankrupt, three-time married self-proclaimed billionaire and reality television host. A woman isn't really a woman unless she passes before Donald Trump and Donald deems her worthy enough of at the very least fantasizing about grabbing her by the arms and kissing her without her consent, if not actually acting on those desires. I may have advocated for the rights of women world wide, or successfully ushered about children's healthcare programs, or demanded better treatment for first responders at Ground Zero."

"But for any woman to learn that Donald Trump had no interest in sneaking up behind her and grabbing her body against her will....well, that hurts big," Clinton added. "I just don't know where I went wrong in life."

Immediately, Clinton then shot reporters a deep eye-rolled expression and held it silently at them for five seconds before then shaking her head and proceeding on to discuss her plan for affordable college education.

Details at Eleven.

[Zambero]

1. All that stalking

And nothing to show for it. Donald "Not Impressed" Trump is soooooooo put out these days. And to make matters worse, he's been locked out of the Miss Universe dressing room and has been beside himself ever since.

[anamandujano]

2. Is this real?

[Tommy_Carcetti]

3. Sadly, the Trump quote actually was.

The rest was my amateur brand of satire.

[Raine1967]

5. He didn't have a podium, BTW.

The man is such a creep.

[anamandujano]

6. I knew Trump's part was real. If Hillary wanted to respond, your statement would work.

She doesn't give this sort of thing any space. It would turn into a back and forth but still,

[Democrats_win]

7. Hillary rolls with the punches.

That's the thing I like most about Hillary, how she just laughs off right wing nonsense whether it comes from the Richard Mellon Scaif idiocy of the 90s or the clownish Trump.

In her book, Living History, she describes her time as first lady when she hosted other first ladies in Denver for the Summit of the Eight. She took the other first ladies on a train trip into the mountains for an evening meal. On the way, some guys mooned the train. She got a kick out of that and years later when she wrote the book, she still laughs at the incident. I don't think that Donald Trump could laugh at anything. He really is a sad sack.

[smirkymonkey]

9. K&R

[klook]

10. LOL

It hurts bigly, I'm sure.

[Amimnoch]

11. As her SNL alter ego stated:

"Get real, I'm made of steel, this is nothing.. Hi girls"
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