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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsTranscript of Trump's Toast at Ivanka's 2009 Wedding - satire
Okay, everybody, listen up. Listen up. Good to see so many nice people here and isnt this a beautiful golf course? I built it in record time, by the way, and no debt. Totally debt free. Built it with Filipino workers. Great people, the Filipinos. Hard workers and when they complain about low wages, you cant understand them. Last year this course was ranked Number One in the world by people who rank things. And I love people who rank things. Theyre amazing people. How bout this food? Great stuff. Trump Steaks. Trump Wine. Trump Water. Trump Radicchio. Trump Truffles. Trump Aspic. Beautiful food. And if youre feeling a little extra peppy, thats because the room is filled with my newest product Trump Oxygen.
What a turnout! Some great people here. Theres Tommy LaSorda. What an amazing, amazing talent. Hes definitely my main paisan. The great entertainer Tony Danza is here. If you get a chance, check out his one-man show at the Palace Theater in Hoboken. Tremendous dancing and great patter. I love patter. And over there Pete Rose. Just a great, great human being. Who, by the way, should be in the Hall of Fame. Him not being in there is a disaster. A total disaster. He bet on some baseball games, big deal. So my beautiful Ivanka got married today. And, trust me, if I wasnt her father Id tap that ass. But she married Jared, a very nice Jewish boy. Hundreds of people have come up to me and said, 'Mr. Trump, do you feel like youre losing a daughter? And I say, no, I feel like Im gaining an accountant.' Because the Jews are great with numbers. Believe me, I know. Ive negotiated some of my best deals with some very tough Jews. Very tough. And I love the Jews.
I love everybody. I love the Spanish. I love the Dutch. I love the blacks. Look at this black kid clearing the dishes, he loves me. My caddie here at the club, DeSean Something, hes black and he loves me. So I look out for him. I just got him a scholarship at Trump University. An amazing school, by the way. Just incredible. I predict in three years theyll be calling us the Harvard of Hotel Ballroom Seminars. I just realized I forgot to say hello to Burt Bacharach sitting right over there. A tremendous song writer. He knows the way to San Jose. Am I right, Burt? Thanks for being here. And Im sorry your partner Hal David couldnt be here today because hes on life support.
So many great memories on a day like today. I remember when Ivanka got her first training bra. I remember when her baby making hips started to spread. I remember our first kiss. Hey, I almost forgot, I love the Fiji Islanders. Beautiful people with smooth skin. And theyll practically work for nothing. I literally paid some of them with peanuts. The foreman got cashews. You know, in recent years, several business publications have questioned my wealth. Believe me, I am very, very rich. I have so much money your head will spin. And I want to remind you, Jared, you signed a pre-nup. Smart move by Ivanka, right? Smart move. And what a rack she has on her, that one. Shes a winner. But heres my point always get a pre-nup.
I was building a hotel once in Kuala Lumpur, and I love the Lumpurians, amazing people who go through life wearing loincloths, and this hotel was built on time and under budget and I sold it three years later for a yuge profit and a year after that the whole building was wiped out by the tsunami, everybody in the hotel was drowned or impaled by railroad spikes, one guy was even eaten by a water buffalo, an amazing animal, basically a cow that likes to get wet, but I made a tremendous profit, so the lesson is this get a pre-nup. How bout a hand for this great band! The Peter Duchin Orchestra. Boy, did I negotiate a great deal with these guys. Believe me, they got totally taken for a ride.
Now some of you have complained about the fact that we have a cash bar today. Give me a break! What am I, some kind of non-profit? I have to wrap up because I rented this room to the Mancuso wedding at a 50 percent mark-up, by the way and theyll be here in about five minutes. Hey, I just noticed Wayne Newton is here. Doesnt he look great? I dont know how he stays so young. But he's an incredible human being and an amazing singer. Just incredible. 'Daddy Dont You Walk So Fast.' 'Danke Schoen.' Big, big hits. Tremendous music. Better than the Beatles in my book. And lets be real, the Beatles were a disaster. A total disaster. So...to Ivanka and Jerry
.what?...its Jared?...okay, lets raise a glass to Ivanka and Jared...Matzoh Toast! Drink up everybody and then head over to the coat room. The Number One ranked coat room in the world, by the way.
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2016/4/5/1510804/-Transcript-of-Trump-s-Toast-at-Ivanka-s-2009-Wedding
Cha
(297,154 posts)oberliner
(58,724 posts)You don't actually think this is real, do you?
BlueStater
(7,596 posts)Reality is now more bizarre than fiction.
oberliner
(58,724 posts)It is hard to believe that anyone could have thought it was legit.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,674 posts)HassleCat
(6,409 posts)Now that we live in the age of fake news, we have to be careful.
Buckeye_Democrat
(14,853 posts)With Trump, it's hard to tell sometimes.
milestogo
(16,829 posts)TeeYiYi
(8,028 posts)TYY
zippythepinhead
(374 posts)thanks to mitch mcconnell, who actually wields more power than the orange freak.
he runs the senate like a banana republic dictator.