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Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region Forumsintell struggles to condense Cheeto's daily briefing to ONE WORD
THE ONION:
WASHINGTONTelling reporters they were working hard to provide important national security updates to the new commander-in-chief in a manner he found most useful and actionable, intelligence officials confirmed Monday they have been struggling to condense President Donald Trumps briefings down to a single word. The president prefers his briefs to be concise and straightforward, preferably no longer than two or three syllables, so were now focusing on compressing each days classified intel and any intercepted geopolitical chatter down to the sole most salient word, said Deputy National Security Advisor K.T. McFarland, adding that a team of staffers had been tasked with stripping each briefing of the overly technical or complex details that President Trump disliked, such as arcane insider terminology, multiple bullet points, and any compound or hyphenated words. The president tends to grow frustrated if crucial intelligence is not delivered within the first seven letters or so. We recently gave him a briefing that consisted only of the term nuclear proliferation, but he clearly became distracted by the end of the first word, so we shortened it to simply read bomb, and he seemed to respond well to that. At press time, McFarland confirmed President Trump had asked officials to continue formatting his daily intelligence memos in the model of his most recent briefing, which consisted entirely of a brightly colored clip-art fighter jet.
randome
(34,845 posts)[hr][font color="blue"][center]Aspire to inspire.[/center][/font][hr]
PsychoBabble
(837 posts)... is a lot like watching Colbert, Bee, et al ... humor that is more factual ... than news.
So, Hilarious, SAD ... and I will keep reading it. Great post.
BainsBane
(53,016 posts)TREASON
ThoughtCriminal
(14,047 posts)Damn - 4 syllables.
dalton99a
(81,410 posts)jmowreader
(50,533 posts)Israel: Good
Muslims: Ungood
Russia: Good
Hillary: Ungood
American media: Doubleplusungood
In reality a Trump intel briefing probably looks like a system status report. It's a list of your big pieces of equipment with circles beside them. You color the circles for the systems working properly green, the "impaired" but still working ones yellow and the non working ones red. The commander can glance at them and immediately tell how things are running. Since Trump has the attention span of a field mouse, you need to do the same thing with critical geopolitical events.
world wide wally
(21,739 posts)"Fake it"