I have to come clean, I didn't vote in November.

[Revanchist]

I came home on Saturday, October 29th to find my wife of 19 years lying dead on our bedroom floor. Every day since has been a struggle to keep functioning, let alone to care about the what will happen to this country in the long term. Frankly, my main purpose is to outlive my parents so they don't have to go through what happened to my MIL, who lost both her kids within a year of each other. After that, right now I don't care what happens.

[TheOther95Percent]

1. I am so sorry for your loss.

I have no words of comfort. Please know that I am keeping you in my thoughts.

[MrScorpio]

2. It's alright

You have nothing to feel guilty about. My condolences.

💔💔💔

[JustAnotherGen]

3. I'm sorry

I know it's trite - but I'm sorry.

[blue cat]

4. It's okay

Take care of yourself.

[dawg]

5. Who could possibly blame you, under the circumstances?

I can only hope that you and your family will be able to find some comfort and healing.

[qanda]

6. I'm so sorry

Take care of yourself. Sending you love and light.

[boston bean]

7. I am very sory for your loss.

[briv1016]

8. Have you looked into joining a local support group or seeing a Psychiatrist?

We'll always be here too.

[Revanchist]

15. Not sure, I've only lived her for about two years

We moved from VA to MO so she could be closer to her family and try to get me some relief since I was spending almost all my time taking care of her or working. Now, I don't know what to do because my life literally revolved around her. I've lost my sense of purpose.

[yardwork]

19. I'm very sorry. It's important that you get some support.

Please reach out to family, old friends, anybody you can talk with.

[briv1016]

20. Remember, we're always here for you too.

http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/

[sarah FAILIN]

43. Things like this happen with big changes

Your world revolved around her care and now you don't know what to do with yourself. I really would recommend seeing a therapist, possibly one that specializes in grief therapy to help you find yourself again. You may be surprised how much better you can feel.

[Blue_true]

9. I admit that I have been one of the people hammering third party and non voters.

BUT, the situation you were and are in is completely understandable. You have nothing to apologize for, to anyone here, IMO.

[Glimmer of Hope]

10. I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you can find some peace during this difficult time.

[brer cat]

11. What a terrible and sudden loss.

I am so sorry. Whether you voted should be the least of your concerns.

Take care of yourself.

[nolabear]

12. You're grieving. It's okay.

What a horrible turn your life took. Having all these political issues swirl around and so much despair reflected back at you must make it all surreal.

I appreciate your desire to be there for your parents. It's a really kind and important thing you're doing for them.

Vote or no, I think it's safe to mark you in the "with us" column and I'm proud to include a kind person among my friends. Thank you for trusting us with your story.

[phylny]

13. My heartfelt condolences to you. n/t

[Mike Nelson]

14. Sorry for your loss...

...I dedicate my vote to your wife.

[CousinIT]

16. I am so sorry.

I for one can't blame you for not voting given your circumstances. I can only wish you peace and strength - and health.

[femmocrat]

17. That is so sad..... there is no need to explain to us!

You have more important concerns right now. Please accept my sincere condolences on the loss of your wife.

[democrank]

18. I'm so sorry, Revanchist.

Life is bittersweet and some days require every bit of fortitude we have. I deeply understand this struggle to keep functioning you mentioned. Please know you are not alone. Reach out, find something to hold on to, give yourself time to grieve.

I'll keep you in my thoughts.

[sheshe2]

21. No one could blame you for that.

Find some peace. Revanchist.

[lapucelle]

22. I belong to a prayer group and promise that we will remember

you, your wife, and your family.

There's a big difference between an excuse and a reason. I doubt that anyone would have had the wherewithal to vote under the circumstances you were facing.

[Hoyt]

23. Very sorry. Pretty much same thing happened to me 7 years ago. Things will get better.

Take care.

[AgadorSparticus]

24. So sorry for your loss. It must be overwhelming but know that your are not alone.

[kentuck]

25. So sorry you haven't recovered from your loss.

I lost my younger sister a month ago and I have been down since. It is very difficult to recover this time, for some reason.

[La Lioness Priyanka]

26. yeah i think you're off the hook for this one

sorry about all you are going through.

[Warpy]

27. I think everyone here understands your reason for not voting.

None of the posts grumbling about lazy nonvoting citizens is directed at you.

Sudden death is devastating. You have a reason to keep going. Just know it does get better after time. It doesn't go away, you just manage to get used to it.

[TxDemChem]

28. My condolences

[retrowire]

29. jesus christ i did not expect to read that.

I am so sorry. Fuck.

[jrthin]

30. I am so sorry! My condolence to you. n/t

[diva77]

31. I am so very very sorry.

It sounds like you are going through the universal stages of grief which means that in time, you will arrive at a stage of acceptance which will help you to feel and function better.

Here's a little article that might help...no pressure to read it though...

https://psychcentral.com/lib/the-5-stages-of-loss-and-grief/

[pnwmom]

32. You of all people have nothing to "come clean" about.

I am so sorry, Revanchist!

[roamer65]

33. I am sorry to hear about ur loss.

[tavernier]

34. You need all your energy to heal.

Don't waste it on needless apologies.

[japple]

35. Please don't even think twice about this. Sometimes life (and death)

gets in the way of "events." It doesn't matter. So very sorry about your wife's death. Peace and comfort to you for bearing that grievous burden. Put it down. Don't carry it any longer. No one here judges you. ((((((((Revanchist)))))))

[StevieM]

36. I am so sorry for your loss and also for the devastating losses suffered by you MIL. Did she only

have the two children who died?

Does she have any grandchildren from one or both of them? When my mother died it helped my grandma that she had three grandchildren from the daughter who she lost.

When my aunt died (from my father's side of the family) my grandmother was so senile that she didn't know. We kept it from her for the rest of her life, which was only 9 more months. Her little sister (who was 90 at the time) passed 10 months before she did, and we never told her about that either.

[Revanchist]

44. Her grandchild from her son

Died about ten years ago although he managed to have two or three kids before he passed. My wife wasn't able to conceive so we never had any children.

[StevieM]

45. I am so saddened to hear everything that you and your family have been through.

Life can be so difficult. I hope that you can find some peace and healing.

Maybe it would do your MIL some good to spend time with you and her great grandchildren. Perhaps their mother (or mothers) can arrange some visits.

[Revanchist]

50. I've been working at my mil's store since her son passed.

Last edited Fri Feb 24, 2017, 03:58 AM - Edit history (1)

My wife moved out here approx six months before I did while I finished up my masters in healthcare administration and bought a house across from her mother. I spent a few months fixing up the house after I graduated and moved everything half way across country. After I got settled I started at her health food store while we got my wife on the lists for another kidney transplant since she developed donor specific antibodies to her current one and had to be put on dialysis.

Her brother was going to be a living donor before he passed and because of his loss I was working over 50 hours a week getting paid min wage for 40 while her mother was dealing with the loss. It made her want to spend more time with her daughter so I took up the slack. I see my mail every day except for Sunday and since I'm not used to cooking for one send plates across the street. She gets to see her great grandchild on occasion, they all live in Minnesota so they aren't close so it's difficult. At least she has all her family and friends here, she's never lived any where else. I'm spending my time either working or home alone except for a 16 year-old dog that's gone deaf, mostly blind, and confused about the whole situation.

[progressoid]

37. damn...

[Bettie]

38. I'm so sorry

I can only imagine how difficult it is to even function.

[Freedomofspeech]

39. Love and peace to you.

[murielm99]

40. I am sorry.

We have a bereavement group here on DU as well. When my son-in-law died so unexpectedly, they were helpful to me.

If your grief does not go away quickly, if anniversaries and memories bring it back, that is okay. Everyone has to cope with a loss in their own way. Hugs and compassion to you.

[Quayblue]

41. My condolences.

Family always comes first.

Peace to you and your family.

[Skittles]

42. someone is always here on DU, Revanchist

you can talk to us

[Cha]

46. ..

[3catwoman3]

47. What a heavy burden you are carrying.

I hope sharing it here can lighten it even a little bit.

[peacebuzzard]

48. No words in the face of such a loss. I am so sorry.

[lillypaddle]

49. How awful

[Doreen]

51. Sorry for your loss.

You had good reason to not vote. You need to take care of yourself.

[Lotusflower70]

52. No need to apologize

I am so very sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers to you and yours. May you find comfort and support in those around you. Sending love and light as well as positive and healing vibes.

[Jarqui]

53. I've typed a few things but they were all pathetic. They don't measure up.

I don't have the words.

I'm just so sorry.

[marlakay]

54. Wish you peace in your time of healing

So many emotions, give yourself time.

There are many grief groups that help too, i went to one after my dad died, he was my best friend and i felt lost.

[prayin4rain]

55. I'm so sorry. nt

[KT2000]

56. Peace to you Revanchist

I'm so sorry, do give yourself time - all the time you need. It's a lonely and difficult road dealing with such a loss but there is some good advice here. There are people and groups that can help.

[TNLib]

57. I'm so sorry

My husband passed on Sep 13, 2012 from a massive heart attack when he went out jogging. He was 39 and our daughter was 9.


I didn't vote that year either.

[lostnfound]

58. Taj Mahal. Art. Time.

I am very sorry for your terrible loss.
The two things I've learned about recovering after the loss of someone you love: first, the pain that we feel with such a loss is directly tied to the fact of having been blessed with someone special in our lives. The pain itself is a kind of gratitude and an honor to the one we loved.
Second, it's healthy to put some artistic energy into creating a kind of tribute or a symbol of what they meant to us. People do art, build buildings, plant gardens or write poetry, to give substance to the feelings.
When I lost my mom, I realized one day: she's still here with me, in my heart and in my head. Hmm. Maybe that's why those two places ache so much..
http://weburbanist.com/2010/02/10/architectural-love-story-10-castles-built-for-love/

[irisblue]

59. dear brother you have nothong to apologize for

I am do sorry for your great loss.