breaking: republicans to end war on tobacco. Say earlier demonization of cigarettes and chaw were

[Augiedog]

overreaction to unsubstantiated rumors. That the 4000 chemicals in cigarettes can't possibly be correct, right? I mean look how tiny a cigarette is, where are you going to cram in 4000 chemicals. You would have to dip yer cigarette in a steaming stew of almost every know substance, No? And if you lit something like that it would blow yer head clean off on the first puff. Inhale and detonate.

So republicans are reversing time, so to speak, and are going to give back all the money taken from the big tobacco companies during the Tabacco Wars, plus interest. They say that Mexico will pay for it because, well its Mexico and that's how we roll.

All rules against smoking will be rescinded, light up where ya like dude. Advertising will once again contain doctors advancing the cause of smoking, because that's how they roll.

In furtherance of this legislation, cancer will be declared a fake illness. The only people who get fake illnesses are "those others over there" , and we deport others, damn munchers anyway, ya?

So it's back to smoking on airplanes and the Malboro man.

[Cha]

1. gd they're stupid.. is there a link?

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

2. Link?

[Crunchy Frog]

8. Satire.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

9. I figured as much. Pretty lame.

[C_U_L8R]

3. More cigarettes, less health insurance?

Hey Republicans, need a light?

[Gabi Hayes]

4. we truly have somehow entered a parallel universe.....Bizarro World!

from a du post earlier

reminds me of an SNL sketch from the 80s....Reagan Bizarro Planet, or something like that.

let's see.....

[Gabi Hayes]

5. michael odonohue, 1981....no video, but here's the transcript:

The Bizarro World

Written by: Michael O'Donoghue

Voiceover.....Michael O'Donaghue
Woman #1.....Robin Duke
Woman #2.....Mary Gross
Black House Aide #1.....Tony Rosato
Black House Aide.....Tim Kazurinsky
Bizarro President.....Joe Piscopo
Last-Lady.....Christine Ebersole

[ open on a spinning, square globe in outer space ]
Voiceover: There exists a parallel universe, where our earthly events are duplicated. But, they are duplicated backwards, for it is a reflection. Our earth is a sphere, so the parallel earth is, of course, a cube. This is: The Bizarro World. So, while this exchange would be taking place on earth..

(cut to two women talking)

Woman #1: Oh, I'm cold! Turn up the heat! And have the maid clean up the house! It's a mess!

Woman #2: Oh, that's a good idea. We ought to throw out this trash, too.. but first, I'd like a glass of water.

Voiceover: The following exchange would be taking place in the Bizarro World:

Woman #1: Oh, I'm cold! Turn up the air conditioning! And have the maid dirty up the house!

Woman #2: Good idea! And throw away all these diamonds! But first, me thirsty. Me want a glass of nice, dry sand.

Voiceover: Oh, no! Looks like those Bizarros have gotten it exactly backwards! Well, it's a crazy place.. As a matter of fact, right now in the Bizarro World, Bizarro Jerry Falwell is fighting to get more sex and violence on TV.

--cut to Bizarro Jerry Falwell giving a speech--

Bizarro Jerry Falwell: Good Bizarro American people am tired of bad TV! Look at "Little House on the Prairie"! It am boring! Let's see Laura's boobs, then blow up the house!

Voiceover: Pretty wild, huh? But what do you expect of a place where the Miss America contest is a search for the ugliest girl? And where, instead of having a Be Kind to Animals Week..

--cut to Bizarro being mean to animals--

Bizarro: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty! --pulls axe from behind his back--

Voiceover: ..they have a Be Cruel to Animals Week. They prefer it, because you only have to have it once. Everything is backwards on this mysterious cube. Black is white. Hello is goodbye. Right is wrong. But even in this strange world, there is one place so bizarre, it scares even them.

--cut to exterior, Black House --

SUPERMAN: "Black House, Bizarro United States"

--cut to interior, Trapezoid Office --

SUPERMAN: "The Trapezoid Office of the Bizarro President"

Black House Aide #1: It am big responsibility being Black House Aide.

Black House Aide #2: Yes. We must prepare the Trapezoid Office for the Bizarro American President? Am his wife coming, too?

Black House Aide #1: Last Lady? Yes, she am coming.

Black House Aide #2: What should we do first?

--they approach the desk--

Black House Aide #1: Look at all these important papers on his desk.

Throw them away, then we'll break the windows and put dirt on the floor.

Black House Aide #2: Good idea.
--they begin messing up the Trapezoid Office--
Where am the Bizarro President?

Black House Aide #1: His job in Washington, so of course he in California.

Black House Aide #2: That don't make Bizarro sense. Hey! This morning, me pull up all those ugly roses in the weed garden and plant beautiful weeds.

--wipes brow--

Me thirsty. Is there any sand to drink?

Black House Aide #1: You can have a glass of sand to drink after we're finished.

Black House Aide #2:--panicking, runs to desk--
Ah! Water! Water! Quick! Bring some fire! Put it out!
--pounds desk--
It's okay.. it's out.

Black House Aide #1: Look! Here am President!
--Bizarro President and Wife enter --
Goodbye, President. Goodbye, Last Lady.

Bizarro President: Goodbye, everybody.

Last-Lady: Oh, you dirties up the office. Thank you.

Black House Aide #2: Don't mention it.

Last-Lady: Well, I'm off to go visit my masculine son. Hello.

Black House Aide #1: Hello.

Black House Aide #2: Hello.--Last-Lady exits--
Ah-ha! Phone did not ring, so me answer it. --answers phone--
Goodbye! Oh, no! Oh, no! There's a crisis! There's a crisis! Quick, Bizarro President! Go to sleep!

--Bizarro President drops his head onto his desk and falls alseep--
Black House Aide #1: Phew! That was quick Presidential action. What a leader!

Black House Aide #2: Him always do exact wrong thing. Him perfect!

Black House Aide #1: Me agree. Right from start, me knew he was Bizarro #1. Remember when him appoint Cabinet?

--flashback to Bizarro President appointing his Cabinet--

Bizarro President: For Secretary of Interior, man who likes strip-mining and air pollution. For Secretary of Education, man who want to destroy department. For Secretary of State, scary man with morals of a styrofoam cup..

---blend back to the present-day---

Black House Aide #2: Him am incredible! Bizarro Americans all love him!

Black House Aide #1: Of course.

Bizarro President: --waking up--
Me right-to-lifer, so me support the death penalty!

Black House Aide #1: It's that kind of statement that has made him the darling of the Bizarro empire.

Black House Aide #2: What a guy! Him smart! Say, me hungry.. let's go eat some rocks!

Black House Aide #1: What a bad idea.

--they exit the Trapezoid Office--

Voiceover: And so we leave that strange and wacky planet 60 zillion light-years away, known as The Bizarro World.

[sarah FAILIN]

6. This is not real

You know we are so floored daily everyone will believe it though, lol.

[elehhhhna]

7. This is fake news

[Codeine]

10. Satire is hard. nt

[Augiedog]

11. Yes this is fake news. I was just releasing frustration. This site is a bit of mind help for me.

I'm sorry that I have annoyed or misled people. I was find onion style humor works for me and that is what is what I was pursuing. My apologies