LEAKED: Trump's apology to Obama for false wiretapping claims

[Moostache]

(which should be obvious once you read "apology" and "Trump" in the same place...

"My fellow Americans, recently I made some unsubstantiated allegations about the former President and the recently concluded election
{edit/redline - DJT - "which I won bigly, more bigly than anyone else ever has in like forever"}.

It has become clear that I was misinformed by a report
{edit/redline - DJT - "from those terrible people in the fake media, just awful, bad hombres, all of them"}

that led me to believe that illegal activities may have been going on, when in fact they were not
{edit/redline - DJT - "except for the ones that I am still hearing about that you would not believe, terrible things that we have got to get to the bottom of folks, got to get to the bottom of"} .

As your president, I have to be able to effectively communicate....
{edit/scribbled in crayon and then audible - DJT - OK, cut this off...you're fired (in crayon)....I'll just write it myself or have Bannon tell that clown Spicer to go back out there and look like a fool again...I can't believe how dumb that little bitch is....he really is a bitch, but I couldn't ever grab that or move on him, he is like a 3 or maybe a 4 and you can't be seen with something like that in public....has anyone seen my red tie?....no, the one with the scotch tape on it...}