"I'll fire the entire Justice Department! I'll lock the doors myself!" Come CAPTION Donald Trump!

[skip fox]

Donald (Ol' Merde Nimbus) Trump is saying: "Listen, I'm not here to spread dirt, but I hear people saying that Mueller is taking orders from Hillary in order to cast doubts on the legitimacy of my historic election victory and, ultimately, to destroy my Presidency. . . . They're also saying Hillary has a private entrance at Justice so she and Mueller can cook up more demonic plans during their weekly midnight meetings. . . . But believe me, I'm not trying to cast aspersions; I'm just telling you what people are saying."

[underpants]

1. I don't want anyone to think my interest in this is conflicted

I mean I've heard all this talk about the Democrats that Mueller has hired. With your tax dollars by the way. It's been all over the place in the radio. Fox & Friends said it. Hannity says it everyday. Hannity. Right. So once these people gave money to Hillary maybe other Democrats too. I don't know. How could I find out a thing like that? Right. They just aren't independent. Right. Witch hunt. Fake news.


Trump's contributions
Notable donations to federal-level Democrats
Name Number of donations Total
Charlie Rangel (N.Y.) 14 $15,750
Chuck Schumer (N.Y.) 9 $8,900
Hillary Clinton (N.Y.) 8 $8,700*
Harry Reid (Nev.) 4 $7,400
John Kerry (Mass.) 7 $5,500
Anthony Weiner (N.Y.) 2 $4,300
Joe Biden (Del.) 1

*Two donations totaling $4,000 were refunded.

https://ballotpedia.org/History_of_Donald_Trump%27s_political_donations

[tavernier]

2. Just pooped in my pants. Damn.

Lost opportunity to tweet.

[skip fox]

4. So much depends upon

Depends.

[Johonny]

3. I have decided to take up this Russian matter. I need someone good, honest, and good.

If you're going to investigate you need good people. I got the best people working for me. The justice department-sad. I'm just not a fan. They let OJ go. OJ! I wish OJ the best, though. Hope he finds the real killers. It's about time. So this justice department-not good. We need a new investigator-someone honest and good. Today I'm announcing that I will personally investigate myself for doing things with Russians that I should never have done. I personally guarantee I will get to the bottom of this matter. I won't let crooked Hillary or that Obama lover Mueller guy interfere in my incredible investigation. It's going great already. To investigate you need transparency and I got transparency. Hillary doesn't have that just like she doesn't have those votes. But me, I'm a winner. You can trust a winner. OJ never won anything. No super bowls. Think about it. Think about it. Think.

[GallopingGhost]

5. "Merde Nimbus?"

Why the hell is the man so orange? I've seen Halloween pumpkins with less color.

"Listen, don't tell me what I can and can't do. I'm President. I have a big fluffy chair in my office and an unlimited supply of Ding Dongs. I'll poop on the lawn if I want to. And stop bringing up this ridiculous piece of paper you people call the Constitution. I know it has big words it it but I don't care. That guy who wrote it thinks he had big words; I have big words too. Now, someone bring me a salami sandwich and get out because I have to pretend to sign papers so I look modern-day presidential. I have the biggest pen!"