Senate to Form Committee on Pornography

[ProudLib72]

In response to news about Senator Ted Cruz watching pornographic videos on his cell phone, the Senate will be forming a new committee to explore the effects that viewing pornography might have on congress people's job performance. The committee will be comprised entirely of lonely Republican men as no Democrats expressed interest in joining the committee. The committee tasks itself with finding answers to several questions:

1. Does the portability of a cell phone outweigh the image quality found on an large desk top monitor?
2. If an aide asks to borrow your cell phone, is there policy in place that prohibits him or her from using your phone to view pornography?
3. Is it suitable for a Republican senator to view pornography when the one or all of the actors involved are known to be Democrats?
4. Is it suitable for any senator to view pornography when one of the actors involved is the FLOTUS?

Committee chairperson Chuck Grassley has already issued a request that any and all pornography in Senator Cruz's possession be immediately turned over for the committee's perusal. "If he refuses to comply [with this request]" said Senator Grassley, "I am eagerly waiting with my subpoena pen in hand." Minority leader, Chuck Schumer responded to the news of the committee by stating, "With their focus elsewhere, now will be a good time to push our own, Democratic agenda."

[link:http://edition.cnn.com/2017/09/12/politics/ted-cruz-twitter/index.html|

[Warren DeMontague]

1. Ted Cruz had a problem with his staff

It happens, people! Come on.

[ProudLib72]

2. By "aide" does he mean "fluffer"?

[Warren DeMontague]

6. Someone should point out to old Ted that not only does the new Iphone have a beautiful OLED screen

it's also waterproof!

Or whatever other substance you might get on it, presumably, Ted.

[lindysalsagal]

10. Oh you HAD to go THERE.

[underpants]

5. You nailed it

[Major Nikon]

12. I don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head

...but I do consult with him from time to time.

[shenmue]

3. We do not need another dumb motherfucking Ed Meese Commission

[Warren DeMontague]

4. I think this is satire.

But indeed, given that Ted Cruz has argued intermittently for outlawing both vibrators and masturbation, it's hard to tell.

[Major Nikon]

14. Outlawing masturbation makes about as much sense as outlawing abortion

If you're going to establish metaphysical properties to when life begins, then you might as well go all the way. Every sperm is sacred.

[Warren DeMontague]

16. Of course.

I mean, I think it's possible to come up with a decent idea of when life begins. Somewhere around the Hadean era.. perhaps in the regions of hydrothermal vents in the early oceans, or maybe as part of a repeating chemical pattern of organic molecules produced by mineral structures in clay.

[2naSalit]

7. Great...

now they will never get anything done.

[ProudLib72]

9. Wouldn't that be preferable to ACA repeal and the like?

I wish that all Dem senators would start making jokes when they take the floor. "Hey, Ted, is your staff hard at work?"

[MontanaMama]

8. Good help is "hard" to find.

Clearly Ted is taking his staffing issue into his own hands.

[lindysalsagal]

11. Brings a new meaning to the term "wiki leaks."

[lindysalsagal]

13. In related news, "Russian hackers leave questionable images on Senate computers."

"When questioned, Senator Lindsay Gragham remarked, "Suddenly, all of the office staff got very quiet and huddled around their desks. I had no idea what was going on. "

[ProudLib72]

15. Graham is a bit off

I'd believe it if he didn't understand what was happening. Probably a good thing Sessions is out of the Senate since it would most likely give him a heart attack. "Those people need to put on clothes right now! Preferably white clothes, robe-like, maybe with some matching hoods."

[MineralMan]

17. Finally, a topic they're familiar with...

[Buns_of_Fire]

18. These will be "closed door" sessions, of course. nt