New Evidence Reveals Pythagoras Wrote Dozens Of Unhinged Conspiracy Theorems About Triangles
CAMBRIDGE, MA—A trove of recently unearthed documents dating back to the sixth century B.C. has revealed that the ancient Greek philosopher and mathematician Pythagoras wrote dozens of elaborate, unhinged conspiracy theorems pertaining to triangles, researchers announced Wednesday.
Upon examining a cache of papyrus scrolls found while excavating a site near the modern Italian city of Crotone, a team of historians and classical scholars at Harvard University discovered previously unknown writings by Pythagoras and others that suggest the philosopher was obsessed with proving triangles played a powerful but highly secretive role in the world he inhabited, controlling nearly every aspect of life.
“These conspiracy theorems shed new light on this historic figure, who was apparently suspicious of the fact that all triangles have interior angles adding up to 180 degrees, believing this was evidence that they were united in hiding some sort of covert agenda,” said Professor Janet Boisvert, who found among the artifacts an alternative version of the Pythagorean theorem in which Pythagoras concluded that the square of the hypotenuse of a right triangle was equal to the sum of “all the lies embodied by these cursed triangles!” “One scroll is 35 feet long and contains nothing but a rambling series of postulates attempting to demonstrate the existence of a triangle with three obtuse angles that he thought was being kept under wraps by the government.”
“Pythagoras also stayed up every night for two years working on formulas he believed would prove the Great Pyramid at Giza was a hoax perpetrated by pro-triangle propagandists,” she added.
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academic buildings. Are you trying to make our heads explode? 
