How to Broil a Trump Turkey (by Susan Bankston aka Juanita Jean)

[TexasTowelie]

Mark Roy, a Republican candidate for Texas House, claims the FDA is putting sex hormones in canned foods in an attempt to turn Americans gay (watch out for what you eat on Thanksgiving). We decided to honor Roy by putting him in a T-shirt from columnist Susan Bankston’s list of ways to piss off your Trump-supporting relatives. (Collage: Blase DiStefano)

Carving up your alt-right relatives on Thanksgiving.

You know, if Oklahoma sucked just a little bit more, it could vacuum Denton County out of Texas and we could stop fretting about which damn fool that area’s voters elect. Right now, they’re represented in the Texas House by Republican veterinarian Lynn Stucky, who talks about Jesus so often that I count the silver when he leaves a dinner party and would not trust him to be alone with my sheep. Hell, even the pope doesn’t talk about Jesus as much as this guy does.

You’d think the Republicans would have trouble finding someone more conservative than Stucky to run against him in the 2018 primary. They absolutely did not have any trouble at all.

Please meet Mark Roy, the Denton County Republican Party’s vice chair of veterans’ affairs, who’s challenging Stucky in House District 64. Roy has written on Facebook that Charlottesville was staged, Arizona senator John McCain is a traitor to the country, and that the FDA is putting sex hormones into canned foods in an attempt to turn Americans gay.

So you’re not born gay, you just eat yourself that way?

And by gawd, if anybody knows about vegetable conspiracies, it’s the Republican vice chair of veterans’ affairs in Denton County, Texas.

Read more: http://www.outsmartmagazine.com/2017/11/how-to-broil-a-trump-turkey/

[Gothmog]

1. Yeah for Juanita Jean