The paranoid Carter Page transcript: What in God's name did I just read?

[DonViejo]

By Alexandra Petri November 7 at 11:57 AM

Carter Page’s testimony before the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, the transcript of which was released Monday night, was like trying to read a magic eye painting. It is the sort of thing a lawyer — or, really, any person concerned with your welfare — would tell you not to say to a congressional committee. Yet, here we are. For anyone who doesn’t want to curl up with 243 pages of testimony and footnoted letters, here is pretty much how the thing went, severely condensed.

Carter Page: Hello. I am a doctor and a scholar, and I am here about the world premiere of the dodgy dossier that inexplicably made all kinds of charges against me, an innocent man who has never met anyone directly in my life! I have been illegally wiretapped by the FBI, CIA and other U.S. propaganda agencies, and my life has been ruined. I must be continually on the move, like a shark. I have done nothing wrong, but I will answer none of the questions put to me, because I have been studying the law. I am, as I said, a scholar. Here is a letter. I know it looks like a scrawl in red crayon, but trust me — it is a letter about the CIA’s illegal dossier.

Thomas Rooney: Okay. Who are you? Did you work for the Trump campaign?

Rooney: Were you on the foreign policy committee?

Page: I may have been. It was very informal. I was a volunteer who had nothing to do with the campaign.

Rooney: Did you ever meet Mr. Trump?

Page: No. Never. I’ve met him in my heart. Never in my life, except on the television. And at rallies. I think he is beautiful and has a lot to teach all of us.

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https://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/compost/wp/2017/11/07/the-paranoid-carter-page-transcript-what-in-gods-name-did-i-just-read

[angstlessk]

1. With these jokers it's hard to tell the difference

between parody and their reality!

[FarPoint]

2. He's so very cocky and arrogant.

Officially...a slime ball.

[Botany]

3. This has to be a parody

Page: I’ve never at any point in my life spoken to another human being. Also let me point out that there is a great difference between meeting with someone and meeting them, as in, a greeting, per se. I for instance have never had a meeting with anyone, because they have always been trying to make a tactful exit, but I have greeted many people in passing, sometimes running along the sidewalk for blocks shouting their name.

[DonViejo]

5. The last sentence of the italicized first paragraph...

For anyone who doesn’t want to curl up with 243 pages of testimony and footnoted letters, here is pretty much how the thing went, severely condensed.

[Botany]

6. Well done parody

Speier: So you met Corey Lewandowski. Who else?

Page: No one else. Well, not no one.

Speier: No?

Page: Sam Clovis, but, again, we never met. Except for the times when we met. Once in a hotel, we had breakfast. That was it, though.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

7. I've read the transcript, and that is kind of what he said.

He claims he never actually met with any Russians; he just met them in passing. He also claims he never met Trump but has learned a great deal from him. It's really bizarre.

[Madam45for2923]

4. You go gallivanting w/Russian spies expect to be wiretapped a lil bit.

[blogslut]

8. He exhausts the questioner with weird, circular non-answers.

I can't tell if it's affect or affliction or both.

[sarah FAILIN]

9. so this isn't a joke?

It seems like one, but nobody is laughing

[onenote]

10. Classic example of an asshole who thinks he's smarter than everyone else

and demonstrates that he isn't every time he opens up his mouth.