Where do kids learn to undervalue women? From their parents.
Even progressive spouses don’t divide burdens equitably. The children notice.
By Darcy Lockman November 10
Darcy Lockman, a psychologist in New York City, is at work on a book about the gendered division of labor in childcare.
With good reason, much of the concern about misogyny is currently focused on the workplace. As the #MeToo testimonials have shown, the professional world all too frequently tasks women with silent endurance of morally unacceptable (or downright criminal) behavior. But even those of us who have avoided the most abusive workplaces live with malignant gender dynamics in our homes — and risk passing them on to our children.
Study after study shows that, among heterosexual parents, fathers — even the youngest and most theoretically progressive among them — do not partake generously of the workload at home. Employed women partnered with employed men carry 65 percent of the family’s child-care responsibilities, a figure that has held steady since the turn of the century. Women with babies enjoy half as much leisure time on weekends as their husbands. Working mothers with preschool-age children are 2 1/2 times as likely to perform middle-of-the-night care as their husbands. And in hours not so easily tallied, mothers remain almost solely in charge of the endless managerial care that comes with raising children: securing babysitters, filling out school forms, sorting through hand-me-downs.
For the past year, I’ve been interviewing mothers who work outside the home for a book about their experiences raising children with men. Too often, although not always, I hear some version of the story a woman in Portland, Ore., told me: “He’s great with the kids, and from friends I talk to, my husband does a lot more. But he’s on his phone or computer while I’m running around like a crazy person getting the kids’ stuff, doing the laundry. He has his coffee in the morning reading his phone while I’m packing lunches, getting our daughter’s clothes out, helping our son with his homework. He just sits there. He doesn’t do it on purpose. He has no awareness of what’s happening around him. I ask him about it and he gets defensive. It’s the same in the evening. He helps with dinner, but then I’m off to doing tooth-brushing and bedtime, and he’ll be sitting there on his phone.”
Empirical research shows that no domestic arrangement, not even one in which the mother works full time and the father is unemployed, results in child-care parity between heterosexual spouses. The story we tell ourselves, the one about great leaps toward the achievement of gender equality between parents, is a glass-half-full kind of interpretation. But the reality is a half-empty glass: While modern men and women espouse egalitarian ideals and report that their decisions are mutual, outcomes tend to favor fathers’ needs and goals much more than mothers’.
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https://www.washingtonpost.com/outlook/where-do-kids-learn-to-undervalue-women-from-their-parents/2017/11/10/724518b2-c439-11e7-afe9-4f60b5a6c4a0_story.html
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I'll bet the woman does most of the calling & scheduling. 
about besides the actual housework, there is a mental load of keeping track of everything. The woman is the one who keeps track of most of domestic life. When Johnny has to be at violin practice, remember to call the plumber, buy a BD present for hubby's mother, & on & on & on. In most households, that really is on the woman. And a lot of us just take it on, because that's what our mothers did. It's a cycle, but maybe through education, we can break it. It's why the GOP hates education so much. It elevates & enlightens. Things they are against.
Always good to see you! 
I've had to handle most all the negotiations with contractors too.
I feel as if I'm a housekeeper, cook, shopper, mother, an administrative assistant, etc. But he does get paid the bucks, so I must not complain. I just would like more acknowledgment from him, friends, and family of my workload. I've one friend whose husband even plunges the toilet for her! Yes, my mouth opened too. So there are a few of those types but not here.
Good to see you too.
...I should have been clearer that I'm not making it out as though my situation is possible in all scenarios (or that it makes me some kind of saint.....I definitely have my lazy moments. 
). For the first 15 years of our marriage/family I just had the more flexible job (days working from home, shorter commute, earlier hours, etc.) and it just worked out that way. But my brother and his wife are more in line with what you are talking about and he's a good dad, involved, etc. Just doesn't have as much free time or job flexibility.
Of course they also make enough to afford someone to do their yard work, clean the house, and get take out food way more frequently than we can/do.
You think this all just started happening in the last 20 years?
...until they started watching those internet videos.
