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Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
Fri Oct 10, 2014, 12:37 AM Oct 2014

Love Is Not Algorithmic

There is no higher praise these days than being data-driven. A person who is data-driven is free of bias, and cuts through arguments with a sword of truth. No longer do we need to fumble through life. The answers will come. We will know how to respond, just what to do. We will let the data tell us!

And so it goes with Christian Rudder’s new book Dataclysm: Who We Are (When We Think No One’s Looking), a synopsis of insights he gleaned from analytics while working at the company he co-founded, OKCupid. His company, he tells us, could easily sport the tagline “Making the Ineffable Totally Effable.” Indeed, his book sets out to do this, yielding some gainful insights on dating expectations, along with other, more unsurprising findings: Men like younger women (no duh). These data are amusing, even charming.

But something more is at risk. What is troubling here, as we enter the Age of Big Data, the Age of the Internet, and the like, is that we are also entering an Age of the Axiomatic.

To be axiomatic, at its best, is to be deductive, but at its worst, it is to assume that a system is consistent and complete. For instance, in the field of genetics, we can look at aggregate data from 100,000 patients to deduce a mutation that is apt to cause a disease in any single patient. That is the power of deductive logic. But in assuming the system of logic is complete, we may fail to anticipate alternate causes, in this case “epigenetic” or biological mechanisms beyond DNA. Axioms work well in the realm of pure numbers and physics, but they are often superficially applied to biology, and especially so when applied to the social sciences.

Exactly the point we assume the data of a system to be both consistent and complete. This is when axiomatic logic at its most naïve and dangerous.

This dangerous kind of axiomatic logic is pronounced when we assume that a user is a collection of “data points” with a consistent or complete identity. In fact, online-dating services are notoriously complicated by users’ own impossible burden of fully representing themselves in a two-dimensional personality. Social media has struggled to contemplate the self-contradiction and inconsistency of its own users—to see them as more than flat profiles that can be targeted for advertising. Speaking of users who have multiple profiles, Mark Zuckerberg famously said “having two identities for yourself is an example of a lack of integrity.” Writer Curtis Sittenfeld quipped in The New York Times: “To which my only response is, 'You’ve got to be kidding.' I mean, I’m not even the same person with all the members of my immediate family.”

http://www.theatlantic.com/technology/archive/2014/09/love-is-not-algorithmic/380688/

8 replies = new reply since forum marked as read
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Love Is Not Algorithmic (Original Post) Blue_Tires Oct 2014 OP
I worked for an online dating site for a while Prophet 451 Oct 2014 #1
I could use your help Blue_Tires Oct 2014 #3
Well, if you're serious, I can give general advice Prophet 451 Oct 2014 #4
Thanks... Blue_Tires Oct 2014 #6
I'm afraid I can't help you there Prophet 451 Oct 2014 #7
Yes, I was on that site back in the day, too... Blue_Tires Oct 2014 #8
There will always be a healthy tension between a data-driven scientific view of reality... Nitram Oct 2014 #2
The Love you get is equal Ichingcarpenter Oct 2014 #5

Prophet 451

(9,796 posts)
1. I worked for an online dating site for a while
Fri Oct 10, 2014, 02:55 AM
Oct 2014

Our big thing was that each profile was hand-reviewed by actual humans. I once saw one from a nice Christian lady who said she wanted to find and marry an Air Force pilot of, at least, captain rank. How do you turn that into a data point?

Prophet 451

(9,796 posts)
4. Well, if you're serious, I can give general advice
Fri Oct 10, 2014, 03:32 PM
Oct 2014

Firstly, HAVE A PHOTO! Doesn't matter if it's you cuddling your cat. 89% of users will just skim right past you if you don't have a photo.

2) Be eloquent but not too much. Write clearly, with proper grammar and spelling but don't be long-winded and don't use too many $30 words, it makes people feel dumb.

3) If you have a religion, be aware that about 60% of people will not consider dating outside their faith (and, although atheism isn't technically a faith, that counts for them too). If pre-marital sex is a big taboo in your faith or theirs, be aware that's a conversation you will need to have.

4) Be realistic about race. Saying that the US still has a race problem is not telling you anything you don't already know. You might be able to look past it but don't be surprised if others don't.

5) If you know how to be funny, be funny. If you don't, don't try. The only thing worse than not having a sense of humour is being the only person who doesn't know that.

6) Get used to rejection. The number of people who hit paydirt with the first person they message is low single digits small.

7) If you love animals, say so. People like animal lovers. They feel, not unjustly, that if you can take care of a small defenceless creature, you'll probably be able to take care of them when needed. Also, walking your dogs together can be a great first date.

8) Finally, if you get as far as the meeting stage: Always meet in a public place, always make sure that someone knows where you are, who you're meeting, when you're due back and what the flexibility on that time is. Don't assume that being a guy, you're too tough to be preyed on by some freak. And don't ever say that, if things go well, you won't be back until morning. That's a sure recipe for being found in a dumpster.

I'm not trying to scare you. The overwhelming majority of people you'll meet on dating sites are nice, normal people who just don't have time for regular dating (seriously, that's the number one reason people use dating sites) or whose social circle doesn't give them the opportunity to meet many people. And statistically, the chances of you being victim of a murdering psycho are slim-to-none (seriously, I study this stuff). But this is the modern age, so look out for your safety, especially if you're a minority of any sort.

Hope that helps and good luck!

Blue_Tires

(55,445 posts)
6. Thanks...
Sat Oct 11, 2014, 12:33 AM
Oct 2014

I've been doing the online dating thing on and off since the AOL days, so most of your tips I was familiar with...

I don't suppose you had and suggestions on which sites or services I might have better success with? (my last one was e-harmony about 4 years ago...These days I'm mostly messing around with the tinder app)

Prophet 451

(9,796 posts)
7. I'm afraid I can't help you there
Sun Oct 12, 2014, 05:14 PM
Oct 2014

The site I was working for ended up getting sold to Yahoo's dating service and the whole scene has changed so much since then that any advice I give you would be wildly outdated. Sorry about that.

Nitram

(22,791 posts)
2. There will always be a healthy tension between a data-driven scientific view of reality...
Fri Oct 10, 2014, 08:46 AM
Oct 2014

...and a more subjective, "the whole is grater than the parts" view. Like the nature vs nurture dialectic, they are both useful, and both address things the other doesn't. The "truth" lies somewhere in between.

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