A Narcissists Guide to Helping Others Understand It Is All About You
Excerpted from “The Me-Driven Life: A Narcissist’s Guide to Helping Others Understand It Is All About You,” by John Barron.
Reprinted without permission.
Chapter 12, “Coping with Natural and Man-Made Disasters,” pp 269-277
Natural disasters and their man-made counterparts (mass shootings, terrorist attacks) pose an obvious challenge for those living the Me-Driven Life. These events are frustrating, and inconvenient, because they tend to cause those people to think about their own problems: their injuries, the loss of loved ones, their hunger, thirst, discomfort, life-threatening cholera, what have you. This is a common character flaw, and it is harmful because it distracts them from their more pressing obligation to think about you.
It is likely that this loss of perspective is temporary, but even a temporary loss of focus on you is dangerous. It must be arrested and reversed as quickly as possible. You can help these people by getting them to stop thinking about their own concerns and to redirect such destructive thoughts. Here are a few practical steps to return others’ focus to where it appropriately belongs.
First, show them what extraordinary things you are doing for them. Use adjectives such as “great,” “amazing” and “incredible” frequently when referring to the work you have done. Some examples: “I think it’s now acknowledged what a great job we’ve done.” “We get an A-plus.” “We have done an incredible job.” Don’t be afraid to tell them the work you and those who work for you have done “is really nothing short of a miracle.”
Be sure to highlight those who affirm you and your centrality to the situation. This positive reinforcement encourages others to drop thoughts of themselves in favor of thoughts about you. If somebody praises you, say, “He started right at the beginning appreciating what we did,” or, “He was saying it like it was, and he was giving us the highest grades.”
If somebody has praised you, you might even try to get that person to repeat the praise in front of an audience. Note that the person has said “such nice things” about you and suggest, “Jenniffer, do you think you can say a little bit of what you said about us today?” If Jenniffer does as requested, encourage others to do the same by saying, “I saw those comments, and everybody saw those comments, and we really appreciate it.”
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