Matt Whitaker and the "masculine toilet".

[mobeau69]

Whitaker was an active participant in a scam company that marketed "masculine toilets"

In November 2014 . . . World Patent Marketing, announced the “marketing launch” of a “MASCULINE TOILET,” which boasted a specially designed bowl to help “well-endowed men” avoid unwanted contact with porcelain or water. “The average male genitalia is between 5” and 6.”” the firm’s press release said. “However, this invention is designed for those of us who measure longer than that.”

The special toilet was not the firm’s only notable offering. It marketed a slew of oddball inventions, including a “theoretical time travel commodity tied directly to price of Bitcoin.” Called Time Travel X and marketed as “a technology, an investment vehicle and a community of users,” the cryptocurrency never materialized. The firm also pitched Sasquatch dolls, promoting them with a video claiming that “DNA evidence collected in 2013 proves that Bigfoot does exist.”

Only the best!

You can't make this shit up! No pun intended.

https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018/11/democrats-demand-info-on-acting-attorney-general-matthew-whitaker-masculine-toilet-scam

https://boingboing.net/2018/11/14/time-traveling-bitcoin.html

[TreasonousBastard]

1. "those of us" That alone should get grins and giggles every time he walks into the room.

[mobeau69]

10. Imagine the questions if he would ever appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee!

It would go down in the anals of confirmation hearings.

[TreasonousBastard]

13. "anals of confirmation hearings"!!!

[mobeau69]

19. I should've looked up the proper spelling in my Dicktionary!

[LakeSuperiorView]

58. "Going down" does not deserve short shrift in this regard...

[Sneederbunk]

2. Definitely a get for the Administration.

[DinahMoeHum]

25. Gold-plated, of course.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

3. That's a product Herr Oberkommandant von Pilzenschwantz won't need...

[dewsgirl]

4. I saw the blue prints (?) for this earlier. I don't know if they were real, I do know

They were frickin' hilarious.

[mobeau69]

8. Cuomo showed the blueprint tonight and it was hilarious (if you set aside the fact that Whitaker

is the Acting Attorney General of The United States of America).

[dewsgirl]

9. I wasn't sure I get fooled by the Onion, etc. so

easily these days. Everything is so crazy, it gets harder and harder to differentiate between reality and fiction.
Seriously can you imagine this crazy story even two years ago?

[mobeau69]

11. It's nuts.

[3catwoman3]

15. No more than I would have imagined that penis size would...

...have even been remotely, let alone directly, alluded to during a presidential primary.

[GemDigger]

5. "those of us who measure longer"

Prove it.

[libdem4life]

6. Donnie, Donnie, Donnie !!! You "stepped in it" this time.

Wipe your shoes off before coming back in this (White) house.

[Basement Beat]

7. Such a shit show!

lmao!

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

12. Here's a link to the marketing launch.

https://www.prlog.org/12395827-inventvillagecom-announces-the-marketing-launch-of-the-masculine-toilet.html

[mobeau69]

17. That's it! Bahahahaha

Anyone who knows the first thing about water closets and mechanical engineering would LOL at their amateurish drawing. I just can't believe that this is where we are.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

20. I am also laughing at the idea that any men exist

who would need a toilet with the water level 12" below the seat in order to keep their dicks from dangling in the water. If the product actually existed, it would be purchased by middle-aged divorced guys who leave their shirts unbuttoned to mid-chest to display their manly pelt of chest hair and buy sports cars they can't afford. When they invite their equally-insecure friends over to watch football, they'll proudly show off their new toilet that they totally needed on account of their awesome male magnitude.

[TreasonousBastard]

18. Now, if anyone actually used one of those, there is the splash factor to deal with...

a 12" drop could make a big mess.

And just how "big" are they dealing with? That 12 inches would mean maybe 14" long before it hits the drink.

Perhaps it's really aimed at women who want to see their boyfriends squirm...

[Delarage]

35. Gross

One time blue "water" splashed on me in a Porta-Potty. I have never felt so grossed out.

[3catwoman3]

53. When our sons were young, I told them one of the reasons...

...to go to college and get a good education and a good job was so they would not have to clean out Porta-Potties. They were both horrified by the idea that such a job existed.

[3catwoman3]

14. OK - the health care professional in me has to weigh in here.

I have done sports physicals on teenage boys for more years than I care to recall, so have seen more male genitalia than the average bear. Based on my anecdotal observations, and some info I just googled, the average measurement when not in a state of arousal is definitely not what Whitaker claims.

One would have to be hung like a horse for the penis to be able to come in contact with the water in the toilet bowl - the water level is pretty far down. Besides, don’t most guys pee standing up?

[Haggis for Breakfast]

22. Ok. You get spit take of the day.

My keyboard is never going to be the same.

[unc70]

33. A real prob with some poorly designed toilets

While this product is rather funny for an AJ, there are a lot of toilets where there really is a problem. They are really shallow and do have a problem.

There are a lot of bad toilet designs around the world. I really dislike the small round ones (versus oval). TMI

[mobeau69]

38. Elongated ones are nice but they do require an additional 2" rough in so they take up more space.

Offset flanges allow conversion from a round front but some floor cutting would be required. Another reason to have a crawl space instead of a slab.

Upscale homes like the 1% live in are using wall-hung (easy floor washing) elongated bowls these days. In my case, if the market keeps crashing, I'll be converting to a coffee can. And those are getting smaller all the time. Life is hard.

[3catwoman3]

39. Speaking of poor design, you haven't lived until...

..you have tried to use one of the trench-in-the-floor styles common in Japan, while on a high-speed, swaying train, while experiencing motion sickness. Thank goodness for the handrails on the wall.

Those in the floor things are a real challenge for those of us of the female persuasion. Equally challenging when wearing either pants or long skirts - you are either afraid you are going to pee all over your jeans unless you remove them entirely, or drag your skirt into the trough.

[Nitram]

47. I have more trouble with the porcelein in some toilets than the water.

[leftieNanner]

52. I work with horses

and we have a Percheron gelding who might need that kind of toilet

But he's good with just going outside, thank you very much.

Otherwise, I'm thinkin' - nah.

[NickB79]

62. I want to know what guy sits on the toilet with an erection

And one facing down into the bowl, for that matter.

[3catwoman3]

63. I did wonder about that, but was trying not to be too...

...indelicate.

[Blue Owl]

16. You know what they say about a guy with a big toilet...

[mobeau69]

21. What?

TIA

[bdtrppr6]

41. small hands

[Wintryjade]

23. A simple peruse of the first couple sentence had me simply laughing.

And shaking my head. A masculine toilet. The epitome of the Republican/Trump Party.

[DinahMoeHum]

24. Can't believe this is NOT from The Onion.

[murielm99]

28. Trump and his minions are going to

put The Onion out of business.

There is no need of parody news when the real news is this hilarious.

[mobeau69]

34. Yep, The Onion's going down the drain.

[torius]

26. Guess we'll get a lot of (well-) hung juries

under his AG-ship.

[3catwoman3]

29. Oh, very good!

[Turbineguy]

27. Yeah,

real men hate the water that's cold and deep as well.

[mobeau69]

30. Crappy marketing. They should've stressed its benifit for those evenings before a colonoscopy or

if you accidentally swallowed a bowling ball and are looking for it to pass.

[Turbineguy]

31. Swallow a bowling ball?

That's good marketing, to trump supporters anyway. They would believe that.

I wonder if the finger hole edges would scratch.

[mobeau69]

32. Not sure about the finger holes but it's good this is all getting flushed out

before they go and nominate him for AG.

[Nitram]

48. I believe the marketing was aimed at men who want people to think they are well-endowed.

[shanny]

36. clearly this guy is nearly as dumb as tRump

some people are better off not subjecting themselves to public scrutiny

[Docreed2003]

37. Colbert just did a hysterical bit on this!

[Initech]

40. Trump sure knows how to pick 'em doesn't he?

Almost like he has a sixth sense for incompetence!

[NBachers]

42. "Hey Matt, how they hangin'?" "Hello, Whittaker, how's the johniker?"

[DRoseDARs]

43. How'd they get a patent for a thing that already exists? It's just a deeper bowl.

I've shat in them before. Looong before 2014.

[marble falls]

44. A toilet with a cod-piece: brilliant!

[lagomorph777]

46. Perfect accessory for the man who already has a gigantic black pickup truck

with a Confederate flag on the rear window, teabagger license plates, and a gun rack.

[marble falls]

49. And the best part is even tiny weinies look bigger behind it. Its on cheetolini's wish list.

[northoftheborder]

57. !

[lagomorph777]

45. "theoretical time travel commode" ??

Oh, wait - maybe i misread that - it's much more sensible than a flying toilet!

[Marcuse]

50. RIP

[Cattledog]

51. Attorney Genital!

[mobeau69]

54. Good One!

[dameatball]

56. HaHa!!

[calguy]

55. A "squatty potty" will probably fit him and trump just fine.

[The Genealogist]

59. Well, this administration has been down the crapper since its inception

So a toilet bowl to-do like this is quite apt.

[DesertRat]

60. Good god!

[Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin]

61. Hell of a marketing scheme