The new reality of dating over 65: Men want to live together; women don't
Antonio D’Alfonso, 66, is a believer in marriage: He wed three times and was hoping for a fourth go.
For more than a decade, D’Alfonso, a Montreal writer, has been dating a Toronto widow. The two see each other every couple of months. D’Alfonso wanted more: He proposed five times, only to be rebuffed with every try. The older woman refused to live with him, D’Alfonso said, because she wanted to travel and be free. “I have to ask, and I always ask, so what do you want from me?” he said.
The pair took a two-year hiatus, during which D’Alfonso tried dating other senior-age women only to find that they, too, were reluctant to share a home – this even as D’Alfonso said he cooks and keeps a tidy house.
“I really believe that women no longer need men, whatsoever,” D’Alfonso said. “I’m totally irrelevant.”
D’Alfonso’s push-and-pull with his partners reflects a rift emerging between single women older than 65 and the men they date. Increasingly, these men are encountering resistance from older women who want their own lives, not a full-time relationship. While many in this generation of heterosexual, divorced or widowed women want male companionship, they don’t necessarily relish the thought of moving in with a man. Today, say researchers studying this cohort, more older women are rejecting the downsides of the live-in relationship: the co-dependence, the daily tension within close quarters and the sacrifices made keeping a home, caregiving and doing the emotional legwork to keep their unions humming. Some of these women completely forego dating while others opt for “living apart together” (LAT) arrangements, in which partners in committed relationships choose to keep separate residences.
https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/relationships/article-women-older-than-65-dont-want-to-live-with-their-partners/?fbclid=IwAR08AJG2MXj4xY52snJlBJphYny3QUBw6V-_y1-Nj5JDd_6dOS5z-FguQww
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at his place. He likes his cooking better than he likes mine, and he is a good cook. What’s not to like?
My kids finally left the nest this year and I am alone for the first time in my adult life (after 2 husbands and a lifetime of raising kids singlehandedly)
I'm 50... and have NO interest in co-habitation EVER again! I dont want to learn someone's bathroom habits, etc...or have them in my space when I wanna have a "gross day" lol
I would probably welcome a LAT relationship, visits and keep the romance alive kinda thing. But yeah, at this point just looking for a relationship seems like a lot of work.
I am content right now to just be with myself for a while (and the dog & cat dont mind me talking to them or myself either!)
You know the old saying .... these older men are just looking for “a nurse with a purse”. 
A group of women who meet every week for lunch followed by some kind of activity which they decide upon at lunch. Ethel, Velma and Sue usually find something like a movie or a favorite walk along a beach but nearly every time Ethel suggests the bowling alley o r something like that because, "there are men there." This became a tradition with her. One afternoon Ethel couldn't make it to the lunch and the other two began to discuss their discomfort in Ethel's always wanting to go to a place where there are men. Velma said, "Ethel's always talking about men and always wants to go someplace they are and it's annoying." Sue sad, "Yeah, I don't get it, I mean, what would I want with one of those dirty old things?"
A few times when a woman I found attractive crossed my path I always open with 'I'm really good at having coffee. After that, I'm not so sure................' 
So my goal is to find women to meet for coffee. That seems to be enough for me. 
