Adoptee Restoration Project

[me b zola]

A few of the people in this video are my facebook friends. I have found my family, now I am assisting my husbands navy buddy in his journey. To find a warm and loving face on the other side is wonderful, but the journey is about knowing. We all have the right to know.

[pnwmom]

1. I wish I could give more than one rec.

And once again I'm reminded how glad I am that my granddaughter came to us in an open adoption. . . . this video was so hard to watch.

[MADem]

2. Wise are the children who know their own parents....

It's just not right that children should be kept from their family histories and biological relatives.

If the relatives don't want to have a relationship, that's one thing--but it's not right to conceal that information.

I feel for the children who are adopted from overseas...they have an even more difficult row to hoe trying to find their family relatives. Recently, there was a story in China where a doctor had been stealing infants from mothers and SELLING them on the "baby market." Many celebrities got their "designer babies" in sketchy circumstances, as well. It's just not fair to the children or the parents who were forced to give the children away.

[me b zola]

5. Thank you for your wise and kind reply

It really is about the knowledge. Its difficult to explain to those whom take for granted knowing their own history. They go to the doctor and fill out a form with their family history. They watch tv shows that show people looking for their ancestors. They join websites like ancestors dot com and never consider those of us without a history...until they see me post and then want to tell me to stfu.

There are blog sites from adult adoptees who were adopted from overseas. Adoption becomes such a difficult subject to discus because there are so many different issues involved in so many different peoples lives.

Here's to hoping that soon there can be conversations about adoption without people feeling like they are being attacked.

[MADem]

6. I agree w/pnwmom--I'd give this more than one rec if I could.

It's an important issue.

[MarianJack]

3. My wife and I adopted our almost 14 year old son @ 3 1/2 months.

It's an open adoption, but the birth mom moved to Florida and seems to have dropped off the face of the Earth.

He has never expressed anything more than a mild curiousity about her, but if he expresses a desire to find her when he's older, than we'll help him to do so. We hav nothing but respect for the young woman. Our fear, however, is that he may wind up rejecting us in favor of the birth family (although I doubt that he'd do that).

PEACE!

[me b zola]

4. OMG, please know that you are loved!

Please know that you child/ren love you! The thing about adoption isn't adoption, but relinquishment. I very much love my adoptive parents, but I have a history, ethnicity, and heritage that I do not share with them.

Its NOT about choosing one set of parents over the other! Its about the right to know! Most adoptees care so much about their adoptive parents feelings that they are afraid to speak out, or even think of searching. A search for biologicals isn't about replacing you, its about finding out about themselves...normal growing up stuff..

PEACE

[MADem]

9. Kids aren't stupid. They know who gives them love and support.

They may have a need to know their roots, their heritage, their medical history, who their biological siblings or cousins are (and this is the piece that I think fascinates, to see one's own DNA reflected in the face of another), at some point in time, but they also know who was there for them and enabled them to survive and thrive.

I think it's a case of expanding their family unit, not rejecting one for another.

[LuckyTheDog]

7. I told my son he should look up his birth mother when he can...

... but honestly, I am not sure how receptive she will be to being found.

We used to send communications to the birth mother via the adoption agency. But she never went to look at what we sent. She also never sent any inquiries our way, which is something we encouraged her to do if she wanted updates, photos, whatever.

Later, when we found that our son has a sibling adopted by another couple, we tried (again, through the agency) to reach out to them so the kids could meet. But that family declined the invitation.

Maybe this is all for the best. The kid is 12 now, so, I think he will be better able to handle any reunions when he is an adult. I also think the laws in the state where we adopted him will allow him to see more records when he turns 18 than I could help him acquire now.

The thing that bothers me about the adoptee movement is that it tends to paint adopted kids as victims and the adoptive parents as victimizers. That's not only unfair, it's untrue. My son's birth mother was not coerced and knew exactly what she was doing. She wanted the boy to grow up with a father and also to have the ability to better care for her other children. She told us she could not imagine going back to school and getting her life in track while also taking care of another child.

She considered abortion, but decided on adoption instead. For that, I am immensely grateful. I have done my best to be worthy of the responsibility she has trusted us (my wife and myself) with.

[MarianJack]

8. We also are bothed by the tendency of some to paint adoptive parents as victimizers.

In fact, it is the subject of the ONLY bona fide flame war I've had in almost 11 years ad a DUer. The unnamed idiot considered interracial adoptions to be "abductions" and considered my Puerto Rican wife and I as white supremacists by the fact of our adopting an African American boy.

Our son has had a childhood and early adolescence that, while not perfect, is much better than the foster homes he'd have gone to if we hadn't adopted him. His birth moher and father did NOT want him.

PEACE!

[LuckyTheDog]

10. Great, now I am an abductor as well

Our son comes from a mixed-race heritage -- African American and Puerto Rican. My wife and I are white. And the fact that we live in a predominately black community probably doesn't earn us any points.