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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsParaprosdokians for today
Paraprosdokians are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected and is frequently humorous. (Winston Churchill loved them).
1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you ...but it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up -- we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, "In case of emergency, notify.." I answered "a doctor."
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
Ptah
(33,023 posts)3catwoman3
(23,965 posts)This past week was quite emotionally exhausting, so I really needed something to bring a smile to my face - thanks so much!
randr
(12,409 posts)RandomAccess
(5,210 posts)Here are a few more, from one of my favorite American heroes, Will Rogers
"Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans."
"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."
"I am not a member of any organized political party. I am a Democrat."
"I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts."
"I have a scheme for stopping war. It's this - no nation is allowed to enter a war till they have paid for the last one."
"If you ever injected truth into politics you have no politics."
And 2 great ones from Glorida Steinem:
The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.
A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.
And as long as I'm in that vein (feminist), here's another from that bygone age, the dawn of 2nd Wave Feminism:
A woman's place is in the House. And in the Senate.
(A word of explanation for younger DUers who may not realize why this is a thing:
When this became popular, the far more familiar phrase was a bit of patriarchal wisdom designed to flatter women into thinking they were being praised and honored instead of oppressed was: A woman's place is in the home.)
RandomAccess
(5,210 posts)Who has a name I'd really like to have for myself. Sigh. The quotes:
I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent
I have abandoned my search for truth and am now looking for a good fantasy
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
Maybe I'm lucky to be going so slowly, because I may be going in the wrong direction
It's not easy taking my problems one at a time when they refuse to get in line.
It's human to make mistakes and some of us are more human than others.
Before i knew the best part of my life had come, it had gone....
I don't have any solution, but I certainly admire the problem.
eppur_se_muova
(36,257 posts)but I had to Google him to find out more, and found his home page. Thanks for bringing him to my attention !
Jim Lane
(11,175 posts)"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
rsdsharp
(9,161 posts)chastity is its own punishment.
2. Moderation in all things, including moderation.
discntnt_irny_srcsm
(18,479 posts)...Mr Grenade is no longer your friend.
Phentex
(16,334 posts)and the threads people are adding.