An oldie but a goodie
A guy dies and goes to heaven. He's met at the Pearly Gates by none other than St. Peter, who takes him on an admission tour.
The two go everywhere. They go to hear the Heavenly Choir, three hundred angels singing on high. They go to the Great Hall of Saints, and the Great Temple of Martyrs, and the guy is just overwhelmed. Finally, St. Peter walks him into a high room filled with thousands and thousands of clocks, large and small, all shapes, all kinds, ticking away.
The guy is puzzled. He asks, "What's with all these clocks?"
"This is the Room of Souls," says St. Peter. "Each clock in the room is assigned to a single human soul. Each and every time a person lies, the minute hand of their clock clicks forward."
The guy is amazed. He strolls around in wonder, looking at each clock. "That one over there is Mother Theresa's clock," says St. Peter. "She never even told one lie, not one, so you see hers is standing at 12:00 noon."
"That one is Abraham Lincoln's. He only told two lies in his life, so his is standing at 12:02."
The guy is in awe, wandering among all the clocks, reading the names. Suddenly he stops. "Wait a minute," he asks. "Don't you have one for Donald Trump?"
"Oh, his is in the kitchen," replies St. Peter. "We use it as a fan."
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