Married 26 years today and still wish I had eloped!

[Phentex]

Yeah, yeah we had a good time but I still don't think it was worth the hassle or expense. And I think eloping is more romantic. My spouse disagrees and he's the one who wanted it.

We didn't plan anything too special today but I did drive out of my way to pick up a Mud Pie ice cream pie.

Ice cream is what keeps a marriage alive! Here's to 26...interesting years!

[herding cats]

1. Congratulations!

May you have another happy 26 years together!

[Phentex]

9. Thanks!

[Ron Obvious]

2. Congratulations!

We did elope and were married by a JP. Her parents hated me, my parents hated her. 32 years now and counting, while literally everybody we know who had big (or even modest) weddings are divorced. Some of them several times.

Parents are idiots.

[central scrutinizer]

5. I think there's an inverse relationship

between money spent on a wedding and the length of the marriage. Our wedding cost $35 (plus a $20 tip) for the county clerk to come to our house with her young daughter and marry us in our living room. Works out to about $1/year.

[Ron Obvious]

7. That's been my experience as well.

Perhaps the kind of people who have fairytale weddings aren't resilient enough to realise that "happy ever after" is a myth and they give up at the first sign of trouble. That's my hypothesis, anyway.

I wonder if anyone has ever conducted a study on this? Might be an interesting subject for a sociology thesis.

We spent around $50, which includes the pizza afterwards.

[Phentex]

10. Parents weren't the issue...

we were a bit older and paid for everything ourselves. I'm just not a wedding person. I HATED details and mostly didn't care about stuff. It was modest by many people's standards. My hat cost more than the dress which I just bought at a regular store if that tells you anything.

My mother did look like she had swallowed a lemon the whole time but I was told later it was because she felt old.

[kennetha]

3. Congratulations!

We had the greatest time at our wedding. We were starving young graduate students. most of the people at the wedding were fellow grad students, a few professors we were close to, friends from undergrad days, and some family thrown in. We had three receptions.. one in grad school, where we lived. One in my folks hometown for their friends a couple of weeks later, and one in Hawaii, for my wife's family and relatives ... most of whom didn't come to where we went to grad school for the first. It was a blast!

[Ohiogal]

4. Congratulations!

I never wanted a big wedding. Got married when I was 30. Had twelve close family members in attendance, we went out for dinner to a very nice restaurant after. My dress was a knee length pastel silver-blue dress from a high fashion women's store. I think it was perfect all around. I wouldn't have changed a thing.

Enjoy your mud pie!

[Phentex]

13. This is closer to what I wanted...

maybe a handful of friends. Maybe just a JP and then a party. Maybe on a train through Canada.

Thanks!

[Phentex]

11. I couldn't handle that!

one was enough! Glad you had fun though. That's what matters.

[wishstar]

6. Happy Anniversary

I eloped just over 26 years ago because I am introverted and dreaded the idea of being center of attention having to endure being in spotlight of that kind of social event. The judge who married us charged $2 and did not even require witnesses. But I was still incredibly nervous. When we stopped at my in-laws later that day to announce our marriage, my mother-in-law asked if we had been to a wedding as she had never seen me dressed up in the 12 years she had known me! When she found out it was our own wedding, she grabbed her camera to get pictures and she and my father- in- law danced around the living room since they were quite thrilled that we were no longer living in sin.

[Phentex]

14. Awwww...

sounds romantic to me. Believe it or not, my husband is the introvert. But for some reason, he felt like this is what he wanted.

[Fla Dem]

8. Congrats! Happy! Happy! May you have plenty more.

[Phentex]

15. Thanks!

I'll try.

[sdfernando]

12. Congrats...

Here is to at least 26 more!

We had 4 couples in our extended family make it past 50...one got to 63.

[Phentex]

16. In laws made it to 62 I think

but they started young. Who knows?

[Fla Dem]

17. Wowza, then you've got a ways to go! All the best!

[Freddie]

18. Congratulations!

37 years for us. Had a regular church wedding followed by a dinner reception at the nearby Moose. Had a nice time with friends and family and my folks didn't break the bank. Couple of DH's pals got embarrassingly drunk, which was not unexpected. My daughter had pretty much the same wedding (same church) except that the happy couple's baby daughter was there. Kids these days.

[Phentex]

39. Thanks, Freddie!

It's nice to hear about 37 years!

[NNadir]

19. Married 33 years and I did elope. My wife...

...has always complained about our "alone" wedding in Lake Tahoe.

There was a blizzard, and we couldn't even get out to a chapel until the last day, and she had plastic flowers since no real flowers could get in.

The only "preacher" we could get was drunk, but he got through it.

My wife was wearing a leg brace from a skiing accident.

It was, I confess, a crappy wedding, and it was certainly my fault. Having done "Best Man" several times, I couldn't stand the thought of a big wedding and frankly, we would have had to come up with the funds ourselves.

On the other hand, her sister had a big elaborate wedding paid for by her father - who didn't like me and on hearing I was marrying his daughter said "I'm not paying for the wedding" which is Italian-American (as I learned watching "Moonstruck" ) for "I don't approve of this marriage" - is now divorced.

It turned out to be a crappy marriage following that big production wedding.

I say, "better a crappy wedding and a happy marriage" rather than "who cares about the marriage, it's the wedding that counts."

I'm more in love with my wife than I have ever been, and I have always wake up in the morning feeling that I love her more than the day before, and it started, I am sure after all these years, as crazy as it was, really as love at first sight, even though I'm no romantic.

I thought she was the most beautiful person I ever saw that first day I saw her across the room and even more so after our first conversation, but 36 years later, 34 as lovers, and 33 as husband and wife, both of us having aged physically, I feel that now, as opposed to then, I at last know what beauty is, and she has taught me that.

Whenever I'm away from her, I miss her terribly, as she's a friend, a lover, an adviser, the administrator of our home, the person who has the most to do with the fine men my sons are becoming.

Of course, if she heard me saying all of this, she'd roll her eyes and sigh my name, maybe refer to me as a love sick moose, and that would be just another of all these beautiful moments.

The only thing I couldn't bear would be outliving her, but I'm fairly confident I won't.

[Bayard]

24. Wow

You have an amazing relationship. Thanks for posting the uplift.

Had a small wedding the first time around, in a church, about 30 friends and relatives. Lasted 30 years. This time, after living together the past 4 years and buying a house/farm, we're thinking about just hitting a Justice of the Peace.

[dhol82]

28. That was beautiful!

[cpamomfromtexas]

33. Love hearing your take on this.

My crazy father kept threatening me, interrogating me(no shit) for hours once itcwas clear I really was getting married. 33 years later that fucker is still threatening me. My kids dont even care to be in contact with him.

They gave me exactly $0 for the wedding. He even forced me to quit my job that was providing funds for a very simple wedding. He was and still is an abusive MF’r. And abused children dont complain they just plow through with their heads down.

That was a real lesson for me is how little my happiness meant and how much he worshipped money. He was already a multimillionaire. My mother never took me shopping for a dress. But since my grandmother taught me to sew I had a solution to that dilemma. My mother did find out I would not have a cake and I finally figured out why she made the cake. Because she knew not having a cake would travel fast in a small town. I have exactly 10 photos of the wedding and most of them are the obligatory extended fake family photos. My grandmother was my only sane connection and she is gone now.

I still have the amazing husband though.

My father just stole a shitload of money from my grandparents trust targeting me for the biggest damage. And just found out he got the trust involved in a lawsuit.

I started therapy again today.

When I recover from PTSD I am planning a real renewal of vows at an exotic location.

I will send those fuckers and my terrible sister (who got a really ridiculously huge and expensive wedding from them and $25,000 for a house downpayment) a message and photos from the reception.

[NNadir]

34. My advice is to focus on the amazing husband. In his defense, my father in law was not...

...a bad guy. He was old world, first generation American, very religiously Catholic and was kind of upset that I was "living in sin" with his daughter, all before he actually met me. (It happened fast, the change in our relationship from friends to lovers, although we'd been friends for a few years.)

To be perfectly honest, if my daughter - I don't have a daughter but if I did - showed up with the equivalent of who I was then, I'd be a little upset. I'd work to trust her judgement, but I'd be upset. I worked hard to be worthy of his daughter, but I certainly wasn't there at the time but she worked with me to make me a better man.

To a certain extent, on reflection I'm glad he cared enough at least to object to me. My wife would have profited if he'd been a more consistent father with respect to showing concern for her for many other things other than who she married.

My wife had problems with her parents to be sure, her mother in particular, less her father although he was no saint, and for a while we just cut them off, which to their credit, straightened them out to the extent that by the time my sons were born our relationship was restored - at the request of my father (on his deathbed). It was hardly perfect between us and them, but my boys had a fairly decent relationship with their maternal grandparents, while understanding who they were.

My wife was one of those parents who styled her parenting by choosing to not be like her mother; just as my father chose to be precisely the opposite of his father, a notorious violent alcoholic.

If you are a parent, I'm sure you do the same, being the opposite kind of parent your father was.

And I, by contrast, have tried to be the same kind of father my father was to me.

One of the great things he taught me is that it is possible to break free. The last time he saw his father alive, he threw him down the stairs and told him never to set foot in my grandmother's house again. He'd been threatening to burn my grandmother's face off with a hot iron. The next time my father saw his father, it was to identify the body, after my grandfather had been murdered in a bar fight and thrown in the East River.

My father did it; he broke free of his childhood, and that is a lesson I never want to forget; because my father had the strength to overcome anything and everything.

As for my father-in-law, he passed away a few years ago, and we grew enough with each other that I confess I miss him very much. After we settled we had peace. My wife misses him too.

From the sounds of it, though you may want to forget your father ever existed, give your husband a big hug and a kiss, tell him how much you love him and think of the peace of your marriage. Be with your husband, not your father.

Maybe this sounds like a platitude, but love is such a beautiful thing, so precious, and less eternal than we want to admit to ourselves as we all will die soon enough. The more time you spend with love, the less with anger, the more life is worth living. It took me decades to understand that, but I let go of anger easily now, since there's nothing to be gained by it but the extension of grief.

A lot of things upset me - what decent person can be free of upset in the age of Trump/Putinism? - but I let go...I let go...

Congratulations on your marriage! That, and not your childhood, is where you belong. I wish you peace!

[cpamomfromtexas]

37. Thank you for that. What a story!

[Phentex]

51. broke free of his childhood...

can be very hard to do. My sister and I still struggle with this but I have done what others have done: be the parent I did not have. Give the childhood I did not have. Provide the stability and security I wished I'd had.

When my boys say anything, I tell them I smother them because I love them.

[NNadir]

69. And they may not believe you at first, may even resent it, but trust me, the day will come that...

...they'll know.

When I left home, I did so because I thought my parents were sheltering provincials, who, as you say, "smothered" me, for what they told me was love.

If I recall correctly, I resented it, and I was so glad to leave the nest.

When I came back, it was to take care of my mother as she was dying, and dying in such a way that we could not actually communicate adult to adult.

If I could have said something to her that she could have understood, it might have been - it should have been - "Thank you!!!"

Both my parents died before my boys were born, but I often think to myself how much they'd laugh at me as I try to emulate them, how I hear their voices coming out of my mouth, and how very happy I am that this is true.

My father in particular would be laughing like hell.

They may have never met, but my sons know their grandparents.

My oldest boy is now 23, and plainly confesses that he is surprised to learn that I no where near as ridiculous as he thought I was when he was 18. My youngest is 18, and our relationship right now is mostly about discussing science, but we, I'm sure, have a deeper understanding beyond mere science, as much as I value our scientific conversations.

Like my parents, I doubt I'll live to see grandchildren, but I trust they'll know me all the same, should they come to be.

[Phentex]

40. Thank you for this!

I am so appreciative of all of the responses and hearing about others' experiences.

This warmed my heart. I am happy you and your wife are so lucky!

[NNadir]

68. As I am happy for you! I forgot to congratulate you and your husband on your anniversary.

Please accept my congratulations now.

I trust you enjoyed the ice cream.

[csziggy]

20. Congratulations!

My husband and I have been married over forty years (since July 1977). We didn't elope but we did not have a "marriage ceremony" of any sort. We took our license over to the house of a friend who was a pizza cook and notary public. We had to wake him up and pass him the jeans he'd left in his living room. He came out, notarized the form, his girlfriend was a witness, and we had to shake up a second witness.

Done and damned if it didn't stick!

We planned no celebration but word got around among our friends who got together and threw a party at our house that night. A couple of days later I told my Dad and my Mom insisted on having a reception in my home town - that was the worst part of the whole thing since I had to dress up and be nice to people I never liked.

[Phentex]

41. That sounds fun though...

well maybe not the reception part.

Still crazy after all these years....I'm glad it stuck, lol!

[LeftInTX]

21. Congratulations!

I had a Princess Diana type dress.....

Wish we would have taken dancing lessons, cuz my husband kept stepping on it and stepping on it and tore it etc etc. I couldn't believe he did not know how to dance!

I was also spaced out through out the whole thing. Fortunately, all I had to do was say, "Hi" and "thank you" to the guests even if I couldn't remember their names or anything. My husband kept saying, "OK, walk over here"...."OK, it's time to eat".... etc etc. I didn't eat a thing, fortunately I didn't have to pee either.

[Phentex]

42. I drank a lot of champagne...

but never seemed to get a buzz. I think my adrenaline was too high. I did have fun dancing to Bikini Girls With Machine Guns.

[lunasun]

22. Congrats !

[Phentex]

43. Thanks!

[Neema]

23. Been married almost that long and TOTALLY AGREE.

We had a very small, inexpensive wedding and it still wasn't worth the hassle. From what I'm told others had fun but I don't remember a damn thing. Totally wish we'd spent that money on an amazing trip somewhere to elope. Then spent a couple thousand on a big casual picnic to celebrate with our friends and family. Would have been just as much fun for the family and we would have gotten to enjoy it too.

Happy Anniversary!

[Phentex]

52. I think it's hard to really know what you want when you are in it...

unless you are the kind of person who always envisioned it. I had not done that so I wasn't sure what I wanted but knew more what I didn't want. (triple negative there)

I envy the people who really can be decisive with no regrets.

Thanks!

[Bayard]

25. Happy Anniversary!

May you continue to live long and prosper!

[Phentex]

44. Thanks so much!

[handmade34]

26. Congratulations!

[Phentex]

45. Thank you!

[greatauntoftriplets]

27. Have a wonderful anniversary celebration!

Enjoy your ice cream pie. That sounds good.

[Phentex]

46. It was deadly...

but delicious! Thanks!

[flamin lib]

29. A toast . . .

Life is a series of peaks and valleys. Lift your glass to the valleys! May they only be low enough to remind you how high the peaks may be!

[Phentex]

47. Thanks!

Nice toast.

[IADEMO2004]

30. Well done both of you!! Two people vs all life's struggles and still together. Well Done.

[Phentex]

48. I give him most of the credit...

he's so calm and thoughtful.

Thanks!

[marylandblue]

31. Congratulations!

You know, you can always do it again and elope this time.

[Phentex]

49. One thing I didn't know when I marred him...

is how difficult it would be to get him to go on vacation. Got him on a full one week's vacation last year for our 25th and that's probably it for a while.

[Skittles]

32. um, Phentex?

if it was worth it to one of you, it was worth it

[Phentex]

50. You're right...

as the song says "I'd rather live in his world than live without him in mine..."




Indeed.

[Skittles]

66. congrats to you!

[DFW]

35. Good for you!

We rarely do ice cream any more (my arteries tend to clog), but I'm married to a master chef anyway, so I don't miss it too much.

Let your mud pies be the kick-off to the next 26!

[Phentex]

54. That's why it was special...

he doesn't do much fat and I can't do sugar so this was a real treat. We usually have sugar free ice cream or yogurt which you get used to but it's not the same as REAL ice cream.

Thanks!

[CelticWinter]

36. Congrats!!!!!!!!!!

Hubby and I eloped and I have never regretted it for a minute, we will be married 40 yrs this coming Oct. His family hated me and mine hated him, my father referred to him as a "commie hippie" but here we are 39 years later we have out lasted many friends and family members marriages. Hubby is a good man, treats me as a woman should be treated and I treat him with the same respect. People have said how "sweet" it is he will still open the car door for me . I still laugh at my family because of how they treated us, I just say well for a "commie hippie" we have gone through thick and thin together instead of running off like you Neo-con evan-nuts have done There is nothing like being the "black sheep" of the family, my oh my how our coat shines.
Celtic

[Phentex]

55. It just works out that way sometimes...

I think my husband's very Southern Baptist family had heard I was Catholic and that frightened them. Turns out I'm an atheist, and he is too, lol. Still they accepted me with open arms.

Keep shining! I love that.

[CelticWinter]

65. thats great

they accepted you Hubby is catholic and I was raised in an evan-nut church. We are just agnostic I guess now, we are who we are.
Celtic

[shenmue]

38. Mazel tov

[Phentex]

56. Thanks!

[LisaM]

53. Did the guests have fun?

Sometimes your friends and family really want to celebrate with you, and I've been to some great weddings that I'll never forget! I went to a memorial for a friend's mother recently, and she introduced two women, her step-daughters, and said, "the last time you saw them at our wedding, they were the little girls wearing kimonos!"

I did remember, and it was lovely, and it made a bridge between her marriage and her mother's passing. As long as it was a good time, don't have regrets. If people remember it fondly years later and it was a fun time in someone's life, well, it was worth it.

[Phentex]

58. As far as I can tell...

there was quite a bit of drinking and dancing. There were a few things that people talked about but not as fondly as the little girls in kimonos.

[LisaM]

64. Well, we did some drinking and dancing, too.

It was outside (at their beautiful big house with a huge yard) and there was a DJ, and at one point, I requested the Monkees and all the former little girls from our neighborhood ran out together and danced the banana like we did when we were little. I'm pretty sure the bride's mother shed a tear, remembering how we were all little girls once, and how we used to write fan letters to the Monkees.

At the service, everyone remembered how my shoe flew off the air and into the bushes. I danced barefoot the rest of the night, and when we went back the next morning, our one time babysitter had found it and fished it out, and it was waiting for me.

And now it's been 18 years and that fun night is still talked about.

[Freethinker65]

57. Congrats! Will be 27 years here and I agree

I never was a fan of wedding ceremonies.

We compromised and had a small outdoor civil ceremony at a lake house. I did not even need that.

[Phentex]

59. We went to 8 weddings in about a year and a half before ours...

I think that was enough for me. I don't dislike them, but I just don't understand much of it.

Yours sounds like a good compromise!

[The Polack MSgt]

60. As a man married for 32 years, I say congratulations

I found that the first 26 years kinda suck and after that it smooths right out

But really congrats to you both that is awesome

[Phentex]

62. Ha Ha!

Thanks!

[trc]

61. My wife and I got married

during our last week of tech school in the Air Force, at a church in Urbana, Illinois. There were three of us there, my 19 year old bride, my 21 year old self and the pastor "just call me Morrie". That was in 1983, 4 kids later still married and glad we did it our way. It does not matter how or where you get married if it is the right person. Btw, we only actually dated for 4 weeks, knew each other for 7 weeks, and simply clicked.

[Phentex]

63. That's amazing!

I'm happy it worked out so well for you both.

[Liberal Veteran]

67. My husband and I got married at a bank branch.

We'd been together for well over a decade and the my work suddenly decided that anyone with their domestic partner on insurance had to be registered with the state if they allowed domestic partnerships so we had the forms notarized at the bank and mailed them.

The following year, our voters legalized same-gender marriage and the state automatically "upgraded" our domestic partnership to marriage.

I don't know how long we've been legally married, but it's been 28 years that we've been together.

I don't know that either of us are really feeling bad about not doing the vows thing. The vows are in the heart, not in the breath that utters them.