Post Your Greatest Achievement In Life To Date Here.

[Ikonoklast]

And I will mock you for it.

[TexasTowelie]

1. Lighting and smoking a bong using both hands while driving on the back country roads.

[Ikonoklast]

4. You only thought you were moving.

The car you were sitting in had no engine and was up on blocks.


Duuuuuuuude.

[TexasTowelie]

41. No wonder the air conditioning wasn't working when I rolled down the windows,

but at least I was able to light the bong. Now there's an accomplishment.

[SCantiGOP]

29. to TexasTowelie:

Can't take him now that he became a neocon, but PJ O'Rourke had a chapter in one of his early books titled, "How to drive 70 miles an hour while a 17 year old girl is pulling down your zipper with her teeth without spilling your beer." He might have beat you on that one.

[Ikonoklast]

35. PJ O'Rourke wouldn't know how to do that, either.

Someone who is actually cool probably told him that story, and he's been having free dinners repeating other people's experiences as his own ever since.

[sakabatou]

2. Created a dry pastel painting that hangs in a business' gallery

[Ikonoklast]

5. Casting pearls before swine is nothing to be proud of.

As if grunting functionaries in grey business suits even know what Art is.

[Kaleva]

3. Being potty trained

[Ikonoklast]

6. I asked for 'accomplishments', not 'goals', Stinky.

But for some, I suppose that bar is set rather low.

[cbdo2007]

7. Finding a woman willing to marry me.

[Ikonoklast]

8. Keeping someone chained in your basement until they acquiesce to your demand for marraige

is not exactly the definition of 'willing'.

[Taylor Smite]

9. I got WalMart sued

seriously I did.

[Ikonoklast]

12. WalMart gets hit with a lawsuit an average of three times *a day* in Federal court alone

in this country.

Include the numbers for state and local courts and what you are ballyhooing as a 'great accomplishment' is done by thousands, every day.

Piffle.

[HappyMe]

10. Never got a DUzy!

Don't ever expect to get one either.

[Ikonoklast]

13. Negative expectations are an accomplishment in your Universe?

I suppose actually remembering to put your underwear on beneath your clothes makes for a good day, hmmm?

[HappyMe]

19. Commando.

I don't necessarily think that not getting a DUzy is a negative thing. It's the only thing I could think of at the time, that you would understand.

[Ikonoklast]

25. Oh, I understand a great deal. You got it caught in the zipper again, didn't you?

No wonder you couldn't think of anything off the top of your head.

The pain is rather distracting, or so I've been told.

I can sympathize.



I can have a good laugh at the very same time, too.

[HappyMe]

28. My female parts have never got caught in the zipper.

Makes for a smoother, no pany line look.

[Ikonoklast]

30. Look, if you're just too cheap to buy some nice undies, just come out and say it.

I understand that times are tough, and we all must economize wherever we can.

And what in hell is a 'pany line'?

Is that a euphemism for butt crack?

I must admit that I am not up on all the current hip lingo.

[HappyMe]

31. A panty line is the hideous outline

of bikini undies that can be seen underneath tight jeans/pants. THis look, to me is the 'cheap' you were referring to.
I do have very, very nice Victoria's Secret undies. Worn around the house, with nothing else.
Commando is acceptable with tight, skinny jeans.
Butt crack shows when you have bought the wrong damn size, or you needed to wear a belt.

[Ikonoklast]

32. Why are you wasting natural resources like that?

If you keep your home so warm all the time that all you can stand to wear is your undies, you need to turn down the heat and put on a sweater.

Do you own stock in Consolidated Coal?

[HappyMe]

33. It ain't the room temp that's keeping me warm.

Besides, summer (you may have heard if the concept of 'seasons') is a great time for this.

[Ikonoklast]

34. Keeping the windows wide open and then cranking up the air conditioning must really spin the meter.

Wish I had that kind of coin.

[HappyMe]

36. No air conditioning here.

Wish I had that coin myself.

[Ikonoklast]

37. No wonder why you prance around half-naked in front of wide-open windows.

You must be real popular with the neighbors.

But the breeze feels good, of that I'm certain.

[HappyMe]

39. My mailbox is stuffed with requests for autographs.

[Ikonoklast]

42. I am not even going to touch that one.

Waaaay too easy.

[HappyMe]

44. lol!

Plus a storm of poutrage and hidden post would head your way.

I've enjoyed this, but life calls.

[rug]

11. I responded to an Ikonoklast OP.

Mock away.

[Ikonoklast]

14. You sad, sad man.

Responding to me is just like hitting yourself in the head with a hammer; it feel so good when you stop doing it.

[rug]

15. Lol!

[Ikonoklast]

17. Wow, you *really* just don't get it!

I shall now forever refer to you as "Lumpy".

[HERVEPA]

16. My two wonderful ethical adult children

[Ikonoklast]

18. I'm a 'genetic predisposition over environment' type of guy, myself.

You adopted them, am I correct?

A triumph of genetics over a horrible upbringing.

[BillStein]

20. I have lived to be (almost) sixty

Not dead yet!

[Ikonoklast]

22. Longevity at anything is not an achievement.

Look at it this way, there are trees on this planet fifty times your age and you don't hear them bragging about it.

[geardaddy]

21. Living past 40.

[Ikonoklast]

23. Finally found out how to shift it into third, eh?

Wait until you get it into sixth, then get back to me.

Now *that* is living.

[geardaddy]

27. ...

[Corgigal]

24. I saw the band Genesis

five times in my lifetime.

[Ikonoklast]

26. Did you lose a bet or something?

How dreadful for you.

[av8rdave]

38. My kids

My 22 year old daughter, who is director of internet marketing for a very large, multinational company.

My 25 year old son, who graduated summa cum laude and is now working on his PhD in Theoretical Chemistry (along with his wife).

Me personally? I've nothing nor anybody of note.

[Ikonoklast]

43. You raised two fine cogs for the Machine to eventually grind into a fine powder.

Instead of teaching them to never allowing themselves to be co-opted by the vast soulless meat grinder that is Capitalism, you encouraged them to willingly join it.

May God have mercy on your soul.

[benld74]

40. Hoping to go 4 of 8 in Presidential Elections I have voted in!

[Ikonoklast]

45. With that record, I might ask you to vote for the other guy.

I assume that you are currently 3 for 7.

If you were a big league hitter, it would put you in the Hall of Fame after twenty years.

If you were a place kicker in the NFL, they'd be hanging you in effigy.

[benld74]

48. With that record Reagan, Bush Elder and Idiot son ruined just about everything!

[bluedigger]

46. I only paid rent (out of pocket) for a little over one year combined, over a twenty year period.

From 1991 to 2011, I never owned a home, rented, or shacked up, etc... I used friend's addresses for legal purposes such as taxes and driver's licences, but lived and worked on the road (and per diem) almost the whole time, with only a few short breaks until last year.

I think I'm ready to try normal life now.

Maybe.

We'll see.

[Ikonoklast]

47. Were you a member of the Professional Hobo Association?

Did you follow the circuit?

Have you ever won the Empty Can of Beans Trophy?

I hear that it is a quite prestigious award for doing that sort of thing.

[bluedigger]

49. Don't you think I would have mentioned such a prestigious prize, had I won it?

Way to bolster my self-esteem!

What's your job in RL, anyways, "Life Coach"?

[Ikonoklast]

50. 'Job'? What is this 'job' thing you are babbling about?

Of course, hard work never bothered me in the least.

I can watch people doing it all day long.

[IcyPeas]

51. alas, I have none

[Ikonoklast]

57. Then consider posting in this thread the high point of your life, so far.

Then consider running away and joining the French Foreign Legion.

[Rex]

52. Okay, this one time at band camp...

.

[Ikonoklast]

58. And you put your lips back on that flute without even wiping it off.

Ewwwww.

[ohiosmith]

53. Having only one thread locked since the inception of DU3.

[Ikonoklast]

59. Don't really try very hard now, do you?

Criminy, I can get people to alert on me just by breathing.


I am talented in that respect.

[dimbear]

54. I almost finished a jigsaw puzzle once. Got down to the very last piece.

They're tough.

[Ikonoklast]

60. Uh...didn't anyone ever tell you that you aren't supposed to eat them?

I can see why they call you...ahhh, just forget it.

[Major Nikon]

55. Shaving my balls with no nicks or stubble

[Ikonoklast]

61. I am sure that Nicks and Stubble are glad not to be involved in that little exercise.

It's good to have friends you can ask to help, though.

Must be old frat brothers of yours, I hear they're always up to hijinks like that.

[NightWatcher]

56. I dated twins. They found out and were cool

We used to play "guess which sister" in which I'd make out with one and try to guess which one. Sibling rivalry never was so much fun. This was 11th grade and I thought I was the shit.

Mock that

[Ikonoklast]

62. I really can't.

You were the shit, all right.



One of the twins had herpes.

Guess which one.

[doc03]

63. Survived 40 years in a steel mill and retired 2 years ago

at 62.

[femmocrat]

65. Congratulations, doc03!

[Ikonoklast]

71. No, he's not going to cover your rent this month, so don't suck up.

He said he retired, not that he won the Mega-Millions.

Sheesh.

[Ikonoklast]

67. Joe Magarac never really retired.

What makes you think that you are better than Joe?

[doc03]

72. Actually the mill shut down or I would have worked there

until death, so I am tougher than Joe Magarac.

[Ikonoklast]

74. Is hiding for forty years from the foreman really considered 'working'?

I suppose it can be a challenge at times, but it's kinda hard to describe that as 'work'.

But congratulations on getting away with it for so long.

[doc03]

76. I just said I survived never claimed to have actually worked....n/t

[Ikonoklast]

78. Refreshing to see some honesty from a life-long self-professed slacker.

There are people out there that one day hope to attain your level of expertise in the upper echelons of slackitude.

[femmocrat]

64. I survived my teen and college years.

It could have gone either way.

[Ikonoklast]

68. Picking that party school over one with a serious academic curriculum was your first mistake.

Your second mistake was that guy with the snake tattoo on his neck.

Your third mistake was becoming an English major.

[femmocrat]

69. LOL You are better than Carnac!

You know me too well!

(Except even worse -- I was one of those crazy hippie art majors! )

[Ikonoklast]

73. I bet selling those baskets at the flea market is just rolling the dough in.

I give you credit for keeping the entrepreneurial spirit alive in the face of stupendously overwhelming odds, though.

Bet you earn enough money to keep the VW bus running.

[MrScorpio]

66. My greatest achievement is appreciating and liking you for everything you've done. nt

[Ikonoklast]

70. Do you really think that is going to work?

I do so love optimists, their dreams are so easily crushed.

A truly valiant attempt, but since there is a distinct lack of funds greasing the palm of a certain someone very near and dear to my heart, it just rings hollow.

[cliffordu]

75. I came to today

[Ikonoklast]

77. I came today, too.

Discrete adults don't go around bragging about every time they have sex like some high school kid.

It makes you look like a rookie.

Just an FYI.

[cliffordu]

79. It WAS my first time, ya hoser.

[laughkat]

80. Convinced a Friend that Her Views on Race were Wrong

It took me about 25 years, but, through much discussion, practical evidence, logic, everything I had at my disposal, and the obvious fact that I was right, I actually was able to steer this friend from the South to the clear (and startling, for her) realization that racism is for the ignorant and shallow. And that she was neither. My true lifetime achievement. Mock if you will, I shall remain happy with my accomplishment!

[Ikonoklast]

81. But in all these years, you did absolutely NOTHING to help change her

tragic sense of fashion.

She still dresses like it is 1975, and a real, true friend would have stopped that ongoing disaster years ago.



I mean, you let her out in public wearing brown shoes.

Oh, my.

[RedCloud]

82. Stayed a virgin until age 19!

It was a titanic struggle.

[Ikonoklast]

83. I can just imagine your overwhelming sense of relief the day after you discovered

what your 'Special Purpose' was used for.



I use mine to make popcorn.