What was the first dirty joke you ever heard?

[cyclonefence]

Mine was this: Jack Benny told Marilyn Monroe that he wanted to park his car in her garage. I didn't have any idea of what that meant, yet it must've made some impression on me because I've remembered it for more than 60 years. And I don't remember jokes.

Nora Hale told it to me in the girls' bathroom in Capitol Elementary School in 1954.

Do you remember your first?

[jberryhill]

1. And where is Nora today?

Last edited Thu May 24, 2018, 12:53 AM - Edit history (1)

Seriously. I’m curious to know what becomes of little girls who told jokes like that.

[Cary]

2. A boy fell in the mud.

[RKP5637]

3. Yep, I think it was in 1st or 2nd grade. I can remember details but

should not say them here. The funny part is way way back none of the schools were air-conditioned. The nurse's office was in the basement and had basement windows. It was summer, her frosted window was partially opened and was adjacent to the playground. We were sitting on the window ledge. She heard it! The four of us ended up in the principal's office promising never to talk like that again.

[edbermac]

4. Something about blowing bubbles.

[woodsprite]

5. I was 13yo and one of the Immediato Brothers at the Three Little Baker's dinner theater

brought me up on stage for my birthday and whispered the following in my ear so I could repeat it to the audience.

Q: What do you have when you have one little green ball in one hand and another little green ball in the other hand?

A: Kermit the frogs full attention.

-----
Q: Why couldn't Miss Piggy sing the opening number at the concert.

A: She had a frog in her throat.

[jberryhill]

7. Nick, Al and Hugo - good times

Was that up at the old place in Toughkennamon, or the new place with the golf course?

Or I should ask whether it was at the old, old place in Toughkennamon. When they started, it was at the Sons of Italy hall. The food was downstairs and the show was upstairs. Then they built the one in Delaware.

But... did you get the bread turtle, and have to do that, um, dance?

[sprinkleeninow]

6. Lookit an OP I'm replying to?! 😊

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Madame."
"Madame who?"
"Madame shoe got caught in the door."

Me and my girl cousin either heard it or we made it up. Don't recall. Been decades. We said it back and forth to each other and always laughed in naughty hysterics. 😄

Alright, it weren't dirty. But the first cuss word we ever uttered.

[cyclonefence]

10. The first cuss word I ever uttered was

"Hell"-mans mayonnaise. Seriously. I couldn't believe they allowed that to be printed right there, on the bottle, where everyone could see it.

Well, and then there was "Polish it on the stairs," which to this day my family knows will send me into cramp-enducing snorts of laughter.

[sprinkleeninow]

12. That one reminds me.

We would hold our tongues out with thumb and
index finger and say, "My father works in a ship yard."

Ca-rrrazy keeds! 🤣

[quickesst]

8. I'm pretty sure that was my first one too..

... only Jack couldn't see unless Marilyn turned on her "headlights."
1957 Nome Elementary

[kwassa]

11. um, I remember it, too. Seemed dirty.

Didn't understand it, but there was something dirty about it.

[Kittycow]

9. I remember mine distinctly.

Because I leaned over from the back seat of our '49 Ford and told it to my parents on a long car trip. They corrected me that it was inappropriate but I bet at least my dad secretly laughed and later told it to his buddies at the poker game. I was probably in the fourth grade.

Incidentally, the poker game buddies were all law enforcement and once in high school, it was at our house. I came home blasted on LSD while it was in progress and said my hellos. It was the early days of acid so nobody noticed. Ah, the folly of youth

[red dog 1]

13. Not actually "dirty". but

one of the first jokes I ever heard with a bad word in it

Helen had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Helen went to Heaven
The steamboat went to...

Helen had a steamboat
The steamboat had a bell
Helen went to Heaven
The steamboat went to..

Helen had a steamboat etc.



Another one I heard at an early age was called "Bowels no move!"

[mainstreetonce]

14. He put his

Mr Good bar in her Mary Jane and out came Baby Ruth

Someone wrote a note and passed it around,seventh grade, 1957 .
The nuns kept the whole class for hours long detention till someone admitted who wrote it.

[Doc_Technical]

15. Did you hear what happened to Helena Rubinstein?

Max Factor.

[Solly Mack]

16. I was maybe 5 and at a tea. I was being allowed to pour tea for the first time

- more indulgence than skill.

Anyway.

I told a joke I didn't understand and caused a great uproar within the group. It was a joke I heard older kids tell.

Older women, 60's plus, in the gathering, and I was so traumatized by their reaction to me it was years later until I finally got the joke.

I mean a lot of years.

I didn't even think about the joke for a long time.

I told my mom the joke and she sent me on my way and told me not to worry about it. She wasn't upset with me. She was upset with the women. Though I wasn't privy to that discussion.


"Why did the boy swim on his back?" (So the fish wouldn't get his worm)