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(23,738 posts)Bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)pnwest
(3,266 posts)...they're turning Meth back into Sudafed.
mahatmakanejeeves
(57,393 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)rurallib
(62,406 posts)pbmus
(12,422 posts)CrispyQ
(36,457 posts)It was tense.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Coventina
(27,101 posts)They said the ceremony was boring but the reception was great!!
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Vinnie From Indy
(10,820 posts)Last night she called me from a hotel!
Thanks Rodney!
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Vinnie From Indy
(10,820 posts)What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face!
mahatmakanejeeves
(57,393 posts)An engineer, a priest, and a doctor are trying to enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. Thats a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why cant they play at night?
Shamelessly taken from Malcolm Gladwell
Here is the explanation, from the article:
The Engineers Lament: Two ways of thinking about automotive safety.
By Malcolm Gladwell
....
There is an old joke about an engineer, a priest, and a doctor enjoying a round of golf. Ahead of them is a group playing so slowly and inexpertly that in frustration the three ask the greenkeeper for an explanation. Thats a group of blind firefighters, they are told. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse last year, so we let them play for free.
The priest says, I will say a prayer for them tonight.
The doctor says, Let me ask my ophthalmologist colleagues if anything can be done for them.
And the engineer says, Why cant they play at night?
The greenkeeper explains the behavior of the firefighters. The priest empathizes; the doctor offers care. All three address the social context of the situation: the fact that the firefighters disability has inadvertently created conflict on the golf course. Only the engineer tries to solve the problem.
Almost all engineering jokesand there are manyare versions of this belief: that the habits of mind formed by the profession enable engineers to see things differently from the rest of us. A pessimist sees the glass as half empty. An optimist sees the glass as half full. The engineer sees the glass as twice the size it needs to be. To the others, the glass is a metaphor. Nonsense, the engineer says. The specifications are off. He doesnt give free rein to temperament; he assesses the object. These jokes, like many of the jokes people tell about themselves, are grievances. The engineer doesnt understand why the rest of us cant make sense of the world the way he does.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Turbineguy
(37,317 posts)Their personalities.
CrispyQ
(36,457 posts)A friend said it needs to have the egotist, an empty shot glass with an orange swoop on top, & the liquid spilled beside it.
underpants
(182,763 posts)Husband: Well that's a strange way to start a conversation.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)DFW
(54,341 posts)The pharmacist, thinking he has not heard correctly, asks her to repeat her request.
"Cyanide, please, and I need a rather large dose of it, if you don't mind."
The pharmacist rolls his eyes and says, "ma'am, I don't think that is what you want. Cyanide is a deadly poison."
The woman retorts, "I'm quite aware of what cyanide is, thank you very much. It is indeed what I want."
The pharmacist says, "well, if you know what it is, just what makes you think I m going to just hand you over a large lethal dosage of it just like that?"
She reaches into her purse, and shows the pharmacist a large, detailed color photo of her husband in bed with the pharmacist's wife.
The pharmacist studies it for a moment, hands the photo back to her, and says, "well, you might have told me from the beginning that you had a prescription."
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)red dog 1
(27,792 posts)The bartender asks: "Where'd you get that?"
The frog answers: "Brooklyn..There's hundreds of 'em"
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Besides, that's a Robin Williams joke.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Ollie tells his friend: "I think my wife died"
His friend responds: "What do you mean you Think your wife died?"
Ollie replies: "Well, the sex is the same, but the dishes are piling up"
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)SeattleVet
(5,477 posts)He doesn't seem to be breathing, he's turned an ashen grey, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls 911.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence; then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)rurallib
(62,406 posts)samnsara
(17,615 posts)'people think I should run for President...but i think im better fitted for Speaker of the House"
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Turbineguy
(37,317 posts)He says, "Ouch!"
It was an iron bar.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)jmowreader
(50,553 posts)Joe the Pilot was taking a written test when he came to this question:
"President Trump fell out of the aircraft you are piloting. What actions must you take?"
Joe wrote:
"Adjust aircraft trim to compensate for shifting center of gravity and inspect tail for damage upon return to airport."
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Ron Obvious
(6,261 posts)"Hey, did you know you have a steering wheel sticking out of your groin?", asks a customer.
"Arrrrrr, it's driving me nuts.", answers the pirate.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Generic Brad
(14,274 posts)Otherwise you run the risk of shitting bricks.
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)Xolodno
(6,390 posts)Car driver is on a country rode doing about 30 mph when he notices there is a three legged chicken running along side.
He pushes it to 40 and the chicken is still keeping up.
Then to 50, then 60 and still the chicken is keeping up!
Then the chicken takes off and leaves him in the dust. He follows the chicken into a farm and parks. He gets out of the car and notices a farmer. He approaches him and says;
"Did you see that speeding three legged chicken?!"
Farmer says, "Sure did, we actually raise them here".
The Driver ask's "Why?"
Farmer, "Well, did you ever roast a chicken and you want a drumstick and your wife wants a drumstick....then a friend comes over and they want a drumstick? This takes care of that problem".
Driver, "Wow, that's very smart. How do they taste?"
Farmer, "Don't know, never caught one yet".
......
And you thought I was going to say they "taste like chicken".
sinkingfeeling
(51,444 posts)OilemFirchen
(7,143 posts)They make up absolutely everything.