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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsMom died last night
So far I am numb. it's not as if it were unexpected. She was 97, was diagnosed with a bad aortic valve ten years ago and refused surgery to repair it since she never had an operation in her life. Since Dad died in 2013 she had worsening dementia. Last year the same day I had my kidney removed she was diagnosed with metastatic liver cancer. They think her heart gave out.
I can't follow the news - just can't concentrate on it. I turned over to streaming TV but can't remember what I watched all afternoon. The funeral is Saturday. I'm not ready to say good bye.
spooky3
(34,300 posts)Please take care of yourself.
Permanut
(5,436 posts)I went through something similar with my Mother in 2004, had to take a break from world matters and news to grieve. We're just not ready for the cycles of life sometimes. Condolences.
hlthe2b
(101,701 posts)My parents have been gone for quite some time, but I was numb for a very long time after their deaths. Still am, I think, but now I can remember happier times without the overwhelming wash of sadness coming first.
Take care of yourself.
csziggy
(34,119 posts)From when she was a child and young adult. I've scanned all the family albums and a lot of the other pictures. The funeral home will make a video of the photos - we each have a DVD of the one they made for Dad's funeral. Mom pre-paid for hers after that and included the DVD so even though we're only having a graveside service we can each have one to remember her by.
Those photos should bring back some happy memories. Thank you.
kimbutgar
(20,871 posts)Tonight she is at peace as you should be. Think of all the good memories of your mom and you will feel her warm loving embrace tonight. She loved you and you loved her. What more can a kid ask for?
madaboutharry
(40,148 posts)I am very sorry. Losing a parent is always hard.
onecaliberal
(32,471 posts)Hugs and healing vibes.
Autumn
(44,743 posts)better
(884 posts)I will leave you with a thought from a favorite author of mine, which I find to be at least a small comfort in such times.
Do not despair at saying farewell, for a farewell is necessary in order to meet again.
And meeting again, in moments or in lifetimes, is certain for those who are friends.
Richard Bach - Illusions
I'll light a for you both.
TygrBright
(20,733 posts)Grieve as you need to, be kind to yourself.
respectfully,
Bright
Va Lefty
(6,252 posts)babylonsister
(170,960 posts)It's so hard to lose a parent. My condolences.
RKP5637
(67,030 posts)badhair77
(4,191 posts)Its hard to keep your footing at times like this. I wish you peace in working your way through your grief.
meadowlark5
(2,795 posts)She had a long life! Wow. I lost my mom when she was 74 and I was 35. I'm always so envious of people who got to keep their parent(s) well into their adulthood. How much wisdom and support they must provide. So many times I would have loved to ask my mom about things during different points in my life.
I'm truly sorry for your loss
cyclonefence
(4,483 posts)losing your mom is awful. I'm so sorry. <hugs>
benld74
(9,888 posts)DarthDem
(5,253 posts)Doreen
(11,686 posts)NanceGreggs
(27,813 posts)I don't think we're ever really ready to say goodbye to a mom.
TomSlick
(11,032 posts)Don't worry about the news. Your friends here will watch it this week. We'll fill you in later.
You take care of yourself.
JohnnyLib2
(11,206 posts)and my sympathy.
The Velveteen Ocelot
(115,267 posts)It's really hard to lose your mom, no matter how long she's lived, whether her passing was expected, or how old you are. She was still your mom.
PoindexterOglethorpe
(25,746 posts)And I know from personal experience that even when the death is expected and imminent, the actual passing is a shock.
I would like to offer my heart-felt condolences and sympathy.
Fla Dem
(23,339 posts)Peace to you as you travel this journey .
Maraya1969
(22,441 posts)I wish you some peace in these hard times.
CountAllVotes
(20,854 posts)Just keep reminding yourself that she is no longer suffering!
I do know what you mean. I had gotten out of the hospital and the next day I get a call telling me my brother had metastasized cancer, point of origin unknown. Just like my mom, he was dead in a few months.
Hang-in there friend!
2naSalit
(86,037 posts)My thoughts are with you!
Croney
(4,646 posts)I'm trying to imagine life without her and it's hard.
bettyellen
(47,209 posts)peacebuzzard
(5,123 posts)I feel for you, so sad to lose a true friend, mom is irreplaceable.
irisblue
(32,828 posts)I am sorry for your loss.
Frustratedlady
(16,254 posts)Going through old photos will be a good witnessing of a long life accomplished. I'm sorry she had problems in her final years. Life can be difficult enough without those.
The good memories will be your friend for now.
skylucy
(3,734 posts)during this time.
HipChick
(25,485 posts)RestoreAmerica2020
(3,433 posts)sinkingfeeling
(51,274 posts)redstateblues
(10,565 posts)in2herbs
(2,942 posts)one thing to smile or laugh about every day from now on.
Jarqui
(10,110 posts)My mother passed away last April at 93. She had Alzheimer's. The last few years were really tough on all of us. So I have some idea of what you have and are experiencing.
I must be making progress because I have not been able to muster any response to other threads in recent months like this. Not my best moment. Couldn't discus it and didn't really care to. My father passed in 2004 and I still haven't really dealt with that - enormous loss. Parts of you can go numb so you can function I guess.
YOHABLO
(7,358 posts)BigmanPigman
(51,430 posts)Losing a parent is one of those experiences that you always dread and never are able to recover from. Please take care of yourself. If you make mistakes, forget things, can't focus, etc you are normal. It is part of grieving. The only solace is that eventually over time you will feel less pain than you feel now. May I recommend a book that I have lent it to many friends and never got back since it is so helpful in the grieving process. It is about $6 and has one to three page sections since that is all you can focus on for a while.
https://www.amazon.com/s/?ie=UTF8&keywords=how+to+survive+the+loss+of+a+love&tag=googhydr-20&index=aps&hvadid=241601344246&hvpos=1t1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=16044481846949709794&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=e&hvdev=t&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9061219&hvtargid=kwd-96793515&ref=pd_sl_2k4l8l9y52_e
MontanaMama
(23,238 posts)Losing a parent can be so difficult. I lost my mom to cancer and dad to dementia. Their deaths were somewhat expected but still traumatic. I felt I was on autopilot for a long time. Be gentle with yourself. We will handle the news, you take care of you. Peace to you during these hard days.
slumcamper
(1,602 posts)denbot
(9,894 posts)LibDemAlways
(15,139 posts)is 95 and has had some serious health issues the last couple of years, so I can sympathize with what you've been through. I hope that memories of good times shared will bring comfort and peace.
Laura in LA
(38 posts)I hope you can take the time you need to grieve. Grief counseling can also really help ease the transition.
Virtual hugs to you,
Laura
smirkymonkey
(63,221 posts)You have my deepest condolences. My heart goes out to you.
iluvtennis
(19,756 posts)AwakeAtLast
(14,112 posts)I'm sorry she is gone, may you find peace.
JHan
(10,173 posts)accept my deepest condolences.
sheshe2
(83,319 posts)So sorry for your loss.
sprinkleeninow
(20,133 posts)Demovictory9
(32,320 posts)chillfactor
(7,566 posts)I am 77 years old and lost my mother years ago at an age younger then I am now.....Alzheimer's stole her from me years before her time and I lost a bit of her every day... .she was my best friend and even years later I miss her every day. Be grateful for all the years you had with your mother that I never had.
Solly Mack
(90,740 posts)Even when it's expected, it still hits hard.
TEB
(12,714 posts)Rhiannon12866
(202,970 posts)I lost my mother seven years ago last week - and it's been on my mind, not unexpectedly. And I lost my mother due to an accident. Hurricane Irene hit us here in New York, lots of damage, and my mother fell downstairs in the dark when the lights went out. She was 85, was a little unsteady after hip replacement, but otherwise healthy. I kept thinking she would recover.
My advice to you is to be good to yourself. This is an extremely tough loss and no matter her age, that doesn't matter - she was your Mom. Stick close to those who loved her, too - talk about her, savor the good memories, do whatever it is that comforts you. And always remember how lucky you were to have each other and that she loved you like nobody else and that she would want you to be happy.
SkatmanRoth
(843 posts)pandr32
(11,446 posts)I am so sorry for your loss and the grief you are suffering. Hopefully you will make it through the funeral Saturday okay and that you have close family to draw comfort from and comfort in return.
My deepest sympathies.
Lars39
(26,093 posts)malthaussen
(17,065 posts)MrScorpio
(73,626 posts)May she rest in power.
vercetti2021
(10,150 posts)Rizen
(703 posts)My mom has metastatic breast cancer so I know how that can be.
BadGimp
(4,009 posts)Boomerproud
(7,888 posts)I lost mine 2 years ago when she was 98 years old. Just give yourself time to heal.
CousinIT
(9,151 posts)Please just take care of yourself. Wishing you and your family strength at this very difficult time.