If you are married, do you refer to your partner as wife/husband, or spouse?

[question everything]

Spouse, of course, is a gender neutral, but it is also control neutral.

Husband and wife are not interchangeable terms in English and in many other languages.

Here it is from Wikipedia:

Also compare the similar husbandry,[3] which in the 14th century referred to the care of the household, but today means the "control or judicious use of resources", conservation, and in agriculture, the cultivation of plants and animals, and the science about its profession.[4]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Husband

The movie "The Wife" clearly puts the wife as a secondary partner.

Something to think about.

[Canoe52]

1. We are not married but use wife and husband

[Glamrock]

2. She's my wife.

And she's secondary to nothing or no one.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

3. My now ex and I used spousal unit to refer to each other.

[BlueTsunami2018]

4. Wife.

I don’t control her nor is she in any way demeaned or diminshed by the title.

This is the kind of bullshit that makes people hate us.

[OnDoutside]

5. +1000

[question everything]

25. No one says that you "control" her

Why did you reply this way?

I was pointing that this word "husband" is used in more ways, controlling, managing. The word "wife" is used only in one way.

[Flaleftist]

6. Wife

She is an intelligent, independent, strong woman and would laugh at the claim that the term wife diminishes her in anyway, regardless of what any centuries old definitions say.

[Chemisse]

7. Husband, and yet we are partners in life.

I think it's more important to actually be on an equal footing with your spouse than to use a term that implies equality in the relationship.

[patricia92243]

8. Hubby

[FSogol]

9. "She who must be obeyed"

Just kidding, usually "wife."

[Ron Obvious]

10. Wife

For all the reasons already mentioned in here. Partner sounds clinical or too businesslike.

I don't care anymore that it upsets the perpetually-offended.

[Tobin S.]

11. I call my wife babydoll.

[ProfessorGAC]

12. Wife

And there is nothing secondary about her role in our marriage.

[Kali]

13. I refer to him using his name.

and since it is a common one I use a slightly different inflection in my voice to clue the listener as to which specific person with that name. here in written form he is usually "the husband."

[Major Nikon]

14. Ex-girlfriend or 1st wife

Never take anything for granted I always say, but sometimes mi esposa doesn't see it that way and I'm referred to as the future ex-husband.

[Victor_c3]

15. I used to use the "ex-girlfriend" to refer to my wife

the second I married her, she wasn’t my girlfriend anymore.

Now, she really is my ex-wife. We’re doing the divorce thing after nearly 14 years of marriage.

[Victor_c3]

16. I liked the term "life partner"

Around 2004-2007, when I was still in the army, don’t ask don’t tell was still very much the policy. I used to refer to my wife as my “life partner” and it’d throw everyone off.

[Harker]

17. My first wife died.

My second wife and I are not married.

None of us ever saw the movie.

[Aristus]

18. Wife.

I know: how bourgeoise.

Still: wife...

[csziggy]

19. I use "husband" in casual conversation but "spouse" for forms and legal documents

And I rip into anyone that calls me Mrs. "csziggy's husband." I am not a "Mrs." - I am a Ms. I have never used his surname or a derivation of his name on any document ever.

When family sends out invitations to Mr. & Mrs. "csziggy's husband" I consider that I was not invited since they did not use any form of my name. That also means for weddings, graduations, and baby showers I do not buy gifts since I was not invited.

[question everything]

20. Good fot you!

Even before her wedding there were indications that Elizabeth Cady Stanton had a vision of marriage that would differ from the cultural norm. She convinced her fiance, Henry Stanton, to omit the word "obey" from their wedding vow. She also insisted that she be known as Elizabeth Cady Stanton, not Mrs. Henry Stanton.

I cannot find it now, but she had a letter objecting to be called "Henry," comparing such custom to slaves being given their masters' names.

[akraven]

21. After all these years?

I call him lover.

[Buckeyeblue]

22. I refer to her by her name.

If noticed that sometimes when people start with my husband or my wife, a complaint follows.

[jamesalex]

23. interchangeable

wife are not interchangeable terms in English and in many other languages.

[DFW]

24. When speaking English, we use wife and husband, but we don't speak English at home.

We just use the traditional German terms (Mann & Frau). We both are quite secure in our roles, and don't feel diminished by traditional language any more than we would feel bolstered by forced political correctness.

[dameatball]

26. Individual 1

[question everything]

28. My condolences, dear Melania

But this, too, shall pass.

[dameatball]

29. That would be best

[zipplewrath]

27. Context is everything

Depends upon what I want to convey. In this day of single gender marriages, I often use spouse to not create a distinction.

[apcalc]

30. spouse only

[Cold War Spook]

31. When talking about her I use her first name.

She uses my first name. This is her 5th and my 3rd, but my first 2 died.

[Moostache]

32. The secret to making it past 20 (now 23 years)?

I call her by her name!
If I said "wife, come hither..." I would get slapped upside the head! (actually, the 'come hither' part would probably still get me a righteously earned swat or very dirty look of disapproval!)

Using gender neutral terminology is pointless unless gender identity is central to you personally...for us, as a married couple, it's not a thing to consider or be worried about...I don't care if other people want to worry about it, but I kind of lose respect for their position the moment they demand others play by their rules too in a universal manner.

I approach it the same way I do religion or my penis...it can be great to have one, even OK to be proud of it and fantastic when shared, in private, with consenting adults...but the second you whip one of them out in public discourse, or around children, you need to stop and rethink yourself and your actions in the first place!

[Runningdawg]

33. We are partners

use the other definitions interchangeably but I often call him My Old Man in jest because he's 20 years younger.

[Croney]

34. When I see an old movie where they say,

"I now pronounce you man and wife" instead of husband and wife, I remember how things used to be, when a wife was a possession. Now we have all variations, and people are being called what they want to be called, and are free to be themselves...

Well, maybe when we get rid of the orange turd.

We call ourselves husband and wife mostly, but I've always been a Ms. and not a Mrs.

[TomSlick]

35. Herself.