Introverts - Do you have problems traveling/staying at other people's homes?

[smirkymonkey]

It seem that the older I get, the harder it gets for me to be away from home and to visit other people and have to adjust to their rhythms and constant socializing.

I went to my brother's surprise retirement party in Vermont on Friday. (He's only 49, retiring as a Col. from the Air Force) I rode there w/ my sister and her family from Maine. We arrived around 7:30pm and there were a number of people at my brother's house drinking, including my mom and my brother's wife's mother along with a bunch of neighborhood friends.

I was starving and when I am hungry I get very cranky but when other ppl are drinking they don't seem to be in any hurry to get dinner. I finally managed to round people up around 9pm and we went to a restaurant that was too busy to seat us so we had to go to another restaurant - at this time it was around 9:45. We finally got seated and managed to get some food around 10:15. The reason I mention this is that I can't stand being held hostage to other people's eating habits when I am away. My family, when they are together, tends to forego food for cocktails and I am someone who needs to eat regularly or my blood sugar drops and I get very irritable and angry.

There was also no privacy as my brother's house was full with my parents and his wife's mother so we had to sleep in the RV that we drove down from Maine in. I felt like I could not get away from people and it drove me crazy to have to be around people all day every day that I was there. It wasn't personal toward anyone, I just can't stand being around other people that long. I really hate forced socializing.

The party itself was very nice - it was in their yard - about 200 people. It almost felt like a wedding instead of a retirement party, but it was very touching. A number of people got up and spoke about my brother very beautifully so I am glad I went to be there for him.

However, I just could not wait to get back home to be in my own bed, by myself, in my own apartment. Where I can do what I want, when I want, eat when I want, sleep when I want for how long I want. Does anyone else find that they just can't wait to get home as soon as they leave to travel/visit other people?

I sometimes feel like there is something wrong with me when I am around my family because they really don't get my need to be alone, but I often feel like I am going to scream if I can't get away from people. I am so happy to be back in my peaceful little apartment by myself.

[katmondoo]

1. I am just like you. I live alone and would have it no other way.

[electron_blue]

2. sounds normal to me

I'm a pretty hefty introvert but most of this doesn't sound like introverted issue to me. I mean who wants to wait until 10:30pm for dinner, unless you are used to it? I bet everyone else ate before they showed up to the house. And 200 is a lot of people. Most of them you don't know, I presume. Anyway, yes, there's nothing wrong with getting a place to stay, whether it's your RV or a hotel.

[smirkymonkey]

15. Thanks electron_blue.

I always feel like there is something wrong with me when I am with my family. They can't understand why I don't want to be around people constantly. They just don't get it at all.

[MaryMagdaline]

3. I completely relate

Can’t stand staying at other people’s houses. I almost always stay at hotels near my family and friends. Someone else to make the beds; shower always available. I’ve been to dinner parties where traditionally, dinner is supposed to be on time, and have nearly dropped from hunger. Eat and nap before parties.

My house is the best place in the world!

[smirkymonkey]

10. I wish I could have afforded a hotel but hotels in Burlington were going for

$350 - $650 per night this past weekend. It was ridiculous. I would have taken an Uber into town to get away but my family would have been upset with me for leaving the "festivities". It was pretty much a three day cocktail party and I did manage to sneak a few naps in. Not so much because I was tired, but because I had to just check out.

[CurtEastPoint]

4. Identical. I travel alone and stay in hotels and have no one to answer to or make dinner

plans. I eat where and when I want (well, in France, after 7pm!). I do not like staying in a B&B w/others around. I mean, I love people and chat up strangers when traveling but I just like my own little world.

[blm]

5. I grew up in a very large family.

I prefer hotel rooms when I visit.

[DetlefK]

6. Sounds about right. I need my "quiet" minutes when staying at others.

[MontanaMama]

7. I'm an introvert for sure...

I travel a lot for both work and pleasure. While it doesn’t bother me to travel, I definitely avoid staying in someone’s home if I can help it. I absolutely need quiet time alone to rest and recharge and bunking with a bunch of other people makes me crazy. There’s not a thing wrong with you.

[smirkymonkey]

16. I traveled for work last week and at least had my own hotel room, but it was

7am to 9:30pm with my team/customers. It was exhausting. Maybe that is why this weekend was so hard for me. Thanks MontanaMama!

[redstatebluegirl]

8. I totally understand my husband and I are similar.

When we travel, we like to have a hotel room, even in cities where we have family, and a rental car. My husband calls it an escape option . We are not introverts, although my husband is somewhat that way, we just like our own space. I also do not enjoy having house guests. Thankfully our home is small and it doesn't lend itself to visitors.

I don't want to sleep on a pull out couch, or an old double bed that is uncomfortable. Like you, I also do not like to be on other people's schedules.

We have a family reunion coming up soon, we have already booked a room and plan to drive the 700 miles. That way when my husband's nephew gets drunk and disorderly we can say we are tired and head for the hotel and the pool.

I know this sounds harsh, but fish and family go bad pretty quickly in most cases.

[smirkymonkey]

17. Heh heh! Yes, you are right about that!

The thing is, I love them all and I feel very guilty about my need to escape. It isn't personal, it's just that I am so used to being on my own and living on my own terms that I find living by other people's schedules and terms unbearable. I know it sounds selfish, but I would not expect anyone to behave differently if they were visiting me.

[MaryMagdaline]

59. Ha! We call it the "escape hatch" in our family

Thankfully, we all like our space. 8 children growing up/ we're over sharing our spaces with one another.

[Midnight Writer]

9. Yes, I can't stand staying at other people's homes, or sharing hotel rooms.

Basically, I can tolerate social situations only so long before I need to be alone and recharge.

P.S. I love people, and this is not a matter of hostility. I just seriously need alone time.

[smirkymonkey]

19. I know exactly what you mean, but still others see it as a sign of hostility and I

just wish I could let them know that it has nothing to do with them and it has everything to do with me and feeling overstimulated. I have about 2 hours of social capital and when that is spent, it's spent. I had to save it for the party and not mindless chit chat during the day.

[The Genealogist]

11. I've had problems visiting others homes since I was a child

I think there are a lot of feelings. I am afraid I will embarrass myself by doing something wrong, it is uncomfortable not to know what to do with myself, it can just be an all around uncomfortable feeling, especially if I am going to a stranger's house especially. I think a lot of it has to do with my introversion.

[smirkymonkey]

20. Yes, I know what you mean. I also thing that part of it is feeling like other people expect things

of me or are judging me and I find that exhausting as well. It's why I feel so comfortable alone. Sometimes I just want to hide out in a corner and be on my cell phone, but my mother won't let me do that in front of her. She thinks it's "anti-social".

[The Genealogist]

24. I find that the image of me being "anti-social" is one I have to fight to disprove.

I've long felt like this is an extrovert's world. Most of my friends are introverts like I am, and totslly get it. But those in my life who are extraverts think I am anti-social if I don't want to go to a loud party or something else with a lot of people. The fact is, being with more than a few people is emotionally exhausting. When i do go to a party or other large social event, i just seek to blend into the wallpaper. In short, I totally dig where you're coming from!

[Laffy Kat]

12. I relate to this 100%.

I spend so much time and worry trying to get out of invitations I've accepted. I go to work and deal with people all day long, give it all I've got, then come home mentally exhausted, wanting only to be alone. I do enjoy staying in hotels but can't stand the thought of staying with friends or even family. When I do socialize I enjoy it but end up feeling drained of mental energy and the only way to recharge is to be alone. I've been divorced for three years but dating is out of the question.

[smirkymonkey]

21. Hah! I know exactly what you mean! People are always asking me why I don't date and

I don't really want to tell them the truth. Because I don't want to spend my free time being around random other people. I just don't have the energy for it. I find people exhausting, especially dating prospects. I usually can't wait to get the hell home!

[Hoyt]

13. Can't tell you how many times I've visited folks and declined their offer to stay at their house.

I always find a room, make up some excuse like new medication gives me nightmares and I scream throughout the night or something.

The last time I stayed at someone's house -- other than a really close, understanding friend -- was decades ago and I was so miserable.

Even just traveling and staying in hotels/motels is an energy drainer for me. Luckily, I have found the most wonderful Ladyfriend who understands, although doesn't always like it.

[smirkymonkey]

22. I find that I just like my own creature comforts, my own bed, my own routines.

It's easier in a hotel, but I hate living out of a suitcase. I have gotten to a place in life where I just love my little space. I really don't like leaving it. I have always loved to travel and I know I will again, but there is no place like home!

[pandr32]

54. I don't mind short-term living out of a suitcase

We sometimes rent a condo, but otherwise will stay in a hotel. We have our schedules down and I am the more introverted of the two of us. The single time we have stayed with family had us vowing never again. We were so uncomfortable and hardly slept.

I can only drink two drinks tops and can remember family members getting way too drunk at gatherings to want to participate. It is awkward. By staying elsewhere it is easy to pull out of the social scene and leave.

It can be fun to take time and visit local shops, galleries, and sights on our own so we do make the most of our visits and enjoy the "vacation" time with each other.

[demosincebirth]

14. Alcohol suppresses hunger pains

[smirkymonkey]

23. Obviously, because these people seem to never want to eat at all.

Meanwhile, I am ready to rip someone's head off from low blood sugar.

[Peregrine Took]

18. I dread all social events - sleepless nights preceed.

Since I retired (early) I like more and more to be at home.

I can go out to dinner,movie, theater with my husband and I'm ok with him and my one friend but anything more than that? Ugh.
I worry about my hair, my outfit, what will I say, etc.
Usually I'm super quiet in a group and only start speaking until after my first glass of wine - then, If I have another, Katie bar the door - I will start to blurt out all manner of stuff I regret later on!
YIkes.

[smirkymonkey]

25. I really just love to go out for a meal or a cultural event with people.

I can even spend the day with people as long as it is on my turf and I can go back home at the end of the day.

I guess I just don't like being out of my element much anymore.

[oregonjen]

26. Putting a name to my personality, introvert, was a game changer for me

I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me. After reading Susan Cain’s “Quiet,” it helped me realize we need all personalities to make the world work. Extroverts are needed just as much as introverts. I need quiet to recharge my batteries and it sounds like you need that, too.

[smirkymonkey]

38. I loved that book!

However it still seems like the world is dominated by extroverts, or maybe they just take up more space. You have a very healthy attitude about it. I am still a bit resentful because I feel like they don't value or accept us. I know it takes all kinds, but I still don't think the world values the power of introversion.

I need a LOT of time to recharge! I took today off from work because I was going to come back from Maine today but I changed my train ticket to come back yesterday. I could not wait to get home.

[oregonjen]

39. It IS still dominated by extroverts!

The educational system is a huge one. Huge praise for those who speak up in class, big no no, to be an introvert in school.

[Newest Reality]

27. I am...

I am an ambivert with a strong leaning towards introvert. In other words, it all depends on the context or my state. It is very seldom that I enjoy or feel all that comfortable with extroversion. It is almost like a formula that has to be just right.

With aging, having been alone mostly, (no family or friends) for several years, it does get more challenging and difficult to be immersed in some social situations and it can feel like being plunged into cold water. That may just be the force of habit.

I think it has to do more with close interaction and who is involved or what is going on. I can be in busy places or walk around on a city street and not feel anxious or uncomfortable.

[smirkymonkey]

40. It's funny, but I love interactions with strangers. I love the people in my neighborhood

and all the shop people I encounter. I think it is when I am around people who have expectations of me that I feel the most oppressed. I don't think my family really knows or accepts who I am and that is kind of painful. They are kind people, but very conventional and I am a bit "different" - introverted, liberal, free spirited, etc.

I know exactly what you mean about walking around a city street and feeling completely free and open. I feel the same way. I am so open and friendly, you would never guess I was an introvert. It's only with people I am close to that I tend to retreat.

[Newest Reality]

43. I think that's healthy then!

Yeah, it's not the same as being anxious and paranoid in public

Thanks! Birds of a feather.

[CousinIT]

28. Yes. Yes. Yes. and Yes.

It's EXHAUSTING for introverts to be around other people for more than short periods. And being hostage to the eating and other schedules and habits of others is unnerving!

You are not alone with these feelings. I love most of my relatives (Republicans some of them so I tolerate except one of them whom I've written off completely) - but I don't want to live with them. A dinner or holiday is about all I can take.

[smirkymonkey]

41. That is another thing! Half my family is repubican, although I don't think they are

huge Trump fans. However I did not hear one word this weekend about politics. That was very refreshing. We kind of have an unwritten rule in my family not to talk politics and we are pretty good at sticking to it. Our love for each other means more to us than our political affiliations. The republicans are not that hardcore, and we Dems are very devoted, but keep our mouths shut to keep the peace.

[CousinIT]

46. Same in my family. The one rabid Trump supporter is the one we mostly avoid.

Because he just can't with himself and his Trumpism.

[Polly Hennessey]

29. You are not alone in your thinking.

I detest staying at anyone’s house. Usually opt for a hotel room. Remember for most of our lives we lived, worked, socialized around others. We had no choice. In retirement we do have a choice. I choose to spend time with me, my two dogs, my two cats. Love it. I am on my schedule.

[smirkymonkey]

63. I am not retired yet, but I would give anything to be. I find as I get older, the less tolerance I

have for other people. I am fine with people as acquaintances and people in my building/in my neighborhood, but being forced to spend 8-10 hours a day with the same people is excruciating!

[secondwind]

30. I'm surprised that your relatives, knowing your blood sugar problem,

didn’t include this in their plans. It seems very wrong to me. I have a husband with diabetes, and I know the consequences if a person doesn’t eat, this was not good at all.

[RobinA]

33. When You Have

blood sugar needs but aren’t diabetic, people just don’t get it. Hell, I can’t even make my damn doctor understand.

Nothing short of, « If I don’t get something to eat in 2 minutes I will collapse in weeping puddle, drive this car off a cliff, or punch your face in » seems to work, and I’ve never gotten that blunt. I carry protein bars.

[smirkymonkey]

45. It's funny, but my sister knows that when my mood goes south that I need

food, I might not even feel actual hunger, but I turn into "honey badger". She mentioned that she knew I needed to eat or that I was going to lose it.

Does anyone else get like this? Once I get some food into me, it's like a drug. I completely calm down, but I just can't go that long without eating or I get totally imbalanced.

[cate94]

57. My whole family has blood sugar issues.

When my mom was alive she would host family parties and dinner would be 3 hours late. By that time, all of us were at each other’s throats. One year my brother suggested we each bring an appetizer and suddenly family parties became pleasant.

My wife and I host the parties now. We always have food out and try to make sure everyone’s needs are met. Because my family is large, we actually designed the house so there would be places to retreat to. We will be downsizing soon and I hope it doesn’t change that dynamic too much.

Like you, I am introvert and need to recharge. I get my space clearing tables and doing the dishes. Not many people bother you if you are doing a task. 😁 if they do, I ask them to get me a cocktail, or a coffee. Works like a charm.

[smirkymonkey]

60. It's amazing, isn't it? How food can change people's moods like that.

The problem being around people who drink heavily is that they don't care about food until it's very late and those of us who need to eat tend to suffer. I either have to eat or go to sleep or else I am miserable. My other siblings have very large homes where I can retreat to my own room so it's much easier, but this brother has a very open floor plan and only enough bedrooms for the family. I was about to lose my mind! Thank god my sister's dog was there! She keeps me sane.

[RobinA]

31. Totally Get It

I am an introvert and have the blood sugar issues. Luckily, my family gets it, because many are the same. My problem is in friend and stranger situations. My friends I have trained about the food, but some don’t get the introvert thing.

I get the not like being held hostage to other peoplés eating habits. This was always a problem during work travel. Thankfully I don’t have to do that anymore, but I would take snacks to avoid problems in those situations.

I have always, as much as possible, made sure I am the driver during social events. You still may have to stay longer than you are completely comfortable with, but knowing you can eject if necessary lessens that hostage feeling.

[smirkymonkey]

49. Thanks Robin A!

I wish my family got it. I may need to educate them so they don't think that it has anything to do with them.

I am the city girl who doesn't drive so when I go to visit I am dependent upon them for transportation and housing. I have taken Uber's to leave parties early when they are at other people's places to go back to my sibling's home, but this party was at my sibling's home so there wasn't much of an option.

[woodsprite]

32. When we have to do extended family stuff like that

we put off (or delay letting relatives know we made arrangements), until we find out where everyone else is going to be. Then we do our own thing and meet up for the event, maybe a family dinner or two, but we always have our rental/hotel/rv to retreat to. I don't think I could do it any other way with all my conservative inlaws.

We're actually doing that for my nephew's wedding in Dec. Already found out that extended family are staying at a place 15 min. from the venue and are going to arrive Thursday/Friday. We're arriving Saturday, going directly to the wedding and reception, staying Saturday night at a Holiday Inn Express (we have points to use), spending Sunday doing a bit of sightseeing/shopping in Colonial Williamsburg, then driving home.

AND I'm already practicing saying "Sorry. I don't talk politics with relatives." It's a military wedding and a majority are evangelical trump-humpers.

[Arazi]

34. I'm an introvert and always hungry so I always bring snacks, a granola bar and nuts

Since you were at your brothers' house, I'd have headed to their kitchen and rummaged for the pb and jelly and made myself a sandwich.

After which I'd have gone to a bedroom, closed the door, and meditated for an hour or so.

How did you find a restaurant that could handle 200 +/-guests at 9 pm?! That's crazy!

And the fact your sister-in-law threw a party and didn't have any food, just booze, is even crazier...

[smirkymonkey]

62. Oh no, the restaurant was just for my immediate family who was there early.

There were only 11 of us. The party was on Saturday and there was tons of booze - hard liquour, wine, beer, etc. An entire canoe filled with ice and craft beer. They had an entire tent w/ a charcuterie spread and rented a wood-oven pizza truck. The pizza was amazing! I was quite happy once the food started!

It was the night before that there wasn't any food, my sister-in-law and brother weren't there. She took him out to their camp in the Adirondacks for an "Anniversary surprise" and they came in just as the party started. Sorry if my message was confusing.

[captain queeg]

35. I'm starting to wonder

I don’t think of myself as being overly introverted but I like my alone time. I’m going back for an extended visit with family and what started with staying at my sisters for a few days before going down to stay at an airB&B and visit my brother for a couple days has turned into sharing the B&B with my sisters. Looking back it seemed to make sense but now I’m wondering. On top of that I find my brother very annoying. He’s dying and I feel obligated to spend some time with him but have no doubt I’ll have to make my escape throughout the day.

[smirkymonkey]

65. Ideally, it's best to stay at a hotel or B&B, I just didn't have the money to do so.

I am sorry to hear about your brother. It must be very difficult for you to be in that position. I honestly feel for you. I am sure that is not an easy thing to bear.

[captain queeg]

71. Everyone piled on my B&B to save money.

It made sense. The other part is it’s walking distance from my brothers so I can make my escape since I won’t have a car. I guess if I really need a break I can spend the money on Uber and a motel. It’s a family thing and don’t know when or if I might see them again.

[LuckyCharms]

36. There is nothing wrong with you.

I'll relate my general situation to you:

I used to socialize a lot from my 20's into my early 40's. During this time, I would drink socially. I got pretty funny when I drank, and people seemed to enjoy my company because they tended to seek me out to attend social functions.

Then, I quit drinking. It was then that I kind of came to a realization that a lot of people suck. I also realized that a lot of "socializing" is nothing but bullshit. In my mind, there are no real connections to be made in a lot of social situations.

Don't get me wrong...I don't despise people, nor do I despise socializing. For me however, when I quit drinking (and smoking), I gained a lot of clarity about human interaction. Couple that with the fact that we grow older and wiser. This factor alone tends to make us realize what is really important in life, and to me, forced socialization is not one of those important things.

What is important to me these days is connecting with people on a serious and personal level. To understand their struggles. To help people out if I can. Also, being alone more often than not has become pleasurable.

I think that I am one of those introverted people who appears to be an extrovert, but is in fact, happier to be away from people most of the time.

I don't think I'm explaining this well, but I hope it makes some sense.

[smirkymonkey]

50. It makes perfect sense!

I completely understand this. It has been my trajectory as well! Thank you Lucky Charms!

[Bradshaw3]

56. Neuroscience research backs you up

Meaningful social interactions have been found to increase the creation of new brain cells, just like exercise. As I get older I find I don't have to justify not wanting to go to parties or similar situations like I used to. It's my life and if I don't want to do something, I don't.

[smirkymonkey]

61. That's good to know.

I am tired of feeling like there is something wrong with me because I can't stand mindless social interaction. On the other hand, I managed to have a few meaningful conversations inside the house with people I have known for a while and that was very gratifying.

[Bradshaw3]

68. I learned a lot from psychology reseachers and it has been helpful

I worked with some well-known reseachers for a long time and the main thing their work taught me was not to be so hard on myself. A lot of our behavior is - I don't want to say pre-determined - but a lot of it is intrinsic and natural. Things like being "grumpy" in old age comes with changes in the brain.

Yes we all are responsible for our actions and meaningful social interactions are important to mental health, but too often we do things for others when we should be looking to our own well-being first. And there is nothing wrong with being a so-called introvert.

[bikebloke]

37. Not in previous times.

Back when I lived on a kibbutz in Israel, it was hyper-social. And the happiest time in my life. Sort of like that when traveling and staying at hostels or with friends. But now, I'm quite content with solitude.

[Baitball Blogger]

42. I'm ambidextrous when it comes to these things.

If there is something there that drives my interest or curiosity, I am very extroverted.

But if I expect to find small minds, or hostile environments, if I don't avoid the occasion entirely I tend to shut down and just listen. Maybe I'll nod a lot, but always looking around the room for signs of friendly glances.

Oddly, I never find them. But it's still a learning experience. I'm always listening to the things people tend to say at these events.

Sadly, it generally confirms my negative opinion of them. I have to jot down the words, because I would never come up with them on my own.

[smirkymonkey]

64. Yes, I know what you mean. The only meaningful conversation I had was with another

person who was a Trump hater (This was Burlington, VT, so there were plenty of them), I found the conversation very easy. Yet, small talk makes me miserable and want to retreat.

Also, my sister-in-law doesn't like me because she is a right-wing, very narrow minded, uptight b***h and my brother has a soft spot for me so she pretty much has bad-mouthed me to all her "friends" up there. I knew I was going into hostile territory. The men were very nice to me, but the women were not at all.

[Baitball Blogger]

67. Yup. Politics has strained many families.

And I never realized how conservative our social circles were until I found myself finding excuses to avoid social events. If I found someone who is as progressive as I am, we have to whisper conversations, quickly and move on. One person I know made a joke of it, as if he knew we were being watched, "So who voted for Trump!" He's one of those witty types that everyone laughs at, no matter what he says. But it had the effect of shutting down our conversation.

I hate small talk because it puts me in auto and sometimes I find myself repeating phrases that I don't even believe. Just the kind of things that I know they expect to hear.

Took me a while to realize that it was a culture that required far too much compromise on my side to be of any spiritual value.

[nancy1942]

44. I agree with you.

I feel entirely the same. I loathe having to be around people. Visiting overnight is out of the question.

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

47. I don't have a lot of relatives so it doesn't happen very often,

but in general I'd rather not stay in anyone else's home because it then seems like I'm expected to socialize with the hosts all the time - and there are times when I don't want to socialize with anybody, no matter how much I might like them. So I'd prefer to stay in a hotel where I can relax and be by myself for a bit. Most of the time I'm pretty happy just living in my own head.

[smirkymonkey]

66. In some ways, I wish I didn't. I am the only single member of the family so I go

to spend every holiday with one of my married siblings and their family and my parents. If I had the money, I would stay in a hotel, but my family is a big believer in "togetherness" which is a concept that I do not get.

I need my space, a lot. I just wish I could get them to understand that.

[Falcata]

48. Yes!!!!!

[Still In Wisconsin]

51. I'm an extreme extrovert and I don't like staying at other people's houses at all.

I get it.

[Raven]

52. Sleep in my own bed and get up to pee in the middle of the night...that's

all I ask.

[True Dough]

72. You could stay at our place and feel free to get up to pee in the middle of the night

just as long as you don't pee in the big potted house plant!

[SWBTATTReg]

53. Nothing like 'Home, Sweet Home!' When I went out of town, I couldn't wait to get back home!!

[malthaussen]

55. Pretty common.

I'm always uncomfortable sleeping in another bed than my own. Except under certain well-defined circumstances.

-- Mal

[Bradshaw3]

58. I think aging also plays a role

As we get older our brains change and that affects our social interactions. We also start to realize that time is important and we don't want to spend as much of it doing things that we really don't want to do.

Also I've been hosue sitting for a friend, so they are gone while I'm there but I still feel uncomfortable eating their food, using the washer-dryer, etc. even though they tell me over and over it's ok to do so. Just feels wierd.

[3catwoman3]

69. What an interesting thread.

I am an introvert all the way. I have often wished I weren't, but I am, and that's that.

My idea of pure torture is having to go to a social event where I know only my husband. He is much more outgoing than I am, and has no problem wading in a group of "strangers" and introducing himself. I would happily stand against the wall the whole night and watch.

In my job as a pediatric nurse practitioner, I talk to people ALL DAY LONG. Some of the families I know well, some only a little, and I often meet families for the first time. Unlike a social situation, this does not intimidate me, because I know what is expected of me - help figure out what is going on with a child. Most of my co-workers eat lunch together, in our very small break room. I "hide out" in a larger room where my physician colleagues and I do our computer charting. I need some quiet alone time at the end of the morning before starting the afternoon. When I get home from work in the evening, my husband know that I usually like to disappear upstairs for about half an hour to decompress. I'm good at what I do, but it is exhausting.

I was just at my high school 50th reunion. A person I now refer to as a former friend (she doesn't know her status has changed) was on my list of people to avoid - she is a bible-thumping Trump supporter, who is all over FaceBook slinging around the word "libtard." I sure as hell didn't want to sit at her table all night. I buddied up with a classmate with whom I knew I would still have things in common - we traveled in the same band/science/honor roll/college bound circle. We were both pretty quiet but, nonetheless, reasonably well known.

We had a great time. After all the formalities were over, there was a DJ. Everyone was just sitting around. After a few minutes, I said to my classmate, "Okay, let's get up and dance." The 2 of us did, and, very shortly, several people joined us - mostly women. We danced for over an hour.

Afterwards, the two of laughed at ourselves in delight and a certain pride. While in high school, no one would have expected either of us to "get the party started."

[smirkymonkey]

70. I know how you feel. I have spent my life trying to be an extrovert at my own expense

and have finally gotten to a point where I know I am introverted and I can own it.

I am glad you had a great time at your reunion! It's all about finding our tribe and connecting with them! That is wonderful that you had such a lovely night!

[Claritie Pixie]

73. I have to mentally prepare myself beforehand.

My job requires that I sometimes travel and have to network, have dinners, etc.

For 3-4 days when I'm out there's barely a chance to catch my breath. I enjoy it at the time but it's exhausting. I simply must be alone to recharge.

Before I go, I tell myself I'll have fun and the trip will be a success, and that it's a temporary situation and I can handle it. I find the self-talk helps a lot.