Let's call this Jokeday - I'll start off

[packman]

Never iron a four-leaf clover.
You don't want to press your luck

[snowybirdie]

1. Donald Trump

Is President of the United States!

[jpak]

2. Susan Collins is "concerned"

[Initech]

4. That's more of a horror flick than a comedy!

[Initech]

3. Did you hear the one about the guy who said...

"Hey son if you don't quit masturbating you're gonna go blind?" and he says "Hey dad I'm over here!"

[Martin Eden]

5. Old Fart Football

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'
The old man replied, 'its fart football.'
A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says, 'Touchdown, tie score...'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says,
'Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says,
'Touchdown, tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,
'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14.' Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.
Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and accidentally @#!*% in the bed.

The wife says, 'What the @#!*% was that?'

The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides