I NEED TOILET PAPER SO BAD.

[LuckyCharms]

[Thomas Hurt]

1. Think you going to have jury rig yourself a bidet...people have gone over the edge.

[dchill]

2. Can't you re-use?

[matt819]

3. I have a few extra rolls

I’ll sell it to you for 1.50 per roll. Shipping will be $5,000. Message me with your details. Haha haha.

[mucifer]

4. borrow 2 roles from a friend. There should be more stocked by the time you need more

[htuttle]

5. All you need, is a bottled water bottle, and a pen.

https://thinkthink.wordpress.com/2012/02/17/diy-personal-bidet/




You can obviously scale that up as needed.

?itok=eWjYVtOH

[LuckyCharms]

8. Is that to clean the shit off my hand

because I have no toilet paper?

[htuttle]

14. um, sort of

You can direct the water up there, but of course, sometimes kinetic force is needed.

Like 1/2 of the world already does this. No reason to be embarrassed.

Traditionally, you should do all this with your LEFT hand, since most (used to) shake hands with the right.

[htuttle]

15. You already wash your hands after you go, DON'T YOU?

So no big deal.

[customerserviceguy]

17. With friends like you

who needs enemas?

[PoliticAverse]

6. Sorry, I don't have a square to spare. n/t

[defacto7]

7. Somebody in another thread was using a corndog.

also chicken nuggets but I don't know how that worked out.

[47of74]

9. chicky nuggies!

[lunasun]

13. Hey Corndog ass..I already like the nickname ☹️

[47of74]

10. You can also use leaves as TP

https://www.hipcamp.com/journal/camping/forget-toilet-paper-here-are-5-leaves-you-can-use-in-a-pinch/

[lunasun]

11. Sorry not a square to spare these days

https://m.

[trixie2]

12. I went for my regular shop and had no idea the country went crazy.

I tend to go early in the am as to just run through. The parking lot was packed and workers said when they got to the store at 6:30 am for a 7 am opening people were already crowded against the doors.

Toilet paper was gone BUT tissues were fully stocked. I also noticed the crappiest cans of veggies were completely cleaned out.

[lastlib]

16. Remember the *really old* TV show, "Branded"? (starring Chuck Connors, IIRC)

Back when it was on, someone re-wrote the theme-song lyrics; that re-write is SO apt today, with all the tRump-paper hoarding. The revised lyrics:

"Stranded--sittin' on the bathroom bowl,
What do you do when you're stranded,
And you don't have a roll?

Wherever you go for the rest of your life,
You must CARry a ROLLlll.....!"

(There--I've taught you how to fish; the rest is up to you! )

[Liberty Belle]

18. Can you find kleenex or baby wipes instead?

[Roland99]

32. Not good on plumbing

[Dan]

19. Old fashioned southern recipe (humor)

1. Use corncob
2. Eat corn first not afterwards.

[Cirque du So-What]

22. Also

Start with a red corn cob, followed by a white one, which will let you know if another red one is needed.

[Harker]

20. Were there rolling papers in your stash box?

[elleng]

21. Works for MANY, throughout the world:

https://bootymint.com/blogs/blog/how-to-use-a-lota-the-secret-to-islamic-hygiene

[Cirque du So-What]

23. Got mismatched socks?

[Squinch]

24. I have a lot, but I'm not going to give you any. I have formed it into a mountain and I am

sitting on it with my AR-14 over my knees.

Go ahead. Make my day.

[mysteryowl]

25. Has anyone ever heard of a wash cloth?

[dewsgirl]

26. We have found ourselves in this situation, my DIL all week

we'll just get it at the commissary, that didn't work out. Fortunately we are checking in on my son's friends house while he is in Kuwait. Yesterday we drove 45 minutes to get the 6 rolls of toilet paper.

[GreenPartyVoter]

27. Get a small covered bucket, jugs of white vinegar, and cut up some old tee shirts. After using a rag

put it in the vinegar-filled bucket and replace the lid. Plan on doing frequent loads of laundry, hot water to sanitize. (There’s a reason why they invented disposable diapers, but I am old enough to remember life without them.)

[underpants]

28. They have plenty at Hardee's

You just have to pick the lock or dedicate some serious time.

[Shermann]

31. The problem there is the positive feedback loop

Stay away from their burritos at a time like this.

[Renew Deal]

30. Hold it in

[eppur_se_muova]

33. Sling a rope between two trees at butt-crack height. Straddle and run.

Heard this from someone who lived through postwar shortages in Japan.

[Ron Obvious]

34. I just use our poodle, Reginald

Although he's been avoiding me lately for some reason.

[Pathwalker]

35. Cut up an old sheet into squares or strips. When done,

put in a plastic bag as they pile up. Dispose of bag responsibly.

[KY_EnviroGuy]

36. You've got to stop using it for rolling....

or is your makeup running?........

[Marthe48]

37. You could use a dollar

but God help you if you only have change

[Marthe48]

38. corn cobs and catalogs

I spent a couple weeks in Canada when I was a kid. We were waiting at a boat landing and I used the outhouse. Inside there was a small box labeled EMERGENCIES. I looked inside and saw 3 corncobs, red, white red. I asked my dad what the heck it meant. he laughed, and said it was in case there was no t.p. I said Why the different colors? He laughed some more and said use the red, then check with the white, and if you need to, use the other red. He and the boat owner laughed and laughed. My grandmother was scandalized, but also trying not to laugh.

I heard that my mother-in-law would cut up old Sears catalogs for use in the outhouse.