Trouble finding toilet paper? Difficult for you to self-isolate? I have a solution.

[LuckyCharms]

1) Cook up some big juicy burritos. About a dozen of them. Sit down and eat them all.

2) Wait about 12 hours (wait time may vary).

3) Shit your pants.

4) Go to your favorite grocery store.

5) Go to the toilet paper aisle and stand there looking at the empty shelves.

6) Stand there as long as it takes.

I PERSONALLY GUARANTEE YOU that someone in the store will slide a huge package of toilet paper to you. They will either give up their own package, or they will find a package somewhere. They will stand far away from you and slide it down the aisle to you, like they are bowling.

Also, no one will approach you, so you won't have to worry about someone getting too close. I GUARANTEE IT.

[evertonfc]

1. no shortage in rural areas

[LuckyCharms]

2. I don't know. My "rural area" might be a little short.

[lastlib]

3. Ah, the Ted Nugent Solution!

Oughta work!

[Midnight Writer]

4. If you have the tortillas to make burritos, why would you need toilet paper?

[Major Nikon]

5. I don't understand what the big deal is

Do people not know how to use a garden hose?