I just wrote my Congressperson for clarification on social distancing rules.

[LuckyCharms]

My questions were as follows:

1) Is it ok to masturbate as long as you don't call out someone else's name?

2) Is it ok to have sex with another person if you wear 26 condoms and during the act, you diligently take their temperature with a rectal thermometer while wearing a glove on the hand that is holding the thermometer?

[leftieNanner]

1. LOL

As long as you hold your breath the whole time.

Thanks for the laugh! I needed it.

[Sneederbunk]

2. You may not have the virus, but you have something.

[PJMcK]

3. Your illness is clearly not physical

(wink)

[jmowreader]

4. The answers

1) Yes, that is fine.

2) Because social distancing requires each of us to maintain a minimum six-foot separation, until the pandemic is over you may only have sex with other people if you have a seven-foot penis.

[SCantiGOP]

5. I have an email selling pills that guarantee that

If you would like me to forward it to you just send me your bank account number and Mother's maiden name.