Is it normal to never get replies on dating sites?

[Rizen]

Lately I've been trying to start conversations on a dating site but can't get anyone to talk to me. I'm autistic and don't know what I'm doing wrong. I'll send messages like:"Hi,
How are you? I hope you're having a good day. I really like getting out in nature too. It's always fun to see wildlife and I've gotten some great pictures. Because the coronavirus I'm not currently going on dates but would like to talk via messages if you're interested. "
Is that bad? I've been trying online dating for over a year and a half and haven't even gotten into a conversation. I'm feeling really hopeless.

[SheltieLover]

1. I think your message is really nice!

Could be that the people you are messaging are gold diggers who are not interested in nature walks. So many people on dating sites are so disingenuous. Sorry you are having this problem.

[jberryhill]

2. I wouldn't know, but I believe many of these sites are simply scams

I believe that because of a perceived higher interest in online dating by men than women, that many dating sites simply use fake profiles or indications of interest in order to scam customers into paying for higher tiers of service.

It strikes me that if these sites were at all successful, then they’d be somewhat self-limiting because of that success. For example, if people on a dating site kept falling in love and developing long term exclusive relationships, then they would constantly be losing customers.

So, it’s not actually in their commercial interest for that to happen.

There’s one site that advertises how successful they are at matching up couples. But then, at any given time, how many customers are they losing, such that they have to keep attracting new customers? Like, is there someone who is going to say, “I’ve been using this site to find my true love for the last five years, and I’m very happy with the service.”

As an experiment, look at this from the perspective of someone who is only interested in making money - which is truly all they want. How would you keep people paying, while avoiding them actually finding a relationship. Then, compare the result of that thought experiment to what you are experiencing.

https://www.ftc.gov/news-events/press-releases/2019/09/ftc-sues-owner-online-dating-service-matchcom-using-fake-love

The Federal Trade Commission sued online dating service Match Group, Inc. (Match), the owner of Match.com, Tinder, OKCupid, PlentyOfFish, and other dating sites, alleging that the company used fake love interest advertisements to trick hundreds of thousands of consumers into purchasing paid subscriptions on Match.com.

——

More at the link. I don’t think they woke up the next morning and said, “Gee, let’s be honest from now on.”

[TomVilmer]

14. Yup. A friend of mine was tricked that way...

Paid a lot of money to keep chatting with his one and only love. Took him a year to figure out she did not exist and it was all a scam. So be careful out there - but keep seeking!

[mr_lebowski]

3. Maybe try 'I'm not really looking for dates here just hoping to meet some interesting people to chat

to pass the time while we're all stuck inside so if you feel like talking whenever, message me back'.

You have to be really delicate about what you say on dating sites up front ... People are very vigilant about anyone who comes off as remotely ... 'odd'? People suspect everyone else of maybe being some weird person until they get to know them so you have to start out REALLY innocuous.

If you use the words 'if you're interested', some will take that to mean 'romantically interested', despite the rest of what you said. They may not want to 'give you that idea', and not respond.

Another bit of advice is to have a couple friends or family of the opposite sex review your profile and take their critiques in stride and give any suggested changes serious consideration ...

Good luck out there.

Also ... what jberryhill said ... ^^^

[LuckyCharms]

6. Would you review my profile?

Man need woman very bad.
Man smell good sometimes.
OK if woman smell not so good, if only happen sometimes.
Man has sores, but they are easy to ignore if you squint.
Man must see naked picture of woman before making decision.
Side view pictures will be rejected.
Hobbies: none
Interests: I'll show you if we meet. They are inside my garage.
Man has average home, no rodents this month.
Ignore blood stains.
Nice to meet me. My pleasure would be to meet you.

[Grasswire2]

7. hahahahaha! brilliant. nt

[mr_lebowski]

8. Well, to be frank with you LC ... I would maybe ... not mention the blood stains part.

Other than that looks like a winner, assuming you're interested in attracting a rather ... let's say 'offbeat' ... sort of partner.

Which I would assume to be the case, based on what I know of you

[jberryhill]

10. Send me the side views

I’ll have a look at them.

[blm]

4. I can't weigh in on dating sites since I've never done that, but,

wanted to wish you well. I grew up with 7 sisters, so, I’m practically a professional sister, and in that sisterly spirit I would advise to stay kind and true to yourself and others. Eventually, the person who values that will come into your life.

[Aristus]

5. I think the recommendation to state up front that all you want to do is chat and socialize

is a good one.

And there are plenty of genuine sites for that.

Hang in there...

[Salviati]

9. Yes, it's generally pretty normal.

It's kind of a hard line to ride, on the one hand you don't want to get too invested in any particular message you send, on the other hand, if you just send out a generic message (or one that seems generic) you're going to make an already low response rate even lower.

My suggestion is that if you see someone you'd like to chat with, 1) ask them a question about something on their profile that piqued your interest, something that it seems like thy'd like to talk about. 2) reveal something about yourself not in your own profile that it seems they might be interested to know about you and that will hopefully 3) give them something to ask you about in return.

And be prepared to send a good number of messages into the void, but making sure that it's clear that what you sent is an individual message will likely help. I've found that focusing on those three things above can help me make a message that is personal, but keep me from putting too much into any one message. And above all, if you are feeling discouraged for a bit, then consciously take a break for a few days/week/month, whatever it takes, do other things you enjoy until you're feeling ready to get back at it.

(Also, as mentioned above, be wary of fake ads. Ones that don't have a lot of info filled in, or that are very generic. A real ad is going to have some rough edges just like a real person. They're what make us interesting.)

[Rizen]

18. Thanks, that's good advice.

[qazplm135]

11. Men and women have different problems on dating sites

Women get flooded with messages, often inappropriate.
Just about every woman gets a lot of messages daily.


Men have to send out 100 messages to get a handful of responses.

Just keep plugging away and you'll get responses if you are respectful. Say hello, compliment something about their profile you like (I see we are both into....), and sooner or later you will get a response.

[UTUSN]

12. From my experience on DU, I would say yes, but w/o reference to dating!1

[Niagara]

13. Try the app Hiki

Last edited Sun Apr 19, 2020, 02:29 PM - Edit history (1)

It's a dating app designed for autistic people. I found it in a Newsweek article and I can't exactly link it while on my phone.


Best of luck!





Adding link: link:https://www.newsweek.com/new-dating-app-helping-people-autistic-spectrum-find-love-1449552

[dawg]

15. If you're male, that's pretty normal.

Don't let it discourage you.

[TexasBushwhacker]

16. I am female and have used dating sites

1. I never replied to someone that didn't post a good picture of their FACE. No picture, no reply.

2. Personally, I'm just not interested in communicating with folks I don't know right now. I haven't logged into a fating site in months.

[Rizen]

17. Thanks for the helpful replies everyone.

I wish dating sites had this many replies.