I've made a huge, life changing decision today.

[LuckyCharms]

I'm almost 62, with several health problems. In an effort to try to take better care of myself, I quit drinking and smoking cigarettes almost 8 years ago. I have tried to eat better. I don't get enough regular formal exercise, but I do work very hard, and I keep very active. I am able to walk 5-6 miles at a decent pace without too many problems. I do smoke weed once in awhile, but that's about it.

I have been recently telling myself that if I have the good fortune to make it to age 80, I will start smoking again (non-filtered Lucky Strikes), start drinking whiskey everyday, walk around naked in public because I won't give a shit anymore, and try to pick up those Cougar women (age 90-104) by using cheesy pick-up lines. Oh, also, I will try to start fistfights with people who are younger than me, and in much better shape.

Considering what is happening with COVID-19, I have readjusted my "80 years old" goals.

I will start doing the above things today, immediately.

Thank you.

[In_The_Wind]

1. Good luck on everything going smoothly.

[LuckyCharms]

2. Thank you so much.

Just got punched in the eye, but hopefully, that was just a bad start.

[In_The_Wind]

3. Some of the things on your list are very interesting.

Personally, leave off the Lucky Strikes. Most Cougars don't care for the smell.

[LuckyCharms]

5. I'll cover up the smell by dumping full bottles of Hai Karate on me.

[EarnestPutz]

10. I have half a bottle of "British Sterling" if you need it.

[LuckyCharms]

19. Yes please, that's a great whiskey.

[In_The_Wind]

22. Smoke a joint instead.

[Glorfindel]

28. I have a small bottle of Jade East you can have if needed.

[Turbineguy]

4. Some excellent ideas

I'd like to see some long term data. Like what results in more personal satisfaction, the Lucky Strikes or the beatings, for example.

[LuckyCharms]

6. They will be equally satisfying because...

I plan on always having a lit Lucky Strike dangling from my lips while provoking some young punk.

[Turbineguy]

7. Ah yes,

the Robert Mitchum look.

Very intimidating.

[LuckyCharms]

11. I need to have the cig in my mouth to look intimidating.

Because I'll also be naked, and I don't look very intimidating when naked.

[Turbineguy]

14. In that case, I recommend

a penis extension that's longer than most people arms.


I knew we'd get there eventually.

[LuckyCharms]

16. I already tried that, it didn't work because

my penis is so small that the extension kept falling off.

[Turbineguy]

18. Flex seal to the rescue!

[LuckyCharms]

20. I tried that too. Put a little too much on.

Couldn't pee. Had to go get emergency catheter.

Got scolded by the ER staff.

[Turbineguy]

21. OK

Let's try another approach:

How about putting horseshoes in the boxing gloves?

[yonder]

23. Yay for the Flex Seal.

[a kennedy]

24. Ok, this just broke me up.......

[FirstLight]

8. I am in full support of this attitude adjustment!

I haven't quit anything ...I just hit 50 and I still have a smoke after dinner and like my beer...

But I always though as an old lady I'd have fun by pinching young men's buts in the store and giggling as I hobble away. Social distancing makes that goal impossible right now....


But I also like the idea of starting fights with a lucky strike hanging from one's lips!

[LuckyCharms]

12. We should start a movement!

The "smoke a Lucky and even up some young punk" movement!

[FirstLight]

15. I'm IN

...those damn youngin's think they know it all!

[LuckyCharms]

17. PUNKS! THEY'RE ALL PUNKS!

[unblock]

9. That's not life changing.

Get a job at Quaker Oats as chief product manager and say, hey, i've decided to get rid of artificial coloring in that cereal that Mikey likes.

*that* would be life changing.

[LuckyCharms]

13. Is Mikey still alive?

If so, he's probably the right age for me to beat up while smoking a Lucky...naked.

[jmowreader]

31. He's 52 years old, and most definitely alive

https://www.newsday.com/sports/media/john-gilchrist-who-played-mikey-in-life-cereal-commercial-still-likes-it-after-all-these-years-1.4253447

He works at Madison Square Garden as Director of Media Sales.

[LuckyCharms]

32. I won't start anything with him. He would kick my ass.

[lindysalsagal]

25. You might also consider betting on celebrity gossip?

Since the sports teams can't offer quicker ways of parting your money from you.

[OriginalGeek]

26. I fully support doing stuff naked

I wish I wasn't too chicken. Maybe after I retire. I'll need that full 401k for bail money.

[Buckeye_Democrat]

27. Lol!

[KY_EnviroGuy]

29. Could we get you to do all that stuff in an evangelical church meeting...

say, during Easter Sunday service somewhere in the deep South? The ladies in the choir would love it and be all over you.

We would however, need videos for verification.......

[Major Nikon]

30. I've always thought there should be an age where clothes are optional

[jimlup]

33. You may be in luck starting tobacco smoking again...

it seems that nicotine has a negative affect on the virus.

Me, I quit 39 years ago. Not going back ... I'm 62 and in good shape. I regularly bike 10-20 miles 3 times a week and more on weekends. I am however concerned about this damn virus and will try like hell not to be exposed to it.

Hoping for a vaccine next year.

[csziggy]

34. So, it this your new theme song?

[Skittles]

35. "If I had known I would live this long I would have taken better care of myself"

[Corgigal]

36. Are you watching

the TV show, better call Saul? Because this scene just played, 2 weeks, or so ago? Just wondering if you wanna be like Mike?