I have a close relative with dementia...

[Archae]

And being cooped up in her room at the assisted living facility, this isn't helping her condition.

She called me at 7 pm tonight, asking me why I had called her so early in the morning.
She wasn't angry, but I carefully explained to her really what time it was, and that I hadn't called her, and then she got upset, she didn't like being so dead wrong.
I was able to calm her down, even gave her a few chuckles, but I'm still concerned.

Her Mother died in the advanced stages of dementia, not even knowing her own children, or where she was.

This whole evening has me bothered.

And there is not a damn thing I can do for her.

[Maeve]

1. Reminds me so much of my Grandma

We can only do what we can do...and it breaks the heart

[Archae]

3. I know, I can't visit her or deliver anything for her she'd like, the facility is locked down.

Damn coronavirus.

And my relative and I are very close.

It just (ah damn, now I'm crying,) bothers me so much I want so badly to help, but there isn't anything I can do.

[Maeve]

7. You did what you could

Don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good--that way lies madness.
And I know--nothing we say makes it better.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. I beg to differ, my dear Archae...

You said it yourself: that you were able to calm her down and gave her a few chuckles.

And you answered her call!

You did all this for her. I don't see that as nothing.

Not much can be done, but you did what you could and the moment passed.

[Archae]

6. Thanks so much Peggy, you always have a way with words.

I just wish my relative an I could at least connect via Skype or whatnot.

At least then we'd see each other as we talk.

[Phoenix61]

4. My Mom had Alzheimer's

Sometimes it was easier to go along with what she said.

[MLAA]

5. Sending 💕💕💕💕💕to you and your family

[Skittles]

8. when I watched The Pacific on DVD

there were interviews at the end with relatives of those who had served....... one had died decades later of Alzheimer's and they said at the end, he didn't know his kids but he never forgot the horrors of being in the Pacific during WWII..........it struck me then how cruel a disease it really is

[LeftInTX]

9. I'm a precinct chair and during the primary I stopped at a house that wasn't on my list

I stopped because there was a sign for a Democratic candidate in their yard.

The couple seemed really confused. I was going to give them a phone number to call for a ride to the polls. The woman went to the back of the house. The nurse spoke to me and said, "Leave...they can't vote...they have severe Alzheimers" I asked, "But she was going to get a pen". The nurse said, "She won't remember that you were here". So I left. (I had already spent a good 15 minutes at the house and my phone battery was dying)

The HOA president had hosted the candidate and I assume the candidate knocked on their door and they just said, "OK". (Without even knowing anything about the candidate)

The couple knew nothing about the sign and when I said, "I saw your sign for so and so", they had no idea what I was talking about. But the woman said, "There's an election?" So one thing lead to another and pretty soon she wanted a ride to the polls......

But it was sad that she would not even remember that I was there. I think the poor nurse was also overwhelmed by the disruption that I was causing in their schedule. I think trying to engage in further conversation with the woman would have only led to more confusion.

[Archae]

10. There just isn't enough research being done on dementia and Alzheimer's.

And it doesn't strike only the elderly.

Another of my close relatives got Alzheimer's when she was less than 40.

That one is close to being just a vegetable.

The scariest part? It could effect me as well.

[LeftInTX]

12. Scary and sad.....

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

11. Thank you for that story.

I know a woman who was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's at age 50, about five or six years ago. For a while it was manageable, and we (she, I, another couple of friends) would go out to eat and socialize. It clearly did her good, and it was equally clear that the progression was steady. I found myself letting the server at the restaurant know the woman had early onset Alzheimer's so they'd have a clue as to why she was confused about things. Restaurant servers are wonderful.

Anyway, she needed to go into a care place a couple of years ago now, and I gather she really doesn't understand much of what's going on around her.

Dementia is cruel in the way it robs people of themselves.

[Archae]

13. Exactly, and this may sound a little cruel...

But at times like this I wish she would die soon, so she doesn't get any worse.

I see one close relative, nearly a vegetable, and my other close relative who now just doesn't know what day or time it is.

I wouldn't wish any of this even on Donald Trump.

[3catwoman3]

15. That doesn't sound cruel at all.

When the spark of the soul is gone, and only the body lingers on, that is existing, not living.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

16. No, it is not cruel.

It is simply no way for a human to live. Not to mention what it's like for the relatives and anyone who cares about that person.

[MissB]

17. I was ever so grateful

that my father died of prostate cancer rather than Alzheimer’s. They stopped treating the cancer and just let nature take its course.

A few months before he died he was sent to the locked portion of the care facility because he was sundowning in a big way each afternoon - occasionally violently. In the mornings he was paranoid, begging to be let out of the facility. It was utterly heartbreaking.

He went downhill quickly.

[sdfernando]

14. So sorry

Wish there was something I could do.

[lettucebe]

18. My mother has advanced Alzheimer's

From what I've read I'd never tell her she's wrong. It's just too upsetting and reasoning is one of the first thing that goes.
I'd just say, "Oh, I'm sorry!" and move on talking about something else. It's just easier for you to adjust and let things go than it would be for her.