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Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsTeleconferencing Pastor Requests Any Worshipper Currently Speaking In Tongues Go On Mute
DEPEW, OKIn an effort to reduce disruptions during a prayer meeting held by teleconference Tuesday, Pastor Terry McEvers of the First Pentecostal Church of God reportedly asked that any congregants presently speaking in tongues place themselves on mute for the duration of the service.
Though it is only natural for the Holy Spirit to overwhelm us as we gather in praise, we have quite a lot of Gods children on the line this morning, so I need those of you crying out in the heavenly language to turn off your devices microphone, said McEvers, gently reminding worshippers that while the Lord had blessed them with the latest technologies for allowing His flock to gather in His name, the platform had its limitations and simply could not handle the ecstatic, rapid-fire vocalizations of everyone on the call simultaneously.
If we all fall to the floor and unleash our miraculous gift of tongues at the same time, then everyone will just be shouting their divinely inspired strings of syllables over everyone else, and no one will understand whats going on. A big garbled mess like that wont do anybody any good.
According to sources, the pastor went on to request that members enable video on their devices if they intended to take up serpents, because thats something no one ever gets tired of watching.
https://local.theonion.com/teleconferencing-pastor-requests-any-worshipper-current-1843129229
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Teleconferencing Pastor Requests Any Worshipper Currently Speaking In Tongues Go On Mute (Original Post)
Zorro
Apr 2020
OP
Now The Onion is plausible stories and the real news is whacked!
Aristus
(66,309 posts)2. I swear I thought this was real!
It wouldn't have surprised me.
Linguists determined a long time ago that 'speaking in tongues', what believers to be divine speech, is just random syllables that don't fall along the lines of recognizable syntax.
Just a bunch of looney-toons who bought into a used, shopworn religious sect...
jmowreader
(50,549 posts)3. I see the Onion has had cutbacks in recent months
It appears theyve changed from satirical news to the AP feed.