Man Not Sure He Can Take Another 6 Weeks Of Barely Following CDC Guidelines

[smirkymonkey]

ST. LOUIS—Following more than a month of halfhearted adherence to guidelines put in place to combat Covid-19, local man Luke Bradley confirmed Friday that he was unsure if he could take another six weeks of barely adopting practices recommended by the Centers for Disease Control.

“I honestly don’t know how much longer I can keep running cold water over my hands for a few seconds every time I’ve been in a public space,” said Bradley, who explained that the changes he had made to his personal routines, such as reducing his trips to the corner store for snacks and beverages to twice a day, had begun to take a heavy toll on his mental health.

“I’m about to hit my breaking point, especially with social distancing. It’s so depressing when you can only hang out with a few different groups of friends on a Friday night instead of going to a club or a big house party. Oh, and God help you if you post pictures of yourself on social media with your arms around a bunch of your pals, because you’ll get attacked for being ‘part of the problem.’ Seriously, how long can a person stay home from work every time he experiences a fever and prolonged coughing fits before he completely loses it?”

Bradley went on to bemoan the fact that he wasn’t even allowed to see his grandmother, adding that if the 87-year-old woman could survive diabetes, lupus, and the loss of half a lung to cancer, she ought to be able to survive a visit from a loved one.

https://local.theonion.com/man-not-sure-he-can-take-another-6-weeks-of-barely-foll-1843201749

[onecaliberal]

1. He should join the military then.

[Gothmog]

2. I love the onion

[Skittles]

3. funny, but sad

I mean, people really are fragile, aren't they? But then I see that every time change, with so many people in agony because time changed for oh my gawd, ONE FUCKING HOUR

[Karadeniz]

4. I figured it was Onion...thanks!!