Are there any computer experts here?

[LuckyCharms]

I'm sorry for the dumb question, but I'm not real good with technology.

My monitor just burst into huge flames that are shooting up to the ceiling, just after a few gallons of a blue "pulp-like" substance started leaking from it.

Right before that, these sharp little metal things shaped like fish hooks started flying out of my DVD drive and embedded themselves in the opposite wall.

I'm not sure if it matters, but I'm running Windows 10 and use Google Chrome for my browser.

Thanks.

[mr_lebowski]

1. That's just what happens when your virus protection isn't up to date ...

At this point all you can do is just take what remains of the system out back, douse it in gasoline, toss a match on it, and hope it didn't contaminate your whole house.

Otherwise when you get a new computer the same thing is just going to happen again.

In fact, you probably need to move, quite honestly.

[LuckyCharms]

3. Thank you, but I would hate to move...

I've become quite close with the cockroaches...they're kind of my best friends.

[mr_lebowski]

5. I hear ya, but I don't make the rules, ya know? (nt)

[LuckyCharms]

6. I know.

The cockroaches make the rules.

[mr_lebowski]

8. Could always round 'em up and take 'em with, you know? (nt)

[LuckyCharms]

10. True.

I carry them around in my pants pockets anyway.

[Jamastiene]

2. That's it.

You have to use Edge with Windows 10 or you'll get brain fried nuclear poltergeists with a hell of a vendetta.

To them, it is not V for vendetta. It's for vendetta.

Use Edge or fool Windows 10 to quit watching so close.

I know that is hard though.

The other day, Cortana told me to stop that, right out of the blue. How did she even know I was doing that? I put a sticker over my camera long ago when she made rude comments about my sleeping habits. There must be another camera I missed. Cortana used to tie me up sometimes. She would leave me that way for days. It was never pretty. I hope she doesn't start back doing that. She is not a very attentive dominatrix. There are no safe words with Cortana. Even begging doesn't work.

As a matter of fact, your problem could be Cortana. You might have pissed her off. She is a cruel mistress.

[LuckyCharms]

4. LMAO!

The first time I saw Cortana when I went to Windows 10, I said "what the hell is this shit"?

[mr_lebowski]

7. That was pretty epic Jama :)

You fit right in on a Lucky thread ... welcome

Gotta admit though, Cortana IS a solid name for a Mistress.

[Historic NY]

9. Sounds like a VIRUS

[LuckyCharms]

12. Thanks. I'll have to look into getting Norton...

[sprinkleeninow]

11. Windows 10 sux majorly I hate the interface

[targetpractice]

13. Get a Mac. n/t

[hunter]

30. Get a Chromebook.

Posted from a Chromebook.

[targetpractice]

34. One of my clients got a Chromebook....

... For her kid to home chool.. She called me because he hated it and asked me how to factory reset it because she wanted to return it to Best Buy. I admit, I don't know about them. But, they seem like a good concept. I was just sad that I couldn't help her enjoy it... My tech support philosophy is to help my clients get joy from their technology.

[hunter]

35. Our local schools give Chromebooks to all students who don't have their own computer...

..or don't want to use their own computers at school. One of our neighboring cities has free home wifi hotspots for students and their families as well. The city accomplished this last year, BEFORE anyone knew a pandemic was coming.

Our local teachers and school IT people love Chromebooks. Switching to Chromebooks made school IT people human again. Solving Windows problems all day long had turned them bad tempered and cynical.

Personally, I'm all out of fucks to give when it comes to helping others -- including friends and family -- fix their fucked up Windows or Apple machines.

My daughter-in-law uses Apple machines but she's a computer genius and graphics artist who uses them in her work and is paid well for that. She runs expensive software on expensive machines. She doesn't require any technical support; she is technical support.

Most everyone else in our family suffers Windows, but that's changing. My sister-in-law is the Chromebook evangelist and she hooked me.

My joy is having a laptop that works perfectly well as a web browser and a word processor, and is easily replaced if I lose or break it. (There's a good selection of Chromebooks from reputable internet sources for $150 or less.)

My misery was having to babysit an expensive Windows laptop when I traveled. I don't do that any more.

My Chromebook runs a long time without recharging as well. The long run time, more than eight hours, is one reason I don't use Linux laptops anymore. Most of my Linux laptops were converted Windows machines and were power hungry even running Linux, with four hour run times or less.

My desktop machine runs Linux. It just works. I've never spent more than $300 on a computer. Generally my computers are diverted from the e-waste bins and cost much less than $300, including upgrades. I'll upgrade the memory and hard drive, install Linux, copy my home directories to the new machine, and I'm good to go.

I also have a Raspberry Pi on my desktop, which is a great little machine for learning about computers.

If I had expensive cameras and was manipulating complex RAW image formats I might be missing Photoshop, but I don't. The only computer games I play are simple and don't require any sophisticated graphics hardware.

The main things I use my desktop machine for are photo and video editing, writing and modifying software, experimenting with software defined radio, and emulating ancient computers like the Atari 800XL. I use my inexpensive Chromebook for nearly everything else.

There's the "evil corporation" aspect of Chromebooks, but that's true of Apple and Windows machines as well. If I cared enough about that I'd build my perfect Linux laptop and connect to the internet through a trustworthy VPN.

[targetpractice]

36. I love this reply, hunter, and I feel you, too...

I've been doing stuff on Macs since 1985... Every cent of my career has been from working on a Mac.

I loved the part of your post where you said you've given up on tech support for your friends and family.

My 80 year old landlady asks for tech support all the time... She has a MacBook Air... So, it's easy to do. But, she recently decided to get a smartphone... I recommended and offered her an iPhone that I had.... She decided to go with a Jitterbug Android phone, and of course... As I predicted that didn't go well... She handed it off to me, and I spent 2 1/2 hours on the phone getting this thing working.

So I get you... There is nothing more infuriating than when I recommend a tech path to someone, and they decide to go another direction and circle back with me to help them when things go wrong

[Worried2020]

14. I think I know what might be causing that . . . .

Your OS is suffering the effects of too much



W

ps: note: - YOUR OS, not ur computer's . . .

[SkatmanRoth]

28. Sounds more like window pane to me.

[Kablooie]

15. I'm afraid you'll have to wait for the vaccine.

But the pulp like substance is great on toast if you are Australian.

[Ptah]

16. Are you sure you're not running window pane?

[safeinOhio]

17. If you can see your toes

it's time to reboot.

[whistler162]

18. As a certified computer technician

well a Network Administrator and not sure if it is certified or certifiable.

I tell my users to turn it off and turn it back on and see if the fixes the issue.

[ProfessorGAC]

19. Happens All The Time

Not seeing what the problem is!

[MicaelS]

20. You forgot that the internet is for Porn.

It gets mad when you do not visit Porn sites.

[csziggy]

22. But you forgot what the internet is made of

[lastlib]

21. From what you described, it's too late now.....but

I think your turbo-encabulator has slipped a marzel-vane, which is causing a sinusoidal lateral inversion vibration, the result of which would be pretty much what you described. That's what happens when you use your turbo-encabulator with Chrome.

Really nothing you can do now but get a whole new system, and be sure to put an optical blivet on the encabulator, and DON'T use Windows or Chrome!

You should've asked me first, dude!

[LuckyCharms]

23. Thank you very much.

I had a funny feeling that it had something to do with the blivet.

[jmowreader]

24. As a computer expert, I can safely say this is not a hardware problem

Your computer is possessed. You're going to need a new one, but before you buy it have a Catholic priest perform an exorcism on the old one.

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! If you just throw away the old computer before having the demons cast out of it, they will move into your new one and, three weeks later, we'll be getting another report of paranormal activity from your electronic devices.

[kairos12]

25. Putin Malware.

[Bantamfancier]

26. PEBCAK. nt

[LAS14]

27. Try here. https://www.democraticunderground.com/?comforum&id1095

[Iggo]

29. Sounds like you need a new monitor.

[hunter]

31. I used to repair CRT computer monitors and DVD drives.

Yes, they were evil.

[lindysalsagal]

32. No.

[lindysalsagal]

33. Itunes Update Refusal Revenge.

Just one more reason to hate itunes.