The DU Lounge
Related: Culture Forums, Support ForumsHeard any good but corny jokes lately?
Q) What kind of bee produces milk?
A) Boo Bees
brush
(53,764 posts)Guy dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the gates and the guy sees this tremendous wall of analog clocks, with hands.
He asks what the clocks are for. St. Peter tells him they are "lie" clocks and everyone has one. Whenever they lie the hands move. St Peter points out Mother Teresa's clock and says the hands have never moved. He also points to George Washington's clock which only moved once.
The guy asks, since we're talking about presidents, where's trump's clock?
St. Peter says, "Oh that one, Jesus keeps it in his office as a ceiling fan."
sl8
(13,720 posts)They fought , 2021
cayugafalls
(5,639 posts)I asked for coffee.
redstatebluegirl
(12,265 posts)The Names Bond
Ionic Bond
Taken, Not Shared
ChazII
(6,204 posts)North Shore Chicago
(3,311 posts)A condescending con descending.
yankeepants
(1,979 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)She'd be Ella Vader.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Practice!
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Nacho cheese
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A mushroom
yankeepants
(1,979 posts)and as soon as I got him home he made a bolt for the door.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)An investigator.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Oh, snap!
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Ten-tickles
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because then it would be a foot.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A) "You're too young to smoke!"
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A) a frisbee
maxrandb
(15,316 posts)she asked; "what can I do to make this dress look sexier?"
I replied; "give it to your sister".
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)(Good one)
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)Just for the halibut
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A buccaneer.
Marthe48
(16,932 posts)went to his class halloween party dressed as a pirate. His teacher greeted him and said, "Where are your buccaneers?"
And Little Johnny says, "Under my buccanhat!"
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because they love them with all their art.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A) To raise some dough
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)The starfish
Harker
(14,010 posts)And it's always here at DU.
Thanks for adding value to my habitually wasting my time, Red.
You're the top!
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A) Well armed.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Too many cheetahs
Wawannabe
(5,641 posts)tRump
Tom Brady
...
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because he was a little shellfish.
Ohiya
(2,228 posts)Because of the sand which is there.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Bellhop
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)because he was always lost at C
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)At the quack of dawn.
Mr.Bill
(24,273 posts)who had a game scheduled with their main rival team on Saturday. This rival team had a fantastic pitcher who would be pitching that day. His name was Mel Famy So the team concocted a plan. They would take Famy out drinking on Friday night, and get him so drunk on beers that he would be hung over for the game.
Well, it worked. His pitching was terrible and he had no control. He walked 12 batters during that game and lost badly. The guys who took him out drinking still say "Those were the beers that made Mel Famy walk us".
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)"Want a piece of me?"
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A receding hare line.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Push him down a mountain.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)then it hit me.
mopinko
(70,071 posts)in there sleevies.
my former FIL was polish. he must have known 1000 polish jokes.
MatthewHatesTrump2
(915 posts)To see a butterfly
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Bison
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)red dog 1
(27,792 posts)In case he got a hole-in-one
eppur_se_muova
(36,257 posts)Sooner or later, the conversation turned to their obvious injuries.
"I lost this foot to a British cannonball", said the first, tapping his wooden leg.
"I lost this hand to a cutlass while boarding a merchantman", said the second, holding up his iron hook.
They drank in silence for a while, until one could no longer resist the temptation to ask, "So what happened to your eye?"
"Oh, that. A seagull pooped on it."
"I wouldn't have thought what would have caused you to lose it."
"Oh, it wouldn't have -- but at the time, I hadn't gotten used to having a hook."
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)"Pop" Corn
Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Last edited Mon Nov 9, 2020, 01:00 AM - Edit history (1)
tblue37
(65,290 posts)I thought that was a wonderfully layered label!
Orrex
(63,199 posts)Oh, wait. That's a cornet joke.
Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Orrex
(63,199 posts)Whoops. That's a coroner joke.
Orrex
(63,199 posts)Her name was Iris.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Push him down a mountain.
friendly_iconoclast
(15,333 posts)A: I don't know, and I don't care...
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Namaste
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)"You're under a vest"
Progressive Jones
(6,011 posts)red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Gummy Bear
LaelthsDaughter
(150 posts)About a week ago my husband tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?" Without missing a beat I replied, 'Single handedly.'"
Not mine, but its very funny!
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Cattle-logs
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because he was good at bacon.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Lawsuits
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because it's pointless.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)(I had to pull a few strings)
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A) He was caught in a viscous cycle.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)"Son, this is gonna' hurt me more than it hurts you"
First Speaker
(4,858 posts)Uncle Ben's Perverted Rice...
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Ground beef
tblue37
(65,290 posts)Mom broke out the pup's favorite treat and crooned to her, "Come to me, my melon collie baby."
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)He knew a shortcut
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because he was on a roll
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Just for the halibut.
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)Because there was a 13-year-old girl walking on the other side.
(Not "corny" but...)
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)A) "I just love Baskin' robins"
red dog 1
(27,792 posts)"You look flushed!"