A pic of the enormous contusion that I got on my left ass cheek and hip

[LuckyCharms]

will certainly not be posted here, because one of you will send me to the jury for being too graphic.

I am however, texting the pic to several people because I'm so proud of it. It's about 7 or 8 inches in diameter, and the color of a beautiful eggplant. Got 3 on my abdomen too, bigger than silver dollars, and a few on my forearms. You don't get to see those either.

You have no idea what you are missing.

I got these bruises yesterday while cleaning underneath my deck with a bleach solution and rolling around on sharp #2 white rocks. I also got bleach in my eye...it managed to get behind my goggles. I was ok after I laid on those rocks for 20 minutes, screaming, as by blue pants and black shirt turned red as the bleach dripped mercilessly on my bruised body while the hose sprayed a cold jet down the back of my pants because I was laying on it, couldn't roll off it, and the nozzle was stuck in the on position.

For those who have not figured it out by now...I'm kinda stupid.

[Kali]

1. ! not stupid,

maybe too much energy for your body to handle, I am sure that is what the ladies say too.

[LuckyCharms]

3. Ladies generally don't speak to me

unless it's an emergency.

[Kali]

6. is that what the kids are calling it these days?

"an emergency"

[RussellCattle]

2. Great opening head line there, Lucky. I'll bet everyone says "oh-oh" as they click on this.

[Harker]

11. I say oh-oh... and/or uh-oh

every time I see his name.

[jpak]

4. At least you are safe from COVID now

[2naSalit]

5. Okay, so...

I'm not gonna ask what the hell you were doing under the porch with bleach because, well, because.

[cayugafalls]

7. You sir, are a master at funny trolls!

You so had me...

[EarnestPutz]

8. Mr. Charms - You're not stupid at all, just human, and as one of my favorite types of human, you...

....have a self-deprecating sense of humor and can share the humor of your life with others. Thanks.

[RestoreAmerica2020]

9. Ay, what a relief! Didn't want to see your nalgas [butt] either--

..

Ps all kidding aside hope you're ok. Paz

[Harker]

10. Wow. You have safety goggles?

I'd love to see any contusions (or any bruises) that result from your being struck by a meteorite, should that occur.

Until such event, I'll settle for the mental imagery.

[csziggy]

12. Only 7 to 8 inches accross? Wuss!

A number of years back I headed out at some time 0'dark to check on a mare due to foal. A low front had gone through and it was raining - but that is just the kind of weather mares love to drop their babies in. She was in the pasture below the house which during the day was great because most of the time I could just walk out onto the deck and spot her. Even at night I could take my spotlight out and look for her.

This night, she was not in sight even with the spot, so I put on my raincoat and carrying the spotlight, I walked out across the deck and started down the steps. I slipped on the top stair and bumped down five or six more steps before I stopped with a stair digging into the hip joint. I screamed loud enough to wake up my husband and he helped me back up the stairs and into the house.

I took a picture of my butt and hip the next day with my new digital camera. There is stripe of black across the hip joint and a large purple-red bruise covering most of my butt. Given the size of my butt, it was way more than 6-8".

A few days later I couldn't take the pain anymore and went to my doctor seeking pharmaceutical relief. He wanted to see the injury so I pulled down my pants. He freaked - sent me straight for X-rays because he was sure I'd broken my hip. Nope, just soft tissue damage, lots of deep, painful soft tissue damage.

The mare didn't foal for days and selected the foggiest morning that spring to drop her foal. His baby name was Foggy because of that.

[Maraya1969]

16. Oh that sounds painful. I got one like that on my right arm, all the way down. I was

riding in a RV and decided to use the bathroom - dumb idea. The driver stopped short as I was trying to leave and I hit the edge of the wall that housed the door straight on. I had never had a bruise like that before.

[csziggy]

19. Ow!

Yeah, mine hurt - when the doctor said I might have broken my hip, I thought it possible. Edges are much worse than a straight on injury. If I'd just fallen on a flat surface, the bruise and pain would have been less. If you'd just hit a wall, you would have been better off.

[Skittles]

13. this is click bait!

I DEMAND TO SEE YOUR PURPLE ASS!

[Aristus]

14. I can't believe I clicked on this.

I know you're a guy, and I clicked anyway.

Distancing sucks!...

[Maraya1969]

15. omg Thank you! I was soo upset with the news over in GD that I came in here. And your post

cracked me up!

You are needed!

[zanana1]

17. I wanted to see it!

[Laffy Kat]

18. Sucks for you. Still, I was disappointed there were no photos.

Feel better.

[lunatica]

20. It's not stupidity

It’s paying a whole bunch of karma all at once. You wouldn’t want for it to last a whole week would you? Sometimes all at once is better.