This might be a heavy topic for the Lounge, but I will ask anyway

[TristanIsolde]

Never hurts to seek other perspectives.

Those of you who made the decision you don't want to rear children, have you regretted it with time ? It is really as lonely and bleak of an existence as people insist it is without a big family ?

Those of you who did , do you regret it ? feeling like some part of you got lost along the way perhaps.

[LisaM]

1. Not really. I love kids. But I am fine without them.

I make a really good aunt and there are.plenty of people in the world.

[niyad]

2. I made that decision when I was a teenager, confirmed it in my early twenties. I have never

regretted it. I heard all the arguments against my decision, the whole "loneliness, nobody to care for you" bs. I used to point out that having children was no guarantee about those things. I have wonderful friends, and I am never lonely.

And now, with this plague, I have many reasons to be grateful for my decision.

Years ago, when I went to my 25th high school reunion, another woman who had also chosen to be child free observed that, in conversations, she had noticed, not just with our classmates, but generally, that those who had made our decision said they never regretted it. Over the years, I have heard many parents say that, if they could do it over, they would make the decision we did.

I don't know if this helps. I hope it does. There is, even to this day, intense pressure to reproduce. I was fortunate to come of age as women began to have real options. I was also blessed (cursed??) with a sharp tongue and a ready "mind your own damned business" response. I never saw the need to be polite to intrusive busybodies.

Whatever choice you make, let it be entirely YOUR choice.

[Doodley]

4. My choice is through self-loathing and the belief I would be a lousy father.

My position hasn't changed.

[TexasBushwhacker]

7. Yeah, I don't think I would have been a good mother

I'm a great aunt though.

[TexasBushwhacker]

9. Yeah, I don't think I would have been a good mother

I'm a great aunt though.

[unblock]

14. Knowing one would make a lousy parent hasn't stopped many from becoming exactly that...

[MLAA]

5. I chose not to have kids 40 years ago

and have not regretted it. I am surprised people are still having kids now given what we know about the grim outlook for our planet.

[Duppers]

24. Yes, grim...

And ppl have no idea how grim but are living as if everything is going to be fine.

I have only one offspring & do not regret having only him. He doesn't want any children, thinks it's a bad idea too.

[Doodley]

28. I would hope to have a child who would make the world a better place.

[csziggy]

6. No, I never liked kids, never wanted any

From six until I left home I watched my aunt get pregnant over and over and over. She had six children and miscarried multiple times. Basically, she was pregnant for the entire time I knew her. She did not have easy pregnancies, got huge early and carried badly, was sick much of the time she was pregnant.

As the in between kid - my two older sisters were old enough to get out of the chore - I was given the task at family gatherings to watch her brood. They were obnoxious brats, probably because their mother was too sick most of the time to take care of them and their father was either working or taking care of her. I'd get in trouble for "letting" them do stuff.

In between the two oldest of her children was my little sister, whose personality prepared me for Trump. I was also supposed to be responsible for her and she actively worked to make my life hell. All in all, my childhood and teenage years pretty much conditioned me to never want children.

I do enjoy time with most of my nieces and nephews and now with their children - as a aunt who has absolutely no responsibility for the really young ones. When my first great nephew was an infant, his mother tried to hand him to me. All I felt was revulsion. I guess my maternal instincts were used up by my horse babies.

[pnwest]

8. Not regret exactly - more like an occasional

bittersweet wistfulness. But then a soon as I start imagining what my life would have been like with children, I remember I made the right decision. So no, never regret, just an occasional pang. I am grateful for the wonderful adventures I have been able to have instead. My life is not empty at all.

[True Dough]

10. I was fortunate to meet a woman who never wanted children

And she became my wife, but she was skeptical that I would remain firmly opposed to having kids as well. Figured I'd change my mind.

Twenty years later, we've never had a second thought about it and not a hint of regret. We know that we're growing older and some day when we're infirm, we'll have no one to help us out except an old-age home. But that is the path we chose.

We do have a much-loved "fur baby," however. He's not the first. We had a couple of dogs prior to him. They're great companions and enough to keep us happy.

[Yavin4]

11. Raising children in the current American culture is an uphill climb.

You need a strong partner and a strong support system. Neither of which are guaranteed. I may have wanted kids, but I don't regret not having them knowing how difficult it would be.

[sarge43]

12. No, I don't regret it.

I never felt any need or drive to have children. Because of this, I'm quite sure I wouldn't have been a good parent.

Having children is no guarantee you won't be alone. They can predecease you or become alienated.

[LakeArenal]

13. Have no kids. Have no regrets.

There have been plenty of kids along the way. Some have become very special to me. But no regrets for my own.

[fierywoman]

15. I have never had any regrets. Make a clear definition between "lonely" and

"alone" -- and remember, it's REALLY tragic to be lonely when you're IN a relationship. Personally, I'm really good at being alone (and the quarantine hasn't been bad at all for me except that it curbs my wanderlust!)

Rather than a "bleak" existence, I had the freedom to make choices that gave me experiences that everyone I've met are rather envious of.

[Laffy Kat]

16. I have two kids and would have have one more if I had started sooner.

That said, I know several women who chose not to have children for different reasons and none have ever expressed, to me at least, regret about their decision. I believe it can be a courageous choice because there's so much pressure out there to procreate, not to mention all the insensitive questions and comments. I say go with your heart.

[PoindexterOglethorpe]

17. While I had two children, and am very glad I did,

I have never known someone who chose not to have kids who regretted that choice.

I suppose I could be cynical and point out that you can't miss what you never had, but I don't think that's what's at work here. I think it is very good that for some decades now it has been very possible not to have kids.

I have known people (meaning women) who desperately wanted children but had trouble getting pregnant or having a live baby or wound up having the option closed to them because of "female issues". Several I know went on and adopted and are very happy they did.

Right now I have a niece who is 37 years old, recently married, and on the fence about having children. I think her husband will support her no matter what. I really hate to encourage someone to have a child if they are really in doubt, but I did tell her how glad I was that I had mine. Whatever she decides will be the right choice.

For all of us, and not in the having or not having kids arena, there will always be The Road Not Taken.

[Archae]

18. I never got married, and never had any kids.

I'm not a virgin, but I decided not to have any kids mainly due to my finances.

As is, I never had any jobs that paid enough to have a wife and kids, and even now I still get less than $10,000 a year.

I do have my two "furkids," my two cats.

[Marie Marie]

19. No children - no regrets. Just never really had that maternal instinct.

[drmeow]

20. I decided I wasn't going to have kids

when I was about 19 or 20. I'm 56 now and have no regrets. I have some delightful nieces and nephews who I have gone out of my way to develop relationships with (despite living across the country from them for all but the last 2 years). I've been married for almost 20 years and my life has not been lonely and/or bleak. It is quiet, I'll acknowledge that, but I like it that way.

My 80ish aunt never had kids - never wanted them and never regretted it. She was a step mother - not sure how much the kids were with her given the era.

Both of my siblings would have been miserable not having kids, I would have been miserable having them. Neither choice is "better" or "worse" - chose what is right for you. You can always foster and/or adopt if you reach an age where you can't physically have kids anymore but realize that you wish you had.

[Jack-o-Lantern]

21. When my wife and I were dating we found that neither of us wanted to have children.

We would have been miserable trying to cope with parenthood as we both realized neither of us had the aptitude to be “good” parents.
We were both professionals and having satisfying careers and double incomes afforded us a very pleasant lifestyle.

We have friends who absolutely delight in their children and consider parenthood as the highest calling. They are wonderful parents and it’s an honor to know them and see what wonderful parents they are.

So, it comes down to this. Follow what way down deep in your heart is telling you to do. Some may have regrets later for not having had children while others may someday have regrets for having children. but we know that for us we made the right decision.

We will be celebrating our 50th anniversary next year and we have never looked back.

[Prof.Higgins]

22. Absolutely no regrets! I'm a 76 year old Vietnam Vet who continues to feel

very content with a plethora of meaningful, invariably enjoyable, relationships and activities. They include political activities in support of saving human life from global warming and saving progressive democracy from the egregiously iniquitous extreme right wing politicians/Murdochs/Koch empire/NRA/religious fanatics/warmongers/fossil fuel industry etc., etc., etc.. Our fragile planet's ecosystem needs a fair percentage of children-free folks like me to obviate overpopulation.

[Iggo]

23. I made the decision not to MAKE any children.

I got no problems raising kids. Kids are great.

Regrets? I dunno. Search up the last thread on this subject and see what I said that time.

[Mad_Dem_X]

25. I decided early on that I didn't want children...never regretted it.

I was lucky enough to find a man who felt the same way. I think we have a very fulfilling life.

[Aristus]

26. No kids. No regrets.

Mrs. Aristus has three from her first marriage. She told me going in: "You marry me, there will be no kids." I wasn't going to give her up in favor of someone who hadn't even been born yet, so we got married.

Her kids have children of their own now, so I get to be a grandfather. My first grandson, I got to feed him, change him, and sing him to sleep when he was a baby. So I got at least a small taste of what it's like to be a father.

[malthaussen]

27. If anything, time has solidified my position.

Since I see dysfunctional families everywhere I look, and conclude that the world would be a better place if more people didn't reproduce.

That said, philosophically, that is an impossible question to answer, since the experiment can't be run twice with different decisions made. It is similar to "It is better to have love and lost than never to have loved before." That may sound pretty, but as far as a single individual is concerned, one choice negates the other, they cannot be compared.

I do have a fairly decent set of genes, as far as physical qualities are concerned, so I sometimes think I have failed in my duty to the gene pool by not propagating them. But I no doubt have some really bad ones, especially if psychological traits can be passed on, so on balance, it is probably best that my DNA die out.

-- Mal

[Doodley]

29. The trouble with kids is they are very childish!