I'm so stressed from noisy neighbor.

[Jetheels]

I live in a small apt in big city.
I have rent control so I doubt I will find anything this affordable here. I’ll will have to move out of here, its too much bad for my health, never really being able to relax, anxiety...
It can go on 16 hours at a time of what sounds like I don’t know what. Thudding, dropping stuff sounds. And recently, for weeks on end.
I doubt the upstairs person will change. The building management doesn’t help.
I have decided I need to move and I’m thinking buying a small house to live in might be a better situation. At least they wouldn’t be right on top of me.
I’m thinking North Carolina, college town.
Right now it’s difficult to find much because low interest rates, and folks fleeing cities.
And I don’t want to travel until I get a shot.
I know you can have neighbor problems in a house too. As I’m reading on DU.
I’m really asking if any of you have any suggestions, either places to move to or really anything.
I would love to move somewhere rural, nature, but I’m getting kind of older, and probably need to be near good medical facilities.
Some days it’s just too much for me here.
Thanks.

[lunasun]

1. Noise machine or white noise app on your phone ? Usually they have a lot of nature sounds on them

[Jetheels]

2. Yes I have those going 24/7. It doesn't begin to mask loud heavy thuds unfortunately.

[ret5hd]

3. A song for you:

[Jetheels]

6. Yeah, along with the noise there's also the wasted energy wondering wtf they doing.

[ret5hd]

8. I was also searching for a video...

This guy, an audio engineer, in your situation built a system that “echoed” every bang/thump/etc back through speakers that he had pushed up against his ceiling.

I can’t find it now, but you get the idea.

[Jetheels]

9. Interesting.

Unfortunately sending the noise back wouldn’t work in my apt because the kind of noise I’m dealing with is impact noise. There’s concrete between us, not enough evidently. I can’t hear any talking, music, that kind of thing, only sound that’s transmitted by objects falling to the floor. I could play the loudest music, or scream as loud as possible, they would not hear a peep, since it’s this other frequency of noise, impact noise.
I know I’m not alone in this despair. Many people have this problem. As well as animals.
The poor sea creatures are dealing with a lot of noise pollution, from machines in the ocean, boats, etc, and water is a good transmitter of sound I’ve read.

[fierywoman]

4. I had a neighbor like that in an apt building -- all the pleading, knocking on her door at 4 a.m.

changed nothing. (Once she asked to hear what it sounded like in my apt., so I brought her in -- she listened for a moment and said, "Oh, you're too sensitive!" -- she was a member of the Agape church in LA at the time, so she clearly knew what she was talking about )

I finally googled white magic solution and did a ritual which involved putting a mirror facing her apt against the wall. Soon the noise stopped. I found out later that she'd become pregnant (very sketchy relationship) and because of the baby, couldn't keep living the way she had.

This whole story was w-a-y to weird to make it up. You have my complete sympathy.

[Jetheels]

5. Thanks for you sympathy

I’ll look up that mirror ritual thing.

[I_UndergroundPanther]

12. You could do a black salt spell

To get the neighbor to move out. Combine it with a hot foot spell and that neighbor would move out quick.

[Wicked Blue]

13. Turn your broom upside down

with the bristles pointed toward their bedroom. Let the broom stay there except when using it.

[Jetheels]

21. Ok thanks.

[Jetheels]

22. I actually have black salt. I think it's from Afghanistan. I like the sulfur smell.

But I don’t know how to perform spells.
Rarely does anyone move out of this rent controlled building, unless they have to move cause they want and can afford to be in a place with elder care type services, like meals, etc.
I don’t necessarily want them to move out, but rather be more mindful of their noise and it’s effects on others. Unfortunately most people tend to feel like they have the right to do whatever they want in their home. Which is true but, we live among other people, and very closely in city apts.

[fierywoman]

33. Just keep in mind my neighbor who got pregnant ... stuff happens! I wish you peace and

blessed silence.

Spells are like lighting a candle and making a wish -- could be far more involved and complicated, but not always! Try to keep it at the place of something like: for the good of all -- that way you veer away from negative energy.

[Jetheels]

39. Thanks for that explanation of simplicity, positivity, grace.

[Chainfire]

7. Rural and good medical care are contradictions

You can have either, but not both. I chose rural. Nearest ER is 12 miles, nearest hospital nearly 40 miles. Grocery store 12 miles, good grocery store 25 miles, police 10 miles, but I can't see or hear my nearest neighbors.

[Jetheels]

10. Yes, that's unfortunate not having good medical and countryside together.

I’ve visited friends who have country homes. One thing that kinda freaked me out was always the distant sound of target practice or maybe it was deer season.
Your lucky you can’t see or hear neighbors. I would like that.
I enjoy quiet. It makes me feel safe.
I might have better health/ need less medical whatever if I had a quieter living situ.

[Claire Oh Nette]

20. Western North Carolina...

Weaverville-Asheville-Hendersonville-Flat Rock-Etowah-Brevard.

UNC/Pardee and Mission Heart Center.

[Jetheels]

25. What about Durham triangle area?

[Claire Oh Nette]

26. dunno it as well.

big cites, lots of suburbs.

Asheville area is a nice blend. Very Metrolachian.

[Jetheels]

31. Ok I learned a new word. Metrolachian.

[mnhtnbb]

40. I just bought a house in Durham and moved from a high rise apartment in downtown Raleigh.

Don't know what your budget is, but the Triangle area has excellent medical care due to both Duke, UNC, and a VA hospital being here. Housing is in short supply, but if you are interested in a smaller place with land and don't care about schools, you might be able to find something you'd like. You might want to look at surrounding counties--like Chatham or Person-- for lower priced real estate and aren't much farther from good health care than either Orange, Durham, or Wake Counties.

[Jetheels]

41. Congratulations on the house! Sounds like a good change. Raleigh to Durham. High rise to house.

I’ll look into Chatham and Person.
I’m hoping to travel there after vaccinated.
These days homes go under contract within 3 days being on market.
Before pandemic they’d be on the market for months, as you must know.

[mnhtnbb]

45. I lived in Chapel Hill for 17 years before moving to downtown Raleigh in 2018.

Housing prices have really exploded in the whole Triangle area. I had been looking--on and off--back in Chapel Hill and couldn't find anything I wanted to live in that I could afford. Sort of gave up at the end of 2019 and decided I'd move higher up in my downtown building (for the view) and just continue to rent. I walked everywhere: to the ballet, the symphony, the post office, lots of wonderful restaurants, a branch library...sometimes I didn't use my car for over a week. Then COVID. Immediately my downtown lifestyle became nothing and my risk was accelerated by the fact I had to ride the elevator up and down 17 floors every time I wanted to go out. I still had my dog, too, and she had to go out at least 4-5 times/day. I felt like I was playing Russian roulette every time I got on the elevator.

I really thought we were in for a paradigm shift in lifestyle and that we'd be living with this coronavirus for at least a couple of years even if a vaccine was developed right away. So I decided to rethink buying a house and ended up plunking down my money last April for a lot in a new development where I could choose the floor plan and make design choices. The house was finished right before Christmas and I moved in on January 6th. I'm closer to Chapel Hill--and my oldest son is literally 10 minutes away--but I have to drive to everything. I'm not going to be going back to sitting in a theatre or a restaurant anytime soon, even though I have had my first vax (Moderna) and will get the second on March 15th. I figure it's going to be at least another year--and maybe longer if the vaccine doesn't protect against variant strains--before I will feel comfortable being in an enclosed space with a lot of people. It really has totally changed my retirement and how I saw living out the rest of my life. And travel? No. Not now and maybe not for a very long time.

If you're like I am--googling houses for sale in various areas--keep an eye on all the counties: Durham, Orange, Wake, Chatham, and Person. You are correct, though, houses will go under contract in the blink of an eye and multiple offers are fairly common.

Good luck!

[multigraincracker]

11. I'm older and retired and tend to move often.

I try to find small college towns and that has worked out great for me.

Good luck

[Jetheels]

14. Thanks. That's what I'm thinking, since college towns tend to lean more toward liberal.

[multigraincracker]

15. Then I go to Democratic Party meetings and

and go to a UU church. You can be any religion there or none at all, but usually college professors and old hippies. Doesn't take long to end up with lots of friends.

[Jetheels]

23. Sounds like you've found a good niche lifestyle.

[multigraincracker]

24. Life is good as I brought

the love of my life back from Ohio. Met her at a UU church in Ohio.

[TexasBushwhacker]

16. Maybe building management put them there

to make you move out so they can raise the rent.

[Jetheels]

17. They been there a year or 2 before me.

But you are right in a way as it’s better for building management to not help me, and have a new tenant move in and they can up the rent.
It’s possible they put me here so I’d move out. Who knows.

[tblue37]

18. I live in Lawrence, KS (KU) There are several small towns within about 10 minutes of our liberal

college town. You should look for something like that. They are inexpensive places to live, too.

[Jetheels]

19. Ok I'll check that out, thanks.

[skypilot]

27. I am dealing with the same thing. Almost.

There is a woman who lives in the apartment above me with her daughter. She also has her boyfriend living with them and I am pretty sure our landlord does not know about that. It is a one bedroom apartment. The noise doesn't go on for as long as it used to but I have still never heard so much clomping, thumping, and things dropping on the floor anywhere else that I have ever lived, including in my current apartment before they moved in. I have slipped notes under her door and spoken to our landlord about it. I have even spoken to her face to face and she plays dumb. I can't stand her. For a time last year, before Covid I would hear almost nonstop noise from 5:30pm when I got home from work until after 11:00pm when I would have to start knocking on the ceiling. It hasn't been that bad lately but they are still annoying as fuck. It sometimes goes strangely quiet for hours at a time and then suddenly the clomping and thumping and dropping stuff will start up with a vengeance. Also, they are ALWAYS dragging their furniture around. I hear what sounds like a heavy table being dragged across the floor at some point almost every day. They are also very heavy-footed when they walk. It is quiet at the moment but any minute now...

[Jetheels]

29. Sorry to hear, but thanks for saying what you said.

I can relate to the “any minute now”...
It sucks when your home is not your home.
I wish we get better living conditions.

[R B Garr]

28. Is there an upstairs unit in the same building you can transfer

into for now? Transferring units would get you out from under the noisy neighbor and keep you in the same building until you figure out where you want to relocate.

[Jetheels]

30. I haven't asked for that.

I have emailed management to see what their response is about all this.
The only thing they’ve offered is a decibel meter to idk, record noise I guess.
It is in my back pocket though to at some point to ask for another apt, on the top floor, permanently or temporarily. Very difficult though to get the better apts. I don’t get involved in all the political games that go on in the building.
Thanks for your suggestion.

[SleeplessinSoCal]

32. How long has this been going on?

I had a studio apartment on the Upper West Side in NYC for 22 years. Ideal location. My downstairs neighbor stripped insulation in order to give himself more height and the noise problem had to go both ways. We got the city in to help. Also neighbors on one side had weekend parties going to 4:00 am. I would turn my speaker to the wall and blast Wagner around 7 am.

We were also rent controlled via rent stabilization and able to save money to move at the exact right time. We headed to California, (right back where I started from).

[Jetheels]

34. Lucky you got out.

It’s been going on almost 2 years, but always intermittently. This recent episode of noise has been every day over a month. It’s when you don’t get a brake from it when it becomes intolerable. It can be 16 hours a day of it. It seems like this just is the way they are now. It’s not my first time having this problem either. But I’m getting older and I have less tolerance for this kind of thing. I just want to get my vaccinations and move out of here. Where to I don’t really know.

[Autonomous 2021]

35. Just move!

I think rural area is a good idea for you. It will help you relax!

[Jetheels]

36. I hope to move soon. I want to get vaccinated first.

A friend that lives nearby may have to move soon too, his rent just went up 800$.

[Fla Dem]

37. Your best bet would be to move to a newer apt with an elevator.

Try to get a top floor apt, then you wouldn’t have to deal with an apt over you.

Newer buildings are better constructed for the most part in terms of sound proofing.

Buying a house has it’s own issues. You are totally responsible for all upkeep; plumbing, electrical, yard work, etc, also property taxes. You also have no idea how nice or disruptive your neighbors may be until you move in. I’m sure you’re fully aware of these issues and you’ll take everything into consideration.

Both options have their risks and advantages. I’m sure you’re weighing both carefully.

[Jetheels]

38. I would probably never move to another apt unless it was top floor. Unless there were foot thick

floors. There’s a lot of issues to weigh. Presently complicated even further by the pandemic.
I may not be able to find another place for awhile. I haven’t driven a car in decades but my drivers license is good and I’m willing to give up living in a walkable environment to a location that would afford more quiet. But yeah, you could have disrespectful neighbors even living in a house. Moving is complicated.

[CountAllVotes]

42. I had that trouble when I lived in S.F.

It was wearing me out and I was sick all of the time.

I finally got so sick of it I left.

HOWEVER, I found a place to rent first and then proceeded.

No regrets.

I did this in 1991.

If I was still in S.F. I'd be likely on the streets. I could not afford $3K a month for a one bedroom apt.

I don't blame you one bit and I know all abt. those white noise machines unfortunately. That is how bad it was.

Take care.

[Jetheels]

48. Thanks.

Yeah, people have said to rent somewhere before you move there, to make sure you like the area.
I would love to live in SF in one of those pastel colored houses with bay windows, but too expensive.

[CountAllVotes]

49. I know people trying to GET OUT of there

Some old natives -- they don't want to live there anymore.

They want to move but do not know where to go.

They have a house which is a huge plus.

They also have two dogs.

It is difficult to find rentals that take pets.

As for S.F., it has changed a lot since I left. I won't be moving back there.

I do miss it at times but in hindsight I know I did the right thing. I live north of there now in an area I was already familiar with.

Just glad I got out when I could.

The neighbor in back of me is selling out and moving into a trailer. I would never do that after renting for 30+ years!

I hope you find a solution and I sure can commiserate with you.

[Jetheels]

50. I visited SF once and stayed in a youth hostel north of there,

I think in Point Reyes. It was one of the most beautiful places I’ve been to.

[CountAllVotes]

51. Point Reyes is in Marin County

And yes, it is beautiful there!

[Skittles]

43. have you talked to this person

sometimes people don't know how loud they are or how poorly insulated apartments can be

[Jetheels]

46. Yes I talked to them over a year ago. They of course denied any responsibility, found me to blame

in a half dozen ways that made zero sense. But it did calm down. For awhile. Then the noise ramped up over the months. I’m able to deal with some noise but recently it’s gotten to be most days, and throughout the day. I’ve been apt living for years. It’s almost always been this problem. I have gotten to my limit. I can’t deal with it anymore. I’m older now to there’s no real draw for me to stay in this city. I know every ear plug on the market and decibel ratings. I know every noise cancelling headphones there are and own several. I recently emailed the neighbor and I thought it maybe helped but then it started up another 2 days in a row continuously. I’ve notified management I’m probably moving as soon as I find something. I’m just done with trying to get anyone to consider what it’s like here. At this point even if the jarring noise stopped completely I still have to move. I cannot rely on someone else to be respectful. It’s asking too much. In my experience, people in apts above could care less how much noise they make. They point the finger at the person complaining. But of course, if it’s someone above them making the noise they’re the first to throw a tantrum.

[Phentex]

57. before you leave...

find a very inconspicuous place to hide a message for the new renters. All it should say is "I moved out because of the noise above". Put it some place where they will find it but not on first inspection.

[RandiFan1290]

44. One of my favorite videos on this topic

[Jetheels]

47. Yeah those are them. Mostly the bowling balls, not rolling though just dropping. And the beads

pouring out onto the floor. Idk, I’m watching, listening to my own noise, asking when was the last time I dropped something? The small plastic half empty plant sprayer 4 days ago, once every other month, the broom fell down a week ago. I don’t get how a person can be making so much noise.

[skypilot]

52. Oh my god!!!

These ARE my upstairs neighbors. They even LOOK like them. The only difference is that there is also a 12 year old girl up there.

On edit: I could have posted about 90% of the Youtube comments that come after this video.

[Jetheels]

56. I know right.

I had an even worse apt than the present one. Not only the upstairs family of four, in a two bedroom apt, but also the downstairs neighbors were really loud too, their music would get so loud our paintings would fall of the walls. They said it was loud because the volume knob on their stereo was broken. I remember one summer day it was really quiet, the only noise was a jackhammer out by the sidewalk, like 10 feet away....that was what I considered quiet back then.
But I am at the point where I can’t deal with it anymore. It’s like I have no tolerance left. The pandemic not helping either.

[Rhiannon12866]

53. As for North Carolina, my grandmother retired to Black Mountain and loved it there.

I actually did, too - I visited pretty frequently and it was a relatively progressive area - at least the friends I met were - and people were friendly and the climate was sure more tolerable than here in New York. It's a small town in Western NC, not far from the larger city of Asheville, lots of art and music and a beautiful area near the mountains. Just a suggestion from my experience.

[Jetheels]

54. I've heard of a college that was called Black Mountain College. In the 50's. A lot of famous artists

Studied or taught there.

[Rhiannon12866]

55. The local college there that I'm familiar with there was Warren Wilson College

My grandmother got to know some of the retired professors and the "president emeritus" - whose wife was first cousins with George H.W. Bush! I once asked him what he thought of Bush senior and he said "He's a nice guy, but I don't agree with his politics."

Also my cousin graduated from there and liked the area so much that she decided to stay. She became an R.N. and got a job at one of the major hospitals in Asheville.

[Phentex]

58. It's awful...

we didn't move because of it but we had people above us doing god knows what all the time too. And they were flight attendants so the hours were very irregular. We didn't re-sign our lease.

Hope you find a better place!

[Jetheels]

59. Thanks.